Day 303
(continued)
Thursday, March
20, 2014
Physical
The day did
not get better, just quieter. DH didn’t
sleep much during the late afternoon and into the evening; but he was very
quiet. He didn’t want to sit up at all,
refused to eat anything. After getting him cleaned up in the afternoon, I
washed the pad again; but then when I went to put it on, I couldn’t get it on
the bed. DH was not able to roll over on
his side at all, and I couldn’t get the pad tucked under him. That also meant I couldn’t get him slid
higher up on the bed, and his feet were a bit cramped against the
footboard. He was laying on his side, so
it wasn’t as bad excepthis knees got stiff and achy.
Surprisingly,
he slept well, very quietly. I’m sure he
was still having the apnea episodes, but he was not breathing hard or wheezy.
This morning
(Friday) he’s very lethargic. He also
seems to be in pain, but it’s hard to tell just what/where hurts. It might be, at least some, from the
hernia. We’ve known for a long time that
it hurts when he coughs. He told the CAN
that was the only time he hurt, but then he kept wincing; and every time she
moved him while bathing he said it hurt.
I set up the
dialysis with drainage bags; but to me at least they do not appear to be cloudy
.. just the transparent pale yellowish that is “normal”. I debated, but do not think I need to call
the dialysis nurse. I do hope I won’t
regret that decision, but it truly does not seem like an infection; at least,
he’s very different from when he had one a year ago. He said the pain (which does not seem to be
constant, but hard to tell) is not the same.
Because he
was so *different* this morning, the CAN called the nurse. As a result, there is a pain med in the “comfort
care kit” that hospice provides. The
problem is, it’s almost useless to me with my limited vision. This gets VERY scary; I don’t want him to
suffer just because I can’t read labels.
The CAN helped to find the right dose of a pain med .. but it’s
Friday. I likely won’t even see another
person untl Sunday. If he seems to need
more I’ll have to call TGF; not sure if she’ll find time to come by or
not. For now I’ll have to wait and see
how much good the dose he got gives him (and the nurse is going to order some
pre-measured doses). I also have the
Atavan gel I can use. It’s not for pain,
but it will relax him, which tends to help pain levels decrease. I have that in little pre-measured tubes, so
useable.
For now
(after 9:00 Friday morning) he’s sleeping and sounds like he’s breathing
quietly.
People:
After the
volunterr left, there was of course no one else here. The CAN has come and gone for this
morning;. Yesterday (Thursday) when a
volunteer called as they do weekly to see if we needed anything I asked that
the chaplain come by IF he had time. My
thinking was that with the things DH said yesterday, and knowing he’s feeling
bad and (maybe) declining, it might comfort him to talk to the chaplain
some. Plus, I want him to be able to
talk before his mind is too far gone to comprehend what they talk about.
I don’t know
if he’ll come today or not; it’s not “urgent”, and maybe he’ll make it next
week if not today.
Emotions:
Right now,
feeling a little scared of being left alone when I don’t know what I’m dealing
with and so unsure of being able to do the right thing. I know I can call hospice if I need to .. but
I also don’t want to “cry wolf”. If
everything that’s going on is a normal progression, there’s no need to be
calling someone. But what if I’m doing
something wrong? What it it’s something
that could be fixed if I didn’t mess up.
But the nurse was here yesterday and the CAN talked to her this morning
.. so they would have told me if I’m doing something wrong or there’s something
else I should be doing. Wouldn’t they?
A hosrt time
ago he called me. He didn’t need
anything, just wanted to know where I was.
That’s “new”, although he often asks where I was. I told him I was close by and wouldn’t leave
him .. that seemed to be all he wanted to hear, and went back to sleep.
I’ve done
most of my normal morning stuff by now .. except eat. I think I need to go eat some breakfast!
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