(rest of) Day 303

Day 303 (continued)

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Physical

The day did not get better, just quieter.  DH didn’t sleep much during the late afternoon and into the evening; but he was very quiet.  He didn’t want to sit up at all, refused to eat anything. After getting him cleaned up in the afternoon, I washed the pad again; but then when I went to put it on, I couldn’t get it on the bed.  DH was not able to roll over on his side at all, and I couldn’t get the pad tucked under him.  That also meant I couldn’t get him slid higher up on the bed, and his feet were a bit cramped against the footboard.  He was laying on his side, so it wasn’t as bad excepthis knees got stiff and achy. 

Surprisingly, he slept well, very quietly.  I’m sure he was still having the apnea episodes, but he was not breathing hard or wheezy.

This morning (Friday) he’s very lethargic.  He also seems to be in pain, but it’s hard to tell just what/where hurts.  It might be, at least some, from the hernia.  We’ve known for a long time that it hurts when he coughs.  He told the CAN that was the only time he hurt, but then he kept wincing; and every time she moved him while bathing he said it hurt.

I set up the dialysis with drainage bags; but to me at least they do not appear to be cloudy .. just the transparent pale yellowish that is “normal”.  I debated, but do not think I need to call the dialysis nurse.  I do hope I won’t regret that decision, but it truly does not seem like an infection; at least, he’s very different from when he had one a year ago.  He said the pain (which does not seem to be constant, but hard to tell) is not the same.

Because he was so *different* this morning, the CAN called the nurse.  As a result, there is a pain med in the “comfort care kit” that hospice provides.  The problem is, it’s almost useless to me with my limited vision.  This gets VERY scary; I don’t want him to suffer just because I can’t read labels.  The CAN helped to find the right dose of a pain med .. but it’s Friday.  I likely won’t even see another person untl Sunday.  If he seems to need more I’ll have to call TGF; not sure if she’ll find time to come by or not.  For now I’ll have to wait and see how much good the dose he got gives him (and the nurse is going to order some pre-measured doses).  I also have the Atavan gel I can use.  It’s not for pain, but it will relax him, which tends to help pain levels decrease.  I have that in little pre-measured tubes, so useable.

For now (after 9:00 Friday morning) he’s sleeping and sounds like he’s breathing quietly.

People:

After the volunterr left, there was of course no one else here.  The CAN has come and gone for this morning;.  Yesterday (Thursday) when a volunteer called as they do weekly to see if we needed anything I asked that the chaplain come by IF he had time.  My thinking was that with the things DH said yesterday, and knowing he’s feeling bad and (maybe) declining, it might comfort him to talk to the chaplain some.  Plus, I want him to be able to talk before his mind is too far gone to comprehend what they talk about.

I don’t know if he’ll come today or not; it’s not “urgent”, and maybe he’ll make it next week if not today.

Emotions:

Right now, feeling a little scared of being left alone when I don’t know what I’m dealing with and so unsure of being able to do the right thing.  I know I can call hospice if I need to .. but I also don’t want to “cry wolf”.  If everything that’s going on is a normal progression, there’s no need to be calling someone.  But what if I’m doing something wrong?  What it it’s something that could be fixed if I didn’t mess up.  But the nurse was here yesterday and the CAN talked to her this morning .. so they would have told me if I’m doing something wrong or there’s something else I should be doing.  Wouldn’t they?

A hosrt time ago he called me.  He didn’t need anything, just wanted to know where I was.  That’s “new”, although he often asks where I was.  I told him I was close by and wouldn’t leave him .. that seemed to be all he wanted to hear, and went back to sleep.

I’ve done most of my normal morning stuff by now .. except eat.  I think I need to go eat some breakfast!