Day 298
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Physical
It still seems I’m right about DH being in “cycles”, and he’s
in a not-sleeping-so-much one now. It’s
not a bad thing for him to NOT sleep all day.
But, it’s boring. Especially when
there’s so little on TV to watch; and some of what there should be is preempted
by stupid basketball. Neither of us are
(or have ever been) much into watching sports.
It’s infuriating that the networks apparently all assume that every
living being in the south would rather see stupid basketball than anything
else. So, he’s awake, can’t *do*
anything, and bored. And worse, I made
the mistake (HUGE mistake) of letting him have the remote so he could try to
run through channels. I have no idea
what he did, but he managed to change something so now there is “no signl=al”.
He did look at his book for awhile; I think even doing that
got more tiring than he thought it would (or would admit). But he didn’t nap, which is really unusual.He
didn’t give me any arguments about being in bed even though I could tell how
bored he was. I tried as many different
things as I could think of (a book? Look
as a model, even though that could be risky?)
noting appealed.
I couldn’t get him to eat much either. He did eat a bowl of sherbert. For supper he ate one of the chicken &
salsa tortillas .. and they are pretty big.
And he ate a bowl of grapes too.
Since I put his evening drink in a sippy cup, he drank most of it ..
though part with an 8:00 pill and the rest with 9:00 pills. It’s better than nothing. I’ve pretty much given up on trying to get
him to eat “nutritious” foods, and will settle for him eating anything at all,
as long as I can get him to drink a couple of the protein drinks a day.
This morning (Sunday) has been awful. He woke up around 6:00 .. not merely awake, but actively determined
to get out of bed (to start the truck).
I managed to persuade him to “wait until daylight”, and he dozed off;
and so did I. But by 7:30 he was at it
again, and nothing I could say or do would register. I guess he must have just tired himself out,
because (now that it’s almost time for more pills) he’s gone to sleep. Those pills will be a little late, I will NOT
wake him up again!
People:
It’s a weekend, so of course we neither saw nor heard from
anyone.
Emotions:
I’m a wreck right now.
It is so frustrating that on week day mornings .. when someone whcould
help me deal with him comes early .. he’s sound asleep and we have to wake him
for his bath. But then on the weekends
.. when I’m so totally alone .. he is not only awake, but off in never never
land and determined to get out of the bed.
And of course, since this change and the CAN comes so early, weekend are
the only time I can snag an extra hour or two of sleep … and then he won’t let
me. I just don’t know how to deal with
this. I know I can handle anything I
have to – because I don’t have any choice.
But I am so very frustrated .. and yes, sometimes angry … at the selfish
uncaring sons who completely ignore us.
One I know lives too far away, and is under a lot of stress right now
with his work, family health issues, teenage kids. That still doesn’t mean he can’t pick up the
phone occasionally. He doesn’t even have
to take any time out of his day … he can call me on his way home from work …
his whole stupid truck turns into a phone.
And the other son … DSS … is
actually spending less and less time here, and seemingly distancing himself
from us. I know they have busy lives;
but to shut us out so completely (apparently all we’re “allowed” is a few hours
a week) is hard to have to accept.
The only way I have of “keeping up” with family are the
occasional (rare) blogs that get updated .. and now I’ve been blocked from that
too. It’s so very discouraging. I feel like I’ve been thrown away.
I know there is supposedly hope for another weekend “off”. As long as it was just a vague idea, I was
fine. But when it became more specific,
it also got more discouraging. I tried
to get an idea if it would work out, and the response I got was pretty much on
the negative side of “we’ll see”. I do
understand there are health issues involved, not to mention teenage
activities. And on the other “side”
there is no interest at all (and I’d be terribly afraid of the whole weekend
being done in “shifts”, with some people thinking that it’s perfectly OK to
leave DH alone with one or two teenage boys.
NOT.).
It’s a rainy day.
Again. And cold coming. Again.
Maybe that’s all that’s wrong with me this morning. But I feel so very cut off from everyone in this
world who means anything to me, and from everything I might want to try to do.
I guess I better go on and shower, and then feed the
critters, before DH wakes up again.
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