Day 298

Day 298

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Physical

It still seems I’m right about DH being in “cycles”, and he’s in a not-sleeping-so-much one now.  It’s not a bad thing for him to NOT sleep all day.  But, it’s boring.  Especially when there’s so little on TV to watch; and some of what there should be is preempted by stupid basketball.  Neither of us are (or have ever been) much into watching sports.  It’s infuriating that the networks apparently all assume that every living being in the south would rather see stupid basketball than anything else.  So, he’s awake, can’t *do* anything, and bored.  And worse, I made the mistake (HUGE mistake) of letting him have the remote so he could try to run through channels.  I have no idea what he did, but he managed to change something so now there is “no signl=al”.  

He did look at his book for awhile; I think even doing that got more tiring than he thought it would (or would admit).  But he didn’t nap, which is really unusual.He didn’t give me any arguments about being in bed even though I could tell how bored he was.  I tried as many different things as I could think of (a book?  Look as a model, even though that could be risky?)  noting appealed.

I couldn’t get him to eat much either.  He did eat a bowl of sherbert.  For supper he ate one of the chicken & salsa tortillas .. and they are pretty big.  And he ate a bowl of grapes too.  Since I put his evening drink in a sippy cup, he drank most of it .. though part with an 8:00 pill and the rest with 9:00 pills.  It’s better than nothing.  I’ve pretty much given up on trying to get him to eat “nutritious” foods, and will settle for him eating anything at all, as long as I can get him to drink a couple of the protein drinks a day.

This morning (Sunday) has been awful.  He woke up around 6:00  .. not merely awake, but actively determined to get out of bed (to start the truck).  I managed to persuade him to “wait until daylight”, and he dozed off; and so did I.  But by 7:30 he was at it again, and nothing I could say or do would register.   I guess he must have just tired himself out, because (now that it’s almost time for more pills) he’s gone to sleep.  Those pills will be a little late, I will NOT wake him up again!

People:

It’s a weekend, so of course we neither saw nor heard from anyone.

Emotions:

I’m a wreck right now.  It is so frustrating that on week day mornings .. when someone whcould help me deal with him comes early .. he’s sound asleep and we have to wake him for his bath.  But then on the weekends .. when I’m so totally alone .. he is not only awake, but off in never never land and determined to get out of the bed.  And of course, since this change and the CAN comes so early, weekend are the only time I can snag an extra hour or two of sleep … and then he won’t let me.  I just don’t know how to deal with this.  I know I can handle anything I have to – because I don’t have any choice.   But I am so very frustrated .. and yes, sometimes angry … at the selfish uncaring sons who completely ignore us.    One I know lives too far away, and is under a lot of stress right now with his work, family health issues, teenage kids.  That still doesn’t mean he can’t pick up the phone occasionally.  He doesn’t even have to take any time out of his day … he can call me on his way home from work … his whole stupid truck turns into a phone.  And the other son … DSS  … is actually spending less and less time here, and seemingly distancing himself from us.  I know they have busy lives; but to shut us out so completely (apparently all we’re “allowed” is a few hours a week) is hard to have to accept. 

The only way I have of “keeping up” with family are the occasional (rare) blogs that get updated .. and now I’ve been blocked from that too.  It’s so very discouraging.  I feel like I’ve been thrown away.

I know there is supposedly hope for another weekend “off”.  As long as it was just a vague idea, I was fine.  But when it became more specific, it also got more discouraging.  I tried to get an idea if it would work out, and the response I got was pretty much on the negative side of “we’ll see”.  I do understand there are health issues involved, not to mention teenage activities.  And on the other “side” there is no interest at all (and I’d be terribly afraid of the whole weekend being done in “shifts”, with some people thinking that it’s perfectly OK to leave DH alone with one or two teenage boys.  NOT.).

It’s a rainy day.  Again.  And cold coming.  Again.  Maybe that’s all that’s wrong with me this morning.  But I feel so very cut off from everyone in this world who means anything to me, and from everything I might want to try to do.

I guess I better go on and shower, and then feed the critters, before DH wakes up again.