Day 284
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Physical:
This was a bit of an odd day.
The new arrangement will take time for both of us to get used to I
think. DH seemed confused, to the point
that he elected to stay in bed until around 2:30. He was OK to sit up and watch TV, just didn’t
want to get up yet. I wonder if maybe he
remembered (without really being aware he was remembering?) that the first time
we did the transfer he sat on the floor.
But eventually he wanted to get up.
He ended up a little too far to one side in his chair; and though he
said it was fine, he did slump more and more to one side. That will get better with practice I’m
sure. I hope.
I took him a sandwich for lunch; and later asked if he wanted
another. He said that was enough. But when I got him up, as I was folding the
spare blanket something plopped on the floor at my feet … the sandwich. Completely untouched.
I fixed a very early dinner (hot dogs, as he’d recently said
he wanted them .. he ate 2); and then later I gave him another of his protein
drinks, which he drank.
He sat up a bit later because he had found a movie he was
interested in. Once he was finally
settled in bed, he continued to watch TV until he fell asleep.
He slept well, not too much coughing. After getting bathed this moring, it took
awhile for him to fall back to sleep; but he is now.
People:
There was no one at all here.
Emotions:’
I’m frustrated, as usual.
Something TGF was supposed to do for me has apparently remained
undone. It is so aggravating that I can’t
check (or do it) for myself. Other than
that, I stayed too busy to be sad or stressed much. I did the best I could at continuing the
projects started on Saturday. There was
a little bit of furniture rearranging, and a lot of furniture and accessory
tweaking. I also managed to get out my
green stuff … though I actually don’t have all that much. Some holidays are really hard to just find
any decorations for!
It has now (March 3rd) been very close to an
entire year since DH was given the “official” diagnosis of “Vascular Dementia”
(though I’m completely convinced his doctors have known it for a long time),
and I was told he could no longer be left alone at all, for his own
safely. Since it was pretty clear that
he was too weak and wobbly and therefore a big fall risk, it was obvious to me
they were right. Even though at that
time I didn’t think he was as bad as they thought mentally, it was clear that his
thought process was becoming more and more cloudy. He was a lot better once he got home; but it’s
been a lot downhill since then. He no
longer knows where he is at any given time.
He frequently confuses time lines
(yesterday he was talking about being in a waiting room at the plant for a job interview. I asked him how old he was, and he said
41. So then I asked him if he knew what
year it is, he said 2013. I asked what
year he was born, he said 1942. But he
was not able to “do the math”; and his
mind simply told him he was in his early 40s and needed to get a job).
In the past year, I’ve had an evening out for a play (a
mother’s day gift); a full day and a couple of half days “out” with DIL, and
about an hour and a half to see the Lights.
And, I’ve had one full wonderful weekend.
It’s been about 7 ½ months since DH was admitted into
hospice, and since then we’ve had regular nurse and CAN visits; regular but not
so frequent chaplain and social worker visits.
I thought I had a volunteer, but she’s gone several weeks with no word
from her. Things have settled into
somewhat of a routine, even though each day is a new challenge.
It’s stressful to feel stranded and ignored on a day by day
basis. It helps a lot to have family
support. It would help if the people
closest (both related and physically) were better able to step up, but it’s
clear that’s just not going to happen.
I slept well – almost too well – so I don’t know why but I’m
tired and draggy this morning. Might be
the weather. Gone is the lovely warm
sunshine we had yesterday. Today it’s
gray and wet and getting colder by the minute.
Depending on what channel you watch, we’re going to get cold rain, or
sleet, or even some snow. The rough
winter has been even harder in that it even keeps the hospice people away. There are already a lot of long lonely days
with the CAN coming so very early .. worse when no one comes at all.
I know people have lives and issues of their own. I just don’t know what they are when we’re so
insulated here.
DH is having one of his doesn’t-want-to-stay—in-bed
days. It’s not that it’s a bad thing;
but I know all he’s going to do is go to sleep in the chair. Maybe he relaxes better once I get him out of
bed on some days. I really don’t know;
but he’s up and dressed and content for now.
Since I don’t function well on these cold dreary days, I
guess the best thing is to just allow myself the day “off”. Except for the laundry and the dishes and
supper. Tomorrow I’ll finish tweaking,
reorganizing and vacuuming and such.
Maybe.
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