Day 284

Day 284

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Physical:

This was a bit of an odd day.  The new arrangement will take time for both of us to get used to I think.   DH seemed confused, to the point that he elected to stay in bed until around 2:30.  He was OK to sit up and watch TV, just didn’t want to get up yet.  I wonder if maybe he remembered (without really being aware he was remembering?) that the first time we did the transfer he sat on the floor.  But eventually he wanted to get up.  He ended up a little too far to one side in his chair; and though he said it was fine, he did slump more and more to one side.  That will get better with practice I’m sure.  I hope. 

I took him a sandwich for lunch; and later asked if he wanted another.  He said that was enough.  But when I got him up, as I was folding the spare blanket something plopped on the floor at my feet … the sandwich.  Completely untouched. 

I fixed a very early dinner (hot dogs, as he’d recently said he wanted them .. he ate 2); and then later I gave him another of his protein drinks, which he drank.

He sat up a bit later because he had found a movie he was interested in.  Once he was finally settled in bed, he continued to watch TV until he fell asleep. 

He slept well, not too much coughing.  After getting bathed this moring, it took awhile for him to fall back to sleep; but he is now.

People:

There was no one at all here. 

Emotions:’

I’m frustrated, as usual.  Something TGF was supposed to do for me has apparently remained undone.  It is so aggravating that I can’t check (or do it) for myself.  Other than that, I stayed too busy to be sad or stressed much.  I did the best I could at continuing the projects started on Saturday.  There was a little bit of furniture rearranging, and a lot of furniture and accessory tweaking.  I also managed to get out my green stuff … though I actually don’t have all that much.  Some holidays are really hard to just find any decorations for!

It has now (March 3^rd) been very close to an entire year since DH was given the “official” diagnosis of “Vascular Dementia” (though I’m completely convinced his doctors have known it for a long time), and I was told he could no longer be left alone at all, for his own safely.  Since it was pretty clear that he was too weak and wobbly and therefore a big fall risk, it was obvious to me they were right.  Even though at that time I didn’t think he was as bad as they thought mentally, it was clear that his thought process was becoming more and more cloudy.  He was a lot better once he got home; but it’s been a lot downhill since then.  He no longer knows where he is at any given time.  He frequently  confuses time lines (yesterday he was talking about being in a waiting room at the plant for a job interview.  I asked him how old he was, and he said 41.  So then I asked him if he knew what year it is, he said 2013.  I asked what year he was born, he said 1942.  But he was not able to “do the math”;  and his mind simply told him he was in his early 40s and needed to get a job). 

In the past year, I’ve had an evening out for a play (a mother’s day gift); a full day and a couple of half days “out” with DIL, and about an hour and a half to see the Lights.  And, I’ve had one full wonderful weekend. 

It’s been about 7 ½ months since DH was admitted into hospice, and since then we’ve had regular nurse and CAN visits; regular but not so frequent chaplain and social worker visits.  I thought I had a volunteer, but she’s gone several weeks with no word from her.   Things have settled into somewhat of a routine, even though each day is a new challenge. 

It’s stressful to feel stranded and ignored on a day by day basis.  It helps a lot to have family support.  It would help if the people closest (both related and physically) were better able to step up, but it’s clear that’s just not going to happen.

I slept well – almost too well – so I don’t know why but I’m tired and draggy this morning.  Might be the weather.  Gone is the lovely warm sunshine we had yesterday.  Today it’s gray and wet and getting colder by the minute.  Depending on what channel you watch, we’re going to get cold rain, or sleet, or even some snow.  The rough winter has been even harder in that it even keeps the hospice people away.  There are already a lot of long lonely days with the CAN coming so very early .. worse when no one comes at all. 

I know people have lives and issues of their own.  I just don’t know what they are when we’re so insulated here. 

DH is having one of his doesn’t-want-to-stay—in-bed days.  It’s not that it’s a bad thing; but I know all he’s going to do is go to sleep in the chair.  Maybe he relaxes better once I get him out of bed on some days.  I really don’t know; but he’s up and dressed and content for now.

Since I don’t function well on these cold dreary days, I guess the best thing is to just allow myself the day “off”.  Except for the laundry and the dishes and supper.  Tomorrow I’ll finish tweaking, reorganizing and vacuuming and such. 

Maybe.