Day 307 - 308

Day 307/308

Monday (& into Tuesday), March 24 & 25, 2014

Physical:

I know I wrote yesterday morning, but I really don’t remember when or how much I wrote.  Anyway, DH really only slept all day.  In the evening he got a little of a coughing spell, and I gave him another dose of the pain med.  But basically, he’s just slept.

This morning the CNA was unable to give him a bath, because he seemed to be in too much pain to move him around.  I still have no idea why the pain.  I gave him more medicine; and the nurse will be looking into possibly a stronger medicine.

People:

On Monday, the chaplain came by around mid day.  He tried to talk to DH, but there’s no way of knowing how much DH was able to understand, or if his answers to questions were actually answeres to what was asked (o maybe to what his brain interpreted that he was asked).

Late in the afternoon TGF came by to bring me something I forgot from the store, and she stayed and talked awhile.  Then DH’s sister came by; and also DSS  stopped by.

I could wish all of them hadn’t waited until this point to visit, but at least they came by.

Emotions:

Numb.  Knowing DH will not be here much longer.  Sadness.  Also knowing the person I knew has been gone awhile, and there’s just a body going through it’s last struggle.  But I still don’t want him to be in pain.  So I have to look at a lot of options … and it’s still a guessing game, because I don’t know what will happen day by day.

This morning DH’s brother called (I am quite positive the sister called and gave him “what for”!).  He said he will try to come on Thursday.  I hope DH is able to know when his brother comes, because he used to ask for him so many times.

The CNA and the nurse were here a long time this morning.  I also had to call and cancel the clinic appointment; and the dialysis nurse wants to come see DH.  That is very kind of him!

One of the options I discussed with the nurse is the hospice facility.   Up to now it has not been a consideration, because they don’t do the dialysis.  But, they do have 24 hour nurses; and I could stay there with him.  The point being, they can better control pain.  I have no idea where his pain is coming from, why  he’s suddenly having so much.  But I certainly want whatever it takes to make him comfortable.  So the decision is that if we are not able to keep him comfortable at home, then it’s time to stop the dialysis and put him where he can not be in pain.

For now, I have meds for him; and as long as he seems to just sleep relatively peacefully, we won’t “rock the boat”, just let nature take it’s course.  Today?  Tomorrow?  Next week?  Not longer than that probably.  Because he has the dialesate (basically, sugar water) at all times, his lack of fluid intake will not affect him as quickly as it might someone else.  So it comes down to keeping him comfortable.

There is so much I need to do .. and at the same time, nothing I can do.

Perhaps today I will clean floors.