Day 304

Day 304

Frisday, March 2`, 2014

Physical

Twice a day “updates” are not really necessary.  But since the whole point here is an “outlet” for me, I’m writing anyway.  It’s now about 4:30 in the afternoon.  This has not been a great day.

This morning the nurse came by (to my surprise) and pre-filled syringes of 2 different pain meds that I can give to DH as needed.  One is for general pain (he’s been complaining of his stomach hurting, and a little bit of his joints hurting) and one specifically for the pain from his hernia.  She also pointed out the med for nausea that I could put in a marked container.  This is all very helpful to me.  Mid afternoon he got a coughing spell and was moaning because the hernia hurt, so I gave him a doxe of the one med.  It took a little while to work into his system (and it’s actually a very small dose), but it did seem to work.  He went back to sleep, which is pretty much how he’s been all day.

This morning .. well, around noon I guess .. he was awake, so I took him his pills (I removed one really big one that he can do without for a day or two if necessary), I had to put them in his mouth.  It still took a really long time – over half an hour – before he swallowed them.  He never did drink more than half his glass; which prompts me to also worry about him getting dehydrated. 

One thing that is really concerning me is that he seems to be completely unable to roll over on his side, or do much of any kind of movement.  That could pose a big problem for me to deal with … and it won’t even matter that it’s a weekend, since some issues need to be dealt with when they occur, and not only on weekday mornings.

People:

The CAN, of course, this morning .. and she also called the nurse for some information.  Then the nurse came by later in the morning as I mentioned.  TGF came by and I gave her some hamburger I’d thawed … clearly no point in cooking anything for DH tonight anyway, and I just won’t bother for just myself.

Emotions:

Right now the overriding thought is to wonder if I’ve done something wrong that has caused this decline so quickly.  I worry about him having another infection … it’s been over a year, which is actually the longest he’s gone without one.  But, he has no temperature as far as I can tell (and did not yesterday morning for sure).  That would be, to my understanding, a primary indicator in addition to abdomen pain.  He has said the stomach ache does not feel the same as the pain he had last year with the infection.  I even used drainage bags overnight instead of draining into the tub  The fluid had stuff floating … my impression was it was fibrin; but it was not actually cloudy.  Am I wrong on that?   I decided to see how he does over the weekend, and try the bags again maybe Sunday night. 

Even though the nurse said he’s clearly declining, she didn’t seem concerned (as in call the family or anything .. not “immediate danger” but definitely sooner rather than later).  TGF thought I should call the family.  I don’t think so, not now.  If he feels bad he won’t appreciate company; and if he’s sleeiping, he wouldn’t know the difference.  And I certainly don’t want a lot of people (especially his sisters) coming over here all long faces and boo-hoo—hooing.  I just couldn’t handle that.

I need to clean my house.  It’s not “awful”; but if there’s even a remote chance of people all suddenly thinking they have to hover, I need toknow I’m not going to feel embarrassed or ashamed.  I feel a bit lethargic, like I just can’t get myself motivated to do anything.

I don’t feel sad right now.  I feel worried, stressed, alone, confused.  And the yard .. oh my what a horrible first impression it gives to my house right now.