Day 304
Frisday, March
2`, 2014
Physical
Twice a day
“updates” are not really necessary. But
since the whole point here is an “outlet” for me, I’m writing anyway. It’s now about 4:30 in the afternoon. This has not been a great day.
This morning
the nurse came by (to my surprise) and pre-filled syringes of 2 different pain
meds that I can give to DH as needed.
One is for general pain (he’s been complaining of his stomach hurting,
and a little bit of his joints hurting) and one specifically for the pain from
his hernia. She also pointed out the med
for nausea that I could put in a marked container. This is all very helpful to me. Mid afternoon he got a coughing spell and was
moaning because the hernia hurt, so I gave him a doxe of the one med. It took a little while to work into his
system (and it’s actually a very small dose), but it did seem to work. He went back to sleep, which is pretty much
how he’s been all day.
This morning
.. well, around noon I guess .. he was awake, so I took him his pills (I
removed one really big one that he can do without for a day or two if
necessary), I had to put them in his mouth.
It still took a really long time – over half an hour – before he
swallowed them. He never did drink more
than half his glass; which prompts me to also worry about him getting
dehydrated.
One thing
that is really concerning me is that he seems to be completely unable to roll
over on his side, or do much of any kind of movement. That could pose a big problem for me to deal
with … and it won’t even matter that it’s a weekend, since some issues need to
be dealt with when they occur, and not only on weekday mornings.
People:
The CAN, of
course, this morning .. and she also called the nurse for some
information. Then the nurse came by
later in the morning as I mentioned. TGF
came by and I gave her some hamburger I’d thawed … clearly no point in cooking
anything for DH tonight anyway, and I just won’t bother for just myself.
Emotions:
Right now the
overriding thought is to wonder if I’ve done something wrong that has caused
this decline so quickly. I worry about
him having another infection … it’s been over a year, which is actually the
longest he’s gone without one. But, he
has no temperature as far as I can tell (and did not yesterday morning for
sure). That would be, to my
understanding, a primary indicator in addition to abdomen pain. He has said the stomach ache does not feel
the same as the pain he had last year with the infection. I even used drainage bags overnight instead
of draining into the tub The fluid had
stuff floating … my impression was it was fibrin; but it was not actually
cloudy. Am I wrong on that? I decided to see how he does over the
weekend, and try the bags again maybe Sunday night.
Even though
the nurse said he’s clearly declining, she didn’t seem concerned (as in call
the family or anything .. not “immediate danger” but definitely sooner rather
than later). TGF thought I should call
the family. I don’t think so, not
now. If he feels bad he won’t appreciate
company; and if he’s sleeiping, he wouldn’t know the difference. And I certainly don’t want a lot of people
(especially his sisters) coming over here all long faces and boo-hoo—hooing. I just couldn’t handle that.
I need to
clean my house. It’s not “awful”; but if
there’s even a remote chance of people all suddenly thinking they have to
hover, I need toknow I’m not going to feel embarrassed or ashamed. I feel a bit lethargic, like I just can’t get
myself motivated to do anything.
I don’t feel sad right now. I feel worried, stressed, alone,
confused. And the yard .. oh my what a
horrible first impression it gives to my house right now.
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