Day 303
Thursday, March
20, 2014
Physical
It’s only mid
afternoon, but I just feel the need to write about today (so far). This morning DH was a little lethargic when
the CAN got him bathed; but did not seem unusually so (he doesn’t like early
morning either). He said his stomach
hurt, but that was all.
When the
nurse got here, he was still “foggy” (hard to explain .. more groggy, but not
the confused kind of groggy). He told her
he didn’t feel good and his stomach hurt.
I had just minutes before she got here finished changing him from a big
mess, and he said at the time his stomach might feel a little better. But, when she took his vitals, his O2 sat was
97%, good. His temp was normal. But his B/P was 80 over something, and his
pulse rate was very slow and weak. He
asked her what was wrong, and she told him.
(she is not “mean” or anything, but she does believe in being blunt and
answering questions._ She told him his
health was declining. He asked if he was
going to die, and she told him God calls us all when it’s our time. He told her he wished God would hurry up and
call him. Later, he woke up a
little. He didn’t want to sit up, but I
took him his pills and drink (in a sippy cup).
I ended up helping him get the pills, and he asked me why, if he was in
such bad shape, did he need to bother taking all those pills. Very good question, I told him I’d ask the
nurse. Oh, and she also noted his
apnea. I’ve said several times about him
seeming to “hold his breath” .. but this is the first time it was so bad that
she noted it.
About mid
afternoon he called me, and said he thought he had another “mess”. He did.
Very much so, and (pardon the grahic description) very leaky. I got him cleaned up and the bed pad into the
wash AGAIN. He promptly went back to
sleep, but he does seem to be breathing more regularly (no notable apneas).
He had no
temperature, but I am wondering if he’s having any residual effect from the
catheter being cut on Monday. I will use
drainage bags tonight to try to see if there’s any cloudininess. If there is or even if he’s still complaining
about his stomach hurting, I may call the dialysis nurse.
The hospice
volunteer called (always on Thursday) to see if we needed anything. I asked her to get a message to the chaplain
asking him to come by tomorrow IF he has time.
I think, considering the above coversations, maybe it would help DH to
have a conversation with the chaplain.
People:
It’s been a
surprisingly busy morning. The CAN early
of course. Then the nurse around a
little after 10:00. We had time to talk
before she went in to check DH. Then the
volunteer came, and also her supervisor came for a brief visit. The volunteer stayed until a little after
2:00, helping me sort through old spices, and clean and organize one corner of
the kitchen counter.
Emotions:
Am I the one
in denial? When the nurse told me there
was a very noticeable decline in DH today, my only thought was “yeah, I’ve seen
it before, he’ll snap out of it in a day or two”. And maybe he will. I find it hard to accept that he could go
that far downhill that quickly .. I expect it to be a slow somewhat steady
decline. I do know that there can be “triggers”
that cause sudden dropps in his condition …. But I tend to think of those
mostly in terms of his mental condition, not physical. I know his physical condition can change of
course .. but what (and when) would cause such a sudden change since yesterday?
Despite all
the people in and out this morning, I feel really alone. I don’t want to call any of the kids and get
them all bent out of shape over what
might not mean anything significant. So
there’s really no one here to talk to. I
have to just drag myself through the rest of this day, and see how things are
tomorrow.
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