Day 303 (mid day)

Day 303

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Physical

It’s only mid afternoon, but I just feel the need to write about today (so far).  This morning DH was a little lethargic when the CAN got him bathed; but did not seem unusually so (he doesn’t like early morning either).  He said his stomach hurt, but that was all.

When the nurse got here, he was still “foggy” (hard to explain .. more groggy, but not the confused kind of groggy).  He told her he didn’t feel good and his stomach hurt.  I had just minutes before she got here finished changing him from a big mess, and he said at the time his stomach might feel a little better.  But, when she took his vitals, his O2 sat was 97%, good.  His temp was normal.  But his B/P was 80 over something, and his pulse rate was very slow and weak.  He asked her what was wrong, and she told him.  (she is not “mean” or anything, but she does believe in being blunt and answering questions._  She told him his health was declining.  He asked if he was going to die, and she told him God calls us all when it’s our time.  He told her he wished God would hurry up and call him.  Later, he woke up a little.  He didn’t want to sit up, but I took him his pills and drink (in a sippy cup).  I ended up helping him get the pills, and he asked me why, if he was in such bad shape, did he need to bother taking all those pills.  Very good question, I told him I’d ask the nurse.  Oh, and she also noted his apnea.  I’ve said several times about him seeming to “hold his breath” .. but this is the first time it was so bad that she noted it. 

About mid afternoon he called me, and said he thought he had another “mess”.  He did.  Very much so, and (pardon the grahic description) very leaky.  I got him cleaned up and the bed pad into the wash AGAIN.  He promptly went back to sleep, but he does seem to be breathing more regularly (no notable apneas). 

He had no temperature, but I am wondering if he’s having any residual effect from the catheter being cut on Monday.  I will use drainage bags tonight to try to see if there’s any cloudininess.  If there is or even if he’s still complaining about his stomach hurting, I may call the dialysis nurse.

The hospice volunteer called (always on Thursday) to see if we needed anything.  I asked her to get a message to the chaplain asking him to come by tomorrow IF he has time.  I think, considering the above coversations, maybe it would help DH to have a conversation with the chaplain.

People:

It’s been a surprisingly busy morning.  The CAN early of course.  Then the nurse around a little after 10:00.  We had time to talk before she went in to check DH.  Then the volunteer came, and also her supervisor came for a brief visit.  The volunteer stayed until a little after 2:00, helping me sort through old spices, and clean and organize one corner of the kitchen counter.

Emotions:

Am I the one in denial?  When the nurse told me there was a very noticeable decline in DH today, my only thought was “yeah, I’ve seen it before, he’ll snap out of it in a day or two”.   And maybe he will.  I find it hard to accept that he could go that far downhill that quickly .. I expect it to be a slow somewhat steady decline.  I do know that there can be “triggers” that cause sudden dropps in his condition …. But I tend to think of those mostly in terms of his mental condition, not physical.    I know his physical condition can change of course .. but what (and when) would cause such a sudden change since yesterday?

Despite all the people in and out this morning, I feel really alone.  I don’t want to call any of the kids and get them all bent out of shape  over what might not mean anything significant.  So there’s really no one here to talk to.  I have to just drag myself through the rest of this day, and see how things are tomorrow.