Day 57

Day 57

Saturday, May 24, 2014

It’s only Saturday morning now, but I had thoughts bouncing around in my head that I just needed to get out.  I feel better this morning.  I took some Tylenol PM, slept in my own comfy chair, and no draft blowing directly on my face and throat.  The slight cold isn’t gone, but I don’t feel yucky.   Well, not to much; and I am rested.

But, I am disturbed (which I know a lot of people would agree with) and frustrated.  I have to be able to “make ends meet” on my reduced income.  Even though it’s more than I expected, it’s not *that* much more … and it’s over $700 less than the combined incomes were.  Well,  I have not been able to reduce the household expenses by that much.  Some, but not enough.  There are very few things I have any control over; but one is the electric  The first month I sat in the dark, basically, I got my electric bill down by over half.  This month, however, I did have to give in and turn on the a/c and ceiling fans.  Now I don’t turn the a/c very cold .. usually around 78, and up to 80 if I’m not home.  And fans are only on in a room I’m actually using.  With only myself here, one shower a day and a handful of dishes, and about 2 loads of laundry a week is all that makes the pump run.

But .. when I’m not home, I have no choice but have TGF come over to look after the cats.  And, at least until September (and except the next few weeks), she’s my driver to get to appointments at Duke.  I have no idea what I will do when everyone is working  … it’s not that easy for any of the kids to take off work.  But the frustration is in that she is pretty much making free with my house when I’m not here, and since she’s helping me out I can’t really say anything. 

I came home with laundry to do … and can’t even do it because both washer and dryer are full, and it appears there are at least 2 more loads waiting.  And they took 3 or 4 baskets full when they left last night.  And I had dishes in the sink (granted, not many .. but why should they have left ME anything to wahs???).  And her son apparently always takes a shower here .. so more hot water, more towels to wash.  And, of course, TV and lights on.  It all adds up, and I’m very much afraid my next electric bill is going to put my very delicately balanced budget in serious jeopardy.

I’ve gone Way out of my way to help them out for years.   Now that there is literally no money to give them (although in theory it’s “loan” … but I’ll be surprised if they actually make the payments promised when TGF starts working, even though she’s very well aware it will make the difference between my being able to stay here and not)  apparently they (mostly TGF; but DSS doesn’t seem to have a clue what’s going on anyway .. he still won’t even bother to come get the trash) have decided I’m going to help them no matter what it costs me.    And, as I said, I have to depend on TGF to take me where I need to go (i.e., she’s supposed to come take me to town later this morning to pick up new meds ordered and to go pick up an order at a shop in town for my SIL) … I don’t feel like I can complain about their using me, my house, so much for fear she’ll become “unavailable” when I need to get somewhere … despite that she’s driving MY car. 

I have a ridiculous schedule of pills and eye drops right now.  I hope I can keep up.  The doctor printed out a schedule … well duh!!  I can’t READ it!!!  I’m sure she didn’t actually put it together in her mind that way, and was trying to help.  Anyway, for now I’m trying to use a combination of alarm clock and timer.  On travel days, I’ll just have to depend on someone else to help remind me (I simply can’t see a watch or most clocks to tell what time it is).  In a short time it’ll be time for first of twice a day eye drops (2 of them, 5 minutes apart) and pill (because it seems the drops aren’t doing enough to lower the pressure, at least not when I’m using the anti inflammatory drops). 

As soon as the timer goes off to start the drops, then I’ll go on and get in the shower and get the cats fed.

Side note: this makes me so sad.  Yesterday we happened to catch a piece of a news report on the TV in the Duke lobby .. about 2 ATCs that “did their job”.  We were joking about things that didn’t happen to make the news, and one thing was that there was no “mass shooting”.  Just now on the morning news I heard that we were wrong.  There actually was a mass shooting somewhere.  That is so awfully depressing.  There is some evil out there that just can’t ever be predicted and therefore prevented.  It’s a very scary world; and not being able to see it clearly dos not make it less so.

The *good* news is, being frustrated with TGF keeps my mind away from *thinking* too much and getting depressed.  Most of the time.