Day 57
Saturday, May 24, 2014
It’s only Saturday morning now, but I had
thoughts bouncing around in my head that I just needed to get out. I feel better this morning. I took some Tylenol PM, slept in my own comfy
chair, and no draft blowing directly on my face and throat. The slight cold isn’t gone, but I don’t feel
yucky. Well, not to much; and I am
rested.
But, I am disturbed (which I know a lot of
people would agree with) and frustrated.
I have to be able to “make ends meet” on my reduced income. Even though it’s more than I expected, it’s
not *that* much more … and it’s over $700 less than the combined incomes
were. Well, I have not been able to reduce the household
expenses by that much. Some, but not
enough. There are very few things I have
any control over; but one is the electric
The first month I sat in the dark, basically, I got my electric bill
down by over half. This month, however,
I did have to give in and turn on the a/c and ceiling fans. Now I don’t turn the a/c very cold .. usually
around 78, and up to 80 if I’m not home.
And fans are only on in a room I’m actually using. With only myself here, one shower a day and a
handful of dishes, and about 2 loads of laundry a week is all that makes the
pump run.
But .. when I’m not home, I have no choice but
have TGF come over to look after the cats.
And, at least until September (and except the next few weeks), she’s my
driver to get to appointments at Duke. I
have no idea what I will do when everyone is working … it’s not that easy for any of the kids to
take off work. But the frustration is in
that she is pretty much making free with my house when I’m not here, and since
she’s helping me out I can’t really say anything.
I came home with laundry to do … and can’t even
do it because both washer and dryer are full, and it appears there are at least
2 more loads waiting. And they took 3 or
4 baskets full when they left last night.
And I had dishes in the sink (granted, not many .. but why should they
have left ME anything to wahs???). And
her son apparently always takes a shower here .. so more hot water, more towels
to wash. And, of course, TV and lights
on. It all adds up, and I’m very much
afraid my next electric bill is going to put my very delicately balanced budget
in serious jeopardy.
I’ve gone Way out of my way to help them out for
years. Now that there is literally no
money to give them (although in theory it’s “loan” … but I’ll be surprised if
they actually make the payments promised when TGF starts working, even though
she’s very well aware it will make the difference between my being able to stay
here and not) apparently they (mostly
TGF; but DSS doesn’t seem to have a clue what’s going on anyway .. he still won’t
even bother to come get the trash) have decided I’m going to help them no
matter what it costs me. And, as I
said, I have to depend on TGF to take me where I need to go (i.e., she’s
supposed to come take me to town later this morning to pick up new meds ordered
and to go pick up an order at a shop in town for my SIL) … I don’t feel like I
can complain about their using me, my house, so much for fear she’ll become “unavailable”
when I need to get somewhere … despite that she’s driving MY car.
I have a ridiculous schedule of pills and eye
drops right now. I hope I can keep
up. The doctor printed out a schedule …
well duh!! I can’t READ it!!! I’m sure she didn’t actually put it together
in her mind that way, and was trying to help.
Anyway, for now I’m trying to use a combination of alarm clock and
timer. On travel days, I’ll just have to
depend on someone else to help remind me (I simply can’t see a watch or most
clocks to tell what time it is). In a
short time it’ll be time for first of twice a day eye drops (2 of them, 5
minutes apart) and pill (because it seems the drops aren’t doing enough to
lower the pressure, at least not when I’m using the anti inflammatory drops).
As soon as the timer goes off to start the
drops, then I’ll go on and get in the shower and get the cats fed.
Side note: this makes me so sad. Yesterday we happened to catch a piece of a
news report on the TV in the Duke lobby .. about 2 ATCs that “did their job”. We were joking about things that didn’t
happen to make the news, and one thing was that there was no “mass shooting”. Just now on the morning news I heard that we
were wrong. There actually was a mass
shooting somewhere. That is so awfully
depressing. There is some evil out there
that just can’t ever be predicted and therefore prevented. It’s a very scary world; and not being able
to see it clearly dos not make it less so.
The *good* news is, being frustrated with TGF
keeps my mind away from *thinking* too much and getting depressed. Most of the time.
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