Day 50

Day 50

Saturday, May 17, 2014

The day started out fairly well.  I got up early, but not too early.  Ihave gotten into a habit now of washing up any dishes (and I usually leave whatever there is during the day in a pan of soapy water to soak) while the coffee pot heats up.  So right away, that’s done.  I did a load of laundry; and though it took awhile, it all got put up.  I completely changed the litter boxes, put a new bag in the genie, and swept the bathroom and back hall. 

Off and on I checked email; then I watched the few Saturday morning TV shows I enjoy. 

I got out my stick-vac, and that was my downfill.  I had to figure out how to empty the canister .. and that’s pretty tricky when you are doing it just by feel.  I did finally figure it out .. but in the process, apparently sucked up a good bit of dust.  I had coughing spells the rest of the afternoon.  Poor Maggie would come settle in my lap … and then I’d get coughing and *disturb* her.  How dare I!!

I didn’t get any real cleaning done the rest of the day, but I did get a few more organizing bits and pieces done.  I’ve got most of the things I need to pack (and take to NB) in one place ready to be neatly put in my suitcase.  I don’t know what time DS is coming, but I expect I have until at the very earliest noon (and if by some miracle he comes earlier than that, he may just have to wait for me!).

Around mid afternoon my SIL popped in for a quick visit.  She didn’t stay long, maybe an hour, but it was a nice break in the day.   I’m glad she understands that I don’t have a problem with her just dropping by unannounced (and I also know she wouldn’t be offended if I told her I was busy … she’d offer to help).  She brought me some spaghetti, some salad fixings, and some cherries (sour) from her tree.  I enjoyed a salad and spaghetti for supper, and the rest of the salad things (lettuce and tomatoes) will go with me to NB.

I did get a really sad (weepy) spell last night, which caught me completely off guard.  I know that will happen sometimes; I think I’m doing pretty good that it doesn’t happen as often  now.  So when it does, I just “go with it”.  But the sneak attacks are a bit unnerving … they happen at such odd times.  Of course, there are times when talking about DHs that I can get choked up .. but I know that’s normal.  That’s not what I mean.  It’s when here by myself, and something triggers a memory .. random, unexpected things … that “catch me”. I don’t know if it would happen if I wasn’t by myself; but there are times when I must be (by myself).  I am enjoying the traveling and visiting with family, and greatly appreciate the invitations.  But that’s not going to last forever, and at the end of the day, “alone” is how I live now.  Maybe that won’t last forever either, but it’s my reality now.

Since I hate to come home to a messy house, I plan to finish cleaning this morning.  Sadly, I’m leaving a big pile of bags of trash.  My cats have not in the past bothered that, so I have to hope they won’t.  I have no idea when DSS will come get it.  They didn’t come by at all last weekend (because they assumed DS would be here all day).  The weekend before that DSS was out of town.  So it’s been at least 3 weeks since they bothered.  I wonder if they assume that since there is no longer big bags of dialysis trash, that by myself I couldn’t possibly generate much so they don’t need to bother?  (never mind all the trash being generated as stuff gets cleaned out!).  But, I will do the best I can and trust that someone will actually come get it all while I’m gone.  Of course, likely someone will come use my stove and my laundry room … I don’t mind as long as they don’t leave me a messy house.  If TGF does laundry she will change the washer settings.  I’ve asked her to put them back when she’s done, but she never remembers.  So I guess I’m *required* to use HER preferred settings to do my own laundry since I can’t see the dials to put them where I want them.  I hope she’s bringing her own laundry soap (though it wouldn’t surprise me if she “forgot”).I hate sounding selfish and greedy; and I would like to be able to just tell her use whatever you need.  But the fact is, I am now on a Very restricted budget.  And I will be until (unless) she keeps a promise and makes payments to me of $$ they owe.  Meantime, by the time I pay the bills that Must be paid, there’s not much left for groceries … and that includes such “extras” as laundry soap.  At one time I tried very hard to “stockpile” non perishable items against the day when maybe I couldn’t get what I needed.  But that was a waste of time mostly since TGF thinks it’s perfectly OK to raid my house when she runs out of money and needs something.  And if she “replaces” anything, it’s with the cheapest possible (not necessarily what I had to start with).  I do have a few things I won’t run out of any time soon.  Especially paper towels … I was going through a lot of them, but now not so many.  And they don’t use them apparently, since that’s not something she gets from me (and I know she wouldn’t even bother to buy them knowing I had “plenty”). 

I know it doesn’t sound like it, but most of the time I do like TGF  But she does irritate me a lot .. and expressing my frustrations here is about the only outlet I have.  A lot of other things make me sad or depressed or disappointed that I can’t write about, having learned the hard way what people get offended about (even if I’m not even talking about them!).  So I take it all out on TGF. 

I give myself about a 3 hour window to do some cleaning.  Then I will shower, do a last load of laundry, and finish packing.  The computer goes with me, though I don’t always write as much from NB .. a bit of an awkward setup, and without a good light. Anyone that has any reason to get in touch with me has my cell phone number (though the poor thing might go into shock if it got used much! LOL!)