Day 35

Day 35

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Yesterday (Thursday) was a very odd day, and not a very good one.  I almost wrote about it last night; but decided it might be better to put some “distance” in to sort out what I’m thinking.  I feel like I over reacted to a situation … so I have to try to figure out why.

Around mid morning the landlord came to the door.  He told me he was bringing some guys to prune the bushes around the house that were over grown.  I’ve tried and tried, and I can’t remember the *exact* words he used, but that was certainly my impression.  It felt like he was being helpful, sending someone to take care of things I’d been unable to get done.

Two guys (one of them our neighbor – whom I’d been told was a very good landscaper) worked around the house all day.

No problem, right?  Wrong!!!  They cut everything  … every single shrub … right down to the ground.  That includes a gorgeous flowering wigelia.  That includes a lovely forsythia that was out on the front corner and could not possibly have been in the way of anything.  That even includes the large cree myrtle tree out near the pumphouse.  I can’t see well enough to tell what, if anything, they did to any of the things growing in planters along the driveway.

But I am so devastated … the severity of what they did just feels to unnecessary, like such “overkill”.  I don’t know if my vision, or my renting here, will last long enough for some of those things to ever be pretty again.

But, I do wonder why I reacted so strongly.  It’s not *my* property; and I am not able to keep it up (I’ve said for a long time that the inability to keep up with such a big yard could push me out of here long before any problem with the house itself could).   Nothing (as far as I can tell) was totally ripped out, so things should regrow even if slowly.  And even if they trampled the bulbs blooming or about to bloom this year, the bulbs will come back next spring.

Am I “transferring” emotions I’ve held in check?  Was this like a “last straw” type reaction?  Do I just feel angry and sad because I feel to helpless (as in it’s not my property, so I can’t get mad)?  I don’t know.

The neighbor lady came over for a short visit.  That was very weird, as she only had the little one (I think he’s around 2 or 3) with her, so no translator. She tries, and I try, but communication is very hard.  I guess she came because her husband was one of the workers .. she and the baby were out in the yard with them most of the afternoon I think.  That also made me feel a little uncomfortable.  I have this thought way in the back of my head that they’d love to force me out .. one person in this big house .. maybe trade houses.  I would not do that; if they persuaded the landlord that their family of 6 had more “right” to this house than me, I’d be moving elsewhere.

My SIL called in the afternoon.  She had not been able to come over because she had to go to a funeral.  I told her about the yard, and she can’t understand why I don’t (or didn’t) complain about what they were doing.  Really??  Like I had any say in the matter???  I don’t think so.

Anyway, she’s coming over this morning. We’re going out to the “burn pile” and see if we can find any of the cut off branches of the wigelia and forsythia to try to root.  Then she’s going to take me to the grocery store.

I’m still having a problem with the cats, and it’s making me crazy.  I can’t feed them outside because of those blasted dogs.  But when I try to feed them in the back hall, they keep darting into the house.  I thought they were all accounted for .. but then late last night, there was one in the kitchen.  It let me pick it up and pet, but only briefly.  Not long enough to carry to the door.   So, it’s somewhere in the house.  I wanted to mop the kitchen floor this morning .. but there’s a distinctive (unpleasant) smell in there this morning.  I have to wait for SIL to help me locate what needs to be cleaned before I try to sweep or mop!  And I still have to figure out how to get that dratted cat out!

And then, I woke up this morning to what sounded like a scratching noise.  It *seemed* to come from the back bedroom.  I haven’t opened the door … totally scared to find that some critter has found a way around the blocked hole in the wall.  I know I didn’t shut either of my cats in there, because they’re accounted for; and I haven’t opened that door since in the afternoon.

I know that one of the things I have to come to terms with is living here (or anywhere) alone and dealing with whatever comes up on my own.  That means the yard, any critters, cleaning the house, paying the bills, getting to doctor appointments, picking up my eye drops, etc.  And really, the only difference between now and how the last few months with DH is that DSS doesn’t call frequently to ask how his dad is doing. 

OK, sometimes writing things out is not a good idea, as I let myself start getting depressed or frustrated all over again.  I can’t do some of the things I wanted to do this morning; but I can go on and get ready (as in fit to be seen in public!), and just deal with the day as it comes. I’m not sure walking around the yard with SIL is going to be a good thing … I’ll likely get upset over what was done all over again, because it will make her angry.  But I’ll just have to deal with that too.

After I get some groceries, I will try to get into the habit of eating breakfast … hopefully that will help me be in a better frame of mind.