Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Day 108

Day 108

Monday, July 14, 2014

The day was very stressful, but not in the “usual” ways.  It was not even remotely productive.  I hope I’ll “make up lost time” this week, but every day is a guessing game.
I started the day out not really knowing what to expect.  By 10:00 or close to it, the lady called me about Butter.  I called TGF, and she said she’d come “right over” to take me to the grocery store.  It took her an hour and a half to get here; but I did get back home by the time I needed to.  She took her laundry and the trash, and went on her way.  A little after 1:00 the lady came to get Butter.  It was so sad for me to let him go; but he went back to his “original” family, and they are delighted to have him.  He will be fine.  I will be sad for awhile.  Maggie is gloating.
The rest of the day was basically a wash.  I just couldn’t get motivated to do anything.  I did a load of laundry, and didn’t even get it all put away.   In the early evening my SIL called.  She told me she had been to her doctor again (she has on going health problems), and has to go to the hospital Thursday for another stent.  And I am Totally ashamed to admit that nearly my first thought (after a quick “sinking” feeling on her behalf) was  horribly selfish .. she won’t be able to take me to the bank Friday as we’d arranged.   I wonder if that means I’ll have to hold her check yet another week.  She said she’ll come this morning (before the heat gets worse, and before the predicted storms get here) … I’ll ask her to take me to town to deposit the gas check instead of holding it any longer (I’m really awful.  But I don’t want TGF to know how much refund I got because I don’t want her to think I’ve got plenty of money and don’t need her to repay anything .. or worse, want to borrow more!)  Right now I just don’t like myself very much.  I think I used to be more trusting; but experience has taught me otherwise.

If we get the storms this afternoon (and so very often they go north and south but skip over my area) I likely won’t get much done again. 

One thing I don’t understand is why so many people seem to have the opinion that my loss of vision equals completely stupid.  I have friends who not only insist on telling me what I *should* do, but actually yell at me when I dare to disagree with their point of view.  And my SIL, well meaning to be sure, keeps telling me “what to do” about the next yardsale .. even as I’m telling her that’s exactly what we’ve already made arrangements to do!   It’s like nothing already planned counts unless she tells me what to do.  I may not be the smartest person around, but I’m not completely stupid either.

I am frustrated though.   For one thing, I was given a link to a storage facility to check out.  But TGF has not been able to spare a few minutes to sit down and look at it.  DIL is out of town, and SIL is terrified of computers in general.  I’m frustrated that the apartment stuff is taking so long.  I’m overwhelmed by the amount of *stuff* still to deal with in the house.  I’m frustrated at trying to sell some of the things I don’t need to keep …. TGF withdrew all the online ads.  But instead of relisting, she’s decided I should have a consignment shop just take it all.  Well, fine.  Except I need to sell them now, not months from now!  It’s difficult enough trying to figure out a budget without a clear idea of expenses; but I’m terrified of under estimating .. but can’t count on anything. 

I know everything will turn out alright eventually.  My BFF has declared herself a “crone” (at all of only 6 months older than me! LOL), and she says I’m due a break and so it must be.  Well, that’s as good as anything to hold on to.  But it doesn’t keep me from stressing about things … the not knowing what will happen, the people who are unreliable, the inevitable setbacks.

I woke early again … but I fall asleep so early.  I’d like to get that turned around, but even when a situation helps me stay up later .. I still wake too early.  Then I seem to have a hard time getting going.  I occasionally have spurts of energy, and get random things done.  But I also sit down at the computer, and put off getting showered and dressed.  Well, there’s no rush in the morning … but I’ve never been comfortable just staying in night clothes all day.  And the past year has trained me to be up and dressed early and ready for what ever happens … even though there’s no reason, most of the time, to expect anything (or anyone) early.  I also have to adjust to a “new” routine that doesn’t include letting Butter out.  That feels odd. L

Odd or not, I need to get myself up and moving and ready for whatever this day throws at me

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