Day 100

Day 100

Sunday, July 7, 2014

I can hardly believe it’s been 100 days since DH passed away.  I still (and probably always will) get crying spells that catch me totally off guard.  And I get just sad spells.  I think of him every day; but I do try to concentrate on remembering happier early years.

I find I write less and less about my feelings.  I never know when someone might happen to get offended at something I say, and that’s very depressing.  The whole point was originally to have a place to record things as they happened and my feelings at the time.  I neither promoted nor made the blog private, because I honestly never expected anyone to be interested.

Now I find that there are loved ones who do follow .. but I’m not even sure why any more.  My life is basicly pretty boring I think.  And I really don’t understand why anyone would want to know what I’m up to .. especially when it’s day after day of the frustration of being “trapped” and trying to deal with things that my vision makes difficult … and yet I rarely have any idea what anyone else is doing.  I can’t see well enough to try to keep up with FaceBook, and since some of the blogs I follow are so rarely updated, I don’t check them very often. 

So, yesterday was a quiet day.  I feel like I got a lot accomplished .. and yet, I look around and think maybe it was not so much.  The thing is, the vast majority of what I’m sorting and urging is stuff from closets, cabinets, drawers, etc.  The things that don’t really show much yet. The boxes are piling up .. and that’s getting a bit scary.  Too much, too much.  I don’t have but so much room.  I think now that I have boxes, I need to rethink a few of the earlier things I packed.  Things that need to go into storage should be in the plastic totes, and not things to go to the apartment.  Or at least, only things that I’ll want to keep there but not necessarily “out” all the time.

I tend to go from one room to another, but I guess it keeps me from feeling overwhelmed in any one area.  I pulled a few things out of one kitchen cabinet .. all of which must be washed, whether I’m keeping them or not.  Horrible yucky cabinet!!  I will need help (hopefully from DGS15) to reach the dark back corner! 

I had a stack of cheeseboxes with a cover in a small corner .. just looked like a small table.  There were SIX of them, each one filled with assorted decorative stuff that I’ve used from time to time.  I’m quite pleased with myself in that I managed to cull all that down to only about 2/3 of a smaller box for keeping.  The majority, including the boxes (unless someone wants them) will go to the yardsale.  Those things likely won’t sell for more than small change; but every little bit helps and it’s things out of the house.  But other than that empty corner – which no one but myself will even notice – not so much done.   I need to tackle the sewing area and the desk area .. but I haven’t worked up the courage to do those yet.

During the afternoon I dozed a bit.  I also had a long phone conversation with my SIL.  She said she’d come over this morning; but her health is not good, and she frequently says she will come but doesn’t show up.  In any case, I need to quit whining and go get this day started.