Day 125

Day 125

Wednesday July 30, 2014

Yesterday I received the most amazing gift: Peace of mind!  I will not go into details.  Enough to say I am overwhelmingly grateful!   And I now have a LOT more work to do!

In theory not having my email working should have meant I spend less time here.  Didn’t work that way.  I’ve been trying to function using gmail;  but I am not familiar with it, so missing a lot.  I can’t find the “reply” function, so can only email people who happen to already be in the address book.  Fortunately, my DIL is there and I’ve been in touch.   She is going to try to come this weekend for a short visit to try to help me deal with a few things, including the computer.

I’m pretty sure I’ve convinced TGF that this weekend would be a very bad time to try to have a yardsale.  The weather forecast keeps getting worse.  One more week is more time to finish getting things in boxes and moved to her house .. but next weekend is the absolute last chance.

I got a lot of things sorted and packed.I was able to cross a lot of things off my list.  Unfortunately, I kept thinging of things that needed to be added!  As of this morning I have 24 days to accomplish 46 items; and that’s if I don’t think of more things that need to be on the list (which as I said above, I have).

I’m getting very frustrated dealing with being in my own way.  And as glad as I am to have boxes … they are so big that most of them are very heavy.  I’ve tried to “balance” heavier items with lighter ones, but it isn’t really helping much.

Not having email benefitted in a few ways .. although, thinking about it .. maybe things would have happened the way they did anyway.  I had nice long phone conversations with DSis and DB.  I had brief conversations with DIL and TGF.  I can’t even remember a day when I’ve talked to so many people in the same day without anyone actually bing in my house!  (and not heard from SIL all week).

Even though I have so many things on my list, many of them are either things I can’t do this far ahead, things I can’t do until I have some help, or things that I only have a small amount left to do to complete the area.  For example, all cabinets and the closet in the laundry room are emptied.  (and yes, I know how fortunate I’ve been to have that wonderful laundry room).  But obviously I’m still doing laundry up until I move, so a certain amount of things are still in use.  And there are still a small group of things I’m not sure what to do with.  Plus, even though cleaning supplies are rounded up, I still need to go back through them and purge better.  With a big sprawling house I’ve had cleaning stuff in different areas; that will no longer be the case, and we will not only not need so much, we won’t have room to store so much. 

I also plan to go back through the things that are packed up for storage.  I’m pushing myself to ONLY store things that have sentimental (irreplaceable) value.  It’s very hard to give up perfectly good things just because I was *told* to not bring this or that … for no better reason than that my things just don’t seem to be “good enough”.  OK, maybe that’s not a completely fair summary .. but that’s what it feels like.  Nevertheless,  I’m trying hard to not allow myself to store anything that I really can replace if I ever need to.

That does not, so far, include the decorative stuff in the attic.  But with 24 days to go, I’m thinking that if I push hard to handle the things “nearly” done, I can find a little time to start sorting upstairs.  I absolutely refuse to just throw it all out (as some people have implied they think I should).  But I’m not stupid, I’m perfectly aware I can’t keep it all, and can’t afford to store it all.  That doesn’t mean I can’t keep *some* of it.  The weather is cooler this week .. abnormally cool for this time of year … so the room upstairs should be more bearable, at least for short periods.  If I can get up there some, I suspect there will be even more stuff to go into the yardsale (another good reason to wait one more week).

All confusion about the apartment is settled; at least I think so.  There’s still no lease signed.  After talking to DS, it seems the guy at the rental office didn’t tell her what he told me about redoing the papers because of one misspelled word.  I will call them – frequently if I need to – to make sure that gets done so I have time to get there to sign the lease. It’s a bit unnerving to have things still unsettled because of a stupid minor mistake.

When DIL gets here, I will get her to post an email for me from my Hotmail (she can access it; and I’m not comfortable with her computer) … I have come across a small number of things that I don’t think I can take to the apartment; but I don’t want to put them in the yardsale.  I don’t mind giving them away, it’s just that I’d WAY prefer to give them to family.  So I’m hoping someone can use them.  I have a wonderful huge electric roaster.  I’ve used it many times, and love it.  But it’s way too big to be able to find a place to store in the apartment; and too big to try to carry on a bus if I put it in storage .. which means it just wouldn’t ever get used.  I’d love to pass it on to someone who would enjoy it.  And I found an electric grill .. pretty sure it was a gift at one time.  It’s been used some, but then once it was stored it was forgotten.  Another thing not very practical for the apartment (we have a Foreman grill).  And I have a watering timer (I’ve already given away 2, but have one more).  At one time my yard was very pretty; but even as I was less able to get out there, my “helper” deserted me.  It no longer matters.  But the timer is a cool gadget and I’d love for someone else have use of it.

It is time to quit rambling and get the day going.  Much to do today!

Day 123

Day 123

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

I didn’t know it was possible to get any more frustrated, but I was wrong.  I have no idea what’s wrong with my computer, but clearly something is.  TGF checked it a bit .. she has some technical knowledge.  But she was not able to get the email to upload; and it persists in saying my bank account is not available.  I can call the bank; but I can’t do anything about the email and it’s driving me crazy.  I don’t know most of the email addresses I normally use (and if anyone who reads this has emailed me and didn’t get an answer .. try  olgramy@gmail.com  … or call!). 

I did get almost all of the areas in the laundry room cleared out.  I still need to pack my good Christmas china, but it’s out of the cabinet.  And I need to repack the cleaning supplies again.  It goes against my nature to throw out perfectly good stuff;  but there’s only so much room in an apartment, and no one wants hand-me-down left over cleaning supplies.

Because I have so many areas that I haven’t quite completed  It’s hard trying to figure out what to pack and what to wait on, now that it’s getting so close.  And I still have mountains of paperwork that I don’t know what to do with.  I’m afraid to risk throwing out something important; but it looks like I’m going to have to just do the best I can and start throwing that stuff away too.  No one has time to go through it with me, and I just can’t move it all.

The weather forecast for the weekend gets more and more “threatening”, and does not bode well for a yardsale. Anyway, TGF’s “plan” to take a carload daily bombed already .. nothing taken Monday or Tuesday.  The trunk is still full of school supplies.  They’re refinishing the school floors, and she keeps getting told to “wait until next week” to take her things in.  So a lot of books and other supplies keep riding around in the trunk, and the bookcases and other things still in the house (although they are not really in the way).

TGF needed to go by a business to pick up some paperwork needed.  So she decided to just drive to town to get it and take me by to sign the lease.  It would have been a good plan, except that I don’t seem to be in the information loop.  Turns out all the paperwork has to be done over because of a misspelled name.  And, apparently, some confusion over the funds involved.  I understand the confusion; I don’t understand why no one thought I needed to know what was going on.  The man explained it to me, and I understood completely .. and I know exactly what is needed .  Some of the information I had been given was mistaken .. but since this specific situation is “new” to all of us, I’m not overly concerned about that (true, people shouldn’t make assumptions .. but I do it too, it’s just the way it is).  The end result is that I have to come up with more money in one area, but less in another.  I have no problem with that, and can cover it.  I just wish I’d been told.  Oh well, I got out of the house for a day, and got a chance to stop by the grocery store as well.

Eventually someone will bother to get in touch and get it all straightened.  The part that I’m worried about now is that I still have to get to town again to sign the lease once it’s corrected.  And I will only have one chance next week which isn’t a very good option .. to have to make a “detour” before or after my eye appointment, if all is ready by then.  Other than that day I won’t have a way to get there because school starts and I lose my driver. 

I know everything wil work out eventually; but it feels like it’s not going to happen without me feeling like I’m a huge amount of trouble for everyone.  There is so much that needs to be done that I have no way of doing (same stuff: bank, PO, lease) …  I’m still waiting to hear something from the landlord here about someone wanting to take over this house as soon as I’m out.  It would be a great solution to a lot of problems; but we’re all in limbo.  I don’t know what size storage unit I’ll need (or when I’ll need it), and I still haven’t reserved a trailer.  Oh drat.  Since I can’t access my email, I also can’t access the links I had for storage units, trailer rentals, even the apartments.

I only have to make it through 25 more days .. and I just don’t know how it’s all going to happen.

I know TGF won’t be here today unless late in the afternoon she comes to get some yardsale stuff.  The weather for the weekend is looking to be stormy, not good.  And I don’t know where everything is going to go in her house until Saturday either.

I slept better last night .. was tired enough that even the LOUD tree frog didn’t bother me too much (especially after I sprayed Fabreeze – the only thing I could find to grab – in the area he seemed to be).  But that means I woke a little after 5:00; and though I tried, once my mind wakes up I just can’t get back to sleep, and don’t do well just sitting there.  I have to get up and move around.  And since I can’t check email, the “routine” is considerably shortened!

I guess I’llgo on and shower, and then see how many things on my list I can knock out today.

Day 122

Day 122

Monday, July 28, 2014

It’s somewhere a little after 3:30 in the morning.  I hate being awake in the middle of the night!  I don’t know what woke me.  But there’s a tree frog or cricket or something either in the den or the window.  I thought it was a squeaking fan at first.  Then I followed the sound, except of course it stops as soon as I get close to the room.  Even with the light on, it starts up again after a few minutes.  It’s loud and annoying and keeping me awake.  And I have no clue what to do about it.  (apparently it’s not a noise that’s attracking Maggie’s hunter instincts).

I did manage to get a lot done.  I didn’t check very many things off the list .. several areas are worked on but not completed yet.  And I took “time out” to do some straightening .. a few areas were getting so cluttered again it was hard to tell what I still needed to do.  It’s also so very annoying that there is so much that needs to be out of the house so I can tell what I still have to work on.    The table is piled up again .. I keep finding tools!! 

I added more to the yardsale pile; and took time to start another box to keep it contained.  TGF had said she’d come over and take another car load.  That didn’t happen.  In the evening I finally got an email, telling me that she had *meant* to come; but she didn’t get up until 11:30.  Really??  She’s all about how much she wants to help me but sleeps half the day??  Then she decided to start cleaning house before she left, and then a friend came over.  And then she got a call and had to start hunting for some papers she needs.  Well, there goes the day.  And the irony is, she sent an email all about how worried she is about me and wants to “take care” of me and make sure I’m OK and get moved and all; and also that she’s starting to panic because there’s so little time left.  Let’s see now.  She decided the yardsale will be this Saturday.  I wasn’t consulted, but since she’s “in charge” of it, it doesn’t really matter (except she needs to check the weather report!).  And other than prepping for the yardsale and getting that done, the only other things from her involve help by taking me somewhere I need to be.  And I have to pay for gas (NOT to pay her to take me, but because she never has any money for gas).  She’s done very little in the way of actually helping me go through any area here .. drawers, cabinets, closets, nothing.  And certainly hasn’t helped me pack a single box.  So why is she the one worried about getting it done?  I have at times mentioned specific things I need help with (involving paperwork I can’t read or something on the computer I need help with) …. But she so far hasn’t had any time to deal with that.  I guess I’m supposed to just pack upall the boxes and take them with me .. just stick in the middle of the floor in my room to trip over …  and hope I never actually need any important papers.

I know I’m grumpier in the middle of the night.  I’d rather be asleep.  And I can’t even access the internet.  I can’t tell if soemthing’s wrong with my computer or if the sites just aren’t working right now.  It’s not internet, I’m connected.  I can open MSN.  But when I click on my email,  I get what appears (to my limited vision at least) an incomplete page.  I can tell where the folders are supposed to be, but nothing is a clickable link; and the center is just blank. Nothing opens, nothing works.  It’s scary. It looks like I can post to the blog … that doesn’t seem a very efficient way to communicate!!  I really hate changing email addresses, but I guess I’m going to have to.  I’ve had trouble off and on with Hotmail (which changed to outlook).  I can access Google (gmail).  But since my vision is so limited, a lot of the time I go by the way I’ve memorized where things are rather than actually reading them.  With Google I have no folders, so everything is jumbled all together.  That is extremely frustrating.

I think the outlook page might be trying to load, but I can’t really tell.  I think I’ll just leave it open and see what happens later.  I’m going to turn the TV on and see if it will put me back to sleep for a few more hours.

It’s now nearly 8:00.  I did finally get another hour of sleep.  Not nearly enough, but the day must go on.  I had turned the computer off, and tried again.  Now I’m worried.  I cannot open my bank account (“this page unavailable”).  And my Hotmail (outlook) page is doing the same as before, it appears to be loading but doesn’t complete.  I tried going to Google, but that’s impossible right now.  I do not know how to navigate it; and I can’t enlaorge enough to read it.  When enlarged, the page will not scroll from side to side.  I need to just learn where different functions are.   And even when I do that … I don’t have access to my address list.  This is really infuriating and frustrating.  I know my computer is a few years old; but I’ve never had any serious problems.  And I have absolutely no way of knowing if this is a computer problem .. but it seems to be since I do have internet, and could open Google with no trouble.  I’m very close to just giving up altogether .. and being completely shut off from contact with anyone any more. 

Having to try to deal with this after a bad night just makes everything worse.  TGF said she will come today, get trash out (stinky trash in the house didn’t help things any last night/this morning).   I have no way of knowing when. 

I guess I might as well go on and get a shower and be ready for today anyway.  

Day 212

Day 121

Sunday, July 27, 2014

This was one of my busier days, and actually fairly productive. I still have a much too long “to do” list; and as fast as I chip away at it, I think of more things that need to be done … so the list gets longer instead of shorter.  I think having a list, and boxes, and a very clear time line helps some.  There are a lot of things on my list that need to be done that require other people, and that’s where it gets frustrating … I have to wait for their timing. 

I did finally “suck it up” and tackle the areas I dreaded most, the cabinets in the laundry room.  I have emptied 2 (of 3) wall cabinets and a closet; plus the back hall closet (all but coats and mops).  I’m starting to get to a point of hesitating to pack things I use regularly this far ahead.

I’m also a little apprehensive about what I pack.  I’m giving up a HUGE amount of things (and I wouldn’t have hung on to most of them to start with if they weren’t things that mattered to me).  I’m afraid that some, if not a lot, of what I do pack will be things I get *told* I can’t have because there’s no room; or worse, because  they aren’t important enough to take up space.  And I’m also getting *told* where things must be kept, and apparently I am not allowed any say in that.  I’ve always changed things around multiple times until I find what works best .. it will be hard to not be allowed to do that;  but of course, I have to “compromise”.

OK, enough.  I’ve done a good job of looking forward to the things that will be good, and I have to keep doing that.  I WILL manage.  And this will be a good thing.

I slept better, so I guess whatever was bothering me has eased.  I think some of that is just starting to get better organized.  The yardsale stuff has now been contained.  I have to finish packing up some items put aside to go into storage; and since I have big boxes, I will consolidate some of what’s already packed.  But in general it’s a little better and so less stressful.   The yardsale stuff has begun to move out.  The pieces going to TGF’s classroom will probably go this week.  The next big hurdle is getting the books out.  Last night I had the bright idea that I could box up the books.  BAD idea!!  I got about a third of them in a big box, and it was so heavy I could barely push it out of the way!   I will ask TGF to try to find some more of the smaller boxes.

Maggie has begun sleeping with me more and more.  She clearly does NOT miss Butter!  I miss the way he would cuddle .. she’s much more aloof.  But she’s clearly happier. 

I woke up too early, but at least I don’t feel so groggy.  I do need to get my brain unscrambled and have a plan for the day.  Since I don’t know what time anything will happen (though I feel safe in guessing not early), I won’t wait to late to get showered and dressed.  

Day 120

Day 120

Saturday, July 26, 2014

I did not get as much done as I had hoped, but I am still chipping away at bits and pieces.  I did combine some thngs into the larger boxes.  They’re awfully heavy .. but I don’t see any way to pack such big boxes without their getting heavy.  I would presume they would be meant to be moved with hand trucks.  (and even if I ever get my little one back, it might not be strong enough). It’s also betting to be more and more of an issue what to do with the boxes.  It seems here in my computer/sewing room is a good place as the majority of things are packed, especially the sewing area.  In the computer area, I have one more drawer of paper stuff I need to sort; but after that, it’s primarily down to things to not pack until way closer to moving day.

I got up a little early, and rested a lot anyway; even took a brief afternoon nap with Maggie.  I could not stay awake for evening TV as usual.  Last night I woke during the night, and seemed like I had a hard time getting back to sleep .. sort of restless.  I vaguely feel like I was dreaming a lot, though only fragments remain in my head.  It’s like people I’ve known in the past (anywhere from 5 to 50 years past) keep “visiting” me  I woke a little after 5:00, again after 6:00; but didn’t actually get up until 7:00, which *feels* late!  It’s a gray morning so far, and supposed to be extremely hot today.  I’m having a hard time getting the day started. 

Yesterday seemed odd, the first day in a week that I didn’t see a single person; and only talked to DN (and only because her computer is temporarily out of commission).  I’m used to it, and don’t mind up to a point.  But it just seemed strange after such a busy week.

TGF went with a friend to DC to pick up a son who had been visiting his dad.  DSS went to GA to visit his older son while taking the younger one home.  I have no idea if everyone got where they were supposed to be, as it never occurs to anyone to communicate with me.  I guess I’d hear if something went wrong.

I didn’t manage to cross anything off my list yesterday.  A few things are very close (for example, I can’t check off getting things off this room’s walls until I take down a bulletin board and peel off  a word sticker .. and won’t get the sticker until last minute, it will go on the wall in my bedroom).  Oh, and I won’t take the clock down until the last minute either.

I had the idea that I could tape together 3 or 4 boxes, and then start tackling the back area.  There’s 2 cabinets and a big closet that have not been dealt with at all.  One cabinet has my Christmas china which has to go into storage because DN has some.  As usual, anything she already has, I’m told “we” don’t need to not to bring to the apartment.  Very depressing that I don’t feel like it’s OK for me to say “I’d rather use mine than yours”, but that’s just the way it is.   I suppose the compromise is that while it makes me sad, it does not (for the most part) make me angry; so it’s just not worth being an issue.  Except the issue now has become that I don’t know if I’ll need a storage unit right away or not, and not sure how much time I will have to decide.  (if the house deal works out, I can wait until Sept. and get a small unit .. I can move the things that I already know will be in storage “long term”, and gradually move other things from upstairs as I go through them).  I can’t actually afford a really big unit; and apparently I’m expected to just get a small unit and throw away things without ever taking the time to actually go through them and at least pick out special items.

Well, no use getting off on that tangent.  At least I don’t have to deal with it today.

At one time (late last week, maybe even Friday but I don’t remember for sure) TGF mentioned her BFF coming over with her today (Sunday) and helping pack.  I’ve not heard another word about it, and as I said above, no idea when TGF got in yesterday.  So nothing much I can do but work on what I can, and wait and see.  There’s a lot more yardsale stuff that needs to be boxed.  I’ve sort of put off bothering (only partly because up until Thursday I didn’t have boxes anyway) but also because they need to be priced if we’re going to have another yardsale.  I strongly suspect TGF has gotten doing this in her yard into her mind and doesn’t want to bother with calling a dealer.  That doesn’t make sense to me either … it would be a lot more work on her to have to take carloads of stuff to her house every day … and where in the world would it be until the weekend?  Her house is already pretty much full; and it can’t sit outside because not only is there a chance of storms early in the week, but in her neighborhood I’d be afraid of things being “taken”.  She says it’s safe.  I still think it’s only a block from “downtown”.

Anyway, it seems I have no say in the matter, and I’m the one who needs to try to raise cash.  So I’ll just go along with whatever.  Meantime, until I hear otherwise (if she shows up today), I’ll try to be more productive today.   

For now, it’s already 8:00.  I need to do eye drops, get a shower, feed the cats, put yesterday’s laundry away (catching up various table covers, used sheets, etc as well as daily laundry).  My “to do” list keeps getting longer as I think of things that must be done … I need to try to cross off at least 3 or 4 items today! 

Day 119

Day 119

Friday, July 25, 2014

I am looking forward to the new adventure of sharing an apartment with my niece.  But I have to admit, by last night I was glad to be alone for awhile .. seems like the last 2 days were a constant round of people in and out, and at least some of the time at random times.  It’s not that I wasn’t perfectly happy to see any of the people who came by … it’s just that there were so many; and that’s so unusual!

Actually, most of the day it was just DN and I and pretty much quiet.  I got some things packed; unfortunately, I still didn’t cross many things off my list, even though everything I did needed to be done.  I just keep finding things I never thought to list. L

I don’t think DN felt very good, and was sleepy; but it was all right because she did help me sort several things I needed to purge a bit more.  We decided not to send the rugs with her after all, since she hasn’t decided yet what she wants. I guess I have to just wait and see if what I want will fit in after she makes her decision.  So, just something I have to learn to live with. In some ways I feel like my whole life has had to revolve around someone else’s wishes, and mine always take 2^nd  (or 3^rd or 4^th) place.  But at least I will have a room of my own and can do what I want with as much as I can cram into it!

Late in the afternoon DN’s friend J (FJ) came to get her.  I made hamburgers for supper (yes, I did say that *I* did it .. and they turned out good!!).  TGF managed to get by to drop of DGS15 for a last quick visit before DN had to head back home.  I also got to meet BGS16’s girlfriend (BGSGF??), who is a very nice young lady.  TGF and a bunch of kids left to go to VGS.  A little later, after DN had headed home and TGF was gone, DSS got here to pick up DGS.  There had been some fishing gear out in the barn that they collected to take to DGS21, whom they will visit tonight when they take DGS15 back home (nearly time for school to start for him). 

As I said, once everyone left, and it was quiet, it was nice.  Even Maggie thought so, as she came and napped in my lap .. while I fell asleep and saw almost nothing of TV shows!

I woke early, naturally.  I’m not sure I’m completely awake yet, but will get a shower soon; and another cup of coffee.  I really hope for a good burst of energy to get a lot done.  Now that I have boes, I want to completely finish packing up some areas that are *mostly* done.  I’m not going to mess with the yardsale stuff yet.  TGF informed me that she has decided that we’ll do the last yardsale next weekend, will do it at her house (which is not a bad location, but I’m concerned it’s not quite as good as one where a lot of people go).  The concept is that she can be taking car loads of stuff to her house all week to get ready.  My hope is that one of the dealers she contacts this weekend will buy it all and we won’t have to bother!!  I have an uneasy feeling she doesn’t think that will work, which I find discouraging.  One dealer actually advertises he will sell yardsale stuff .. but the unknown is whether he will buy it outright,  or just sell on commission.  And will he pick it up!  TGF is out of town today with a friend, so I’m not sure if the dealers will actually even get approached.  And since one of them she was going to ask when he set up (maybe she’ll remember to do that before they leave today), and the other no one will give me the information so I can call … so as always, I’m a little “trapped”.  I do know she means well up to a point.  She wants to “help” me.  It’s just that any help has to be on her terms and fit in around her schedule. 

I move in only 29 more days.

I need to go on and get this day started one way or another! 

Day 118

Day 118

Thursday, July 24, 2014

This day started out quiet, went through a remarkably busy spell, and ended with just a trace of a sour note.  Some things I just have to learn to live with; but I already knew that.

I was, as usual, first up.  I was here, trying to be quiet, until everyone else began stirring.  DIL and I had a little time for a quiet chat about her visit with her family.  Gradually DN and the grands woke and joined us (technically DN was already up, but watching TV in the den I think).  At some point I took time to run get a quick shower and dress.  While we were sitting around visiting, SIL came by.  Her truck is having some sort of issue, and she’s been avoiding driving it.  But, she’s only 3 miles down the road, and was going “stir-crazy” she said.  So we all visited awhile.  It was looking very dark and threatening outside again by late morning, so she decided to head back home.  DGS13 put 2 bookcases I had promised her into her truck, and then rode home with her to help get them out.

DIL and the grands got their things together and were on their way home by around noon.  DN and I had a list of things to do; by the end of the day, I think we had done all but one … and I told her not to worry about that one, TGF will help me later.  I didn’t get any actual boxes packed, but still a lot was accomplished in sorting,  and making menus plans, chore charts, etc.

DN got our TV, internet and phone bundle all lined up. 

My Mary Kay lady (also a lovely friend) came by to bring me some of the moisturizer I love.  I was telling her about the move (like several other people, she’s excited I will live closer to her and she will visit!!) .. one thing led to another … and she’s going to buy my desk!   So, one “big” item done.  Plus, she’s going to wait until close to moving date to get it, so I don’t have to set up a card table in here.  Also, she mentioned checking with her church to see if the youth group would be interested in helping with the move as a service project.

Later in the afternoon TGF called.  Her friend wanted to know if I’d ride with them to the landlord’s business to talk about the house.  TGF ended up not being able to go because she had an appointment with her new employer; but the friend, his girlfriend, and one of his kids came and picked me up.  When we got there, the landlord wasn’t there .. they never know, he sort of comes and goes as he pleases and has no “schedule”.  But I was prepared, and had written out a letter which I left for him.  The agreement would benefit everyone .. all 3 parties involved … IF the landlard agrees to it.

Still later, right at the “edge” of dark, the guy came by again (called first) because one of his older kids wanted to see the house.  She was impressed.  I talked to him more about a “deal”.  So if he does get the house .. I will give him the 2 small sofas, and he will have use of my items until I need them (which will be more than a year away at the least), and I can leave my things in the attic and take my time sorting.  Added bonus, they get to have a lot of the decorations!  And for anyone wondering .. I  will have it all spelled out in writing and try to get the signatures notarized. 

I also had to give in and ask for more gas … but they can deliver only 100 gallons (it’s a 250 gal tank), so the price will be within what is still on deposit with them.  That’s disappointing, because that much less refund I’ll get; but the tank is down to the red zone.  Even if I avoid cooking, I absolutely MUST have hot water!!

Late in the evening DN got very angry with me.  Unfortunately, a specific situation that I see as *optional*, she sees as purely *black-and-white*, and was furious with me for disagreeing with her.  She got over it, at least in part because I refused to allow her to stay mad or to be mad myself.  I gave her space to cool off first (and she later told me she didn’t know why she got so mad).  It’s OK.  I see it as my fault.  I know how she sees things, and I need to just let her have her point of view and (in my own mind at least) agree to disagree. It’s just another compromise I will have to make.  But I still see the benefits as FAR outweighing the downfalls.

We had lots of storms through the afternoon and evening.  Nothing here was “severe”, but it was rumbly most of the afternoon and evening; and we had several bouts of very heavy rainfall. It seems to make me a little uneasy; and I honestly didn’t do as much as I could have.  As I said, though, gradually things are getting accomplished.

Oh, and one more big hurdle.  I got a 2^nd email from the rental company about that e-signing.  The wording on it came across as threatening.  So I replied, again, but to the email in the signature.  Later the man called me, and we got it all straightened out.  I do have a lease to sign (I guess all I previously signed was the application); but he definitely stated I can do that any time before we move in.  I will find a way to get there one day and get that done .. maybe even one day next week if TGF can find time. 

The morning is on the verge of getting away from me again.  The majority of what I need to get done is in the back end of the house, and DN is still sleeping.  I need to go on and shower, and work on what I can for now.  Now that I have boxes .. in a variety of sizes .. I can pack up a lot of random things, especially in this room.  Perhaps I can get the excess yardsale stuff boxed up.  I’ve been avoiding that so it can be priced .. but … we are now looking into the possibility of a sale of the whole lot of it to a dealer.  I think there are a few things waiting to be packed for keep or storage, I can tackle those. And I can go on and pack up the books that are put aside to keep. 

I don’t like trying to do things when someone is still sleeping.  But I can’t afford to waste what little energy I have this morning! 

Note:  This morning DN apologized for yelling at me.  We agreed that when there is a disagreement - over anything - we will agree to disagree and LET IT DROP.  This is why I believe we will make this work.  There will be rough times .. but they will blow over and we will go forward!

Day 117

Day 117

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

This was a bit of an odd day.  It was not as productive as I would have hoped; but then again, a lot of things got done that I did need help with … and there was really little else I could do until getting boxes.

I woke up long before DN and DGS, of course.  However, once they got up, I still didn’t really get moving.  It felt like days of rushing caught up, I just felt tired all day.  My joints were achy, although taking some Aleve did help that.  I think the cumulative effect of all the dust is bothering me; but I’ll just have to push myself to deal with that and keep gong.

Anyway,  as I had been cleaning out various drawers and shelves and cabinets I had been putting random small objects into small plastic boxes.  So we sat down and went through all but one of those (keeping one to continue to use for now).  A great deal of random junk was condensed to manageable  sizes .. and they each were able to find a few things to keep as well. 

By mid afternoon DN and DGS were getting bored, so they decided to walk to a nearby country store.  They were almost back again when TGF got here with groceries.  She stayed long enough to put the groceries up, took a few of the things put aside for her, and took DGS on back home. 

DN and I didn’t do very much more.  She fixed supper (steamed veggies and a deli roast chicken) and made a blueberry cobbler in the crockpot.  I found a minor spurt of ambition and cleaned out one more small cabinet (and discovered a lot more “fancy” glass I have to deal with).

The rest of the evening we just watched TV and waited.  DS got here later than I thought he would (didn’t ask if he worked later than he wanted or if he took time to go back home and deal with the dogs before coming).  He did bring me a LOT of big boxes!!  Around 10:00 he left to go to the airport.  Oh, I almost forgot, just before he left, TGF got here with a friend of hers (from the kid’s football group I think) who is looking a place to rent.  It might be a good thing for me if he wants to rent this house; but he works in “the big city” so it might be too far.  I’ll just have to wait and see what he decides.

After DS left for the airport, DN and I settled in to go to sleep.  I didn’t sleep well, even though the chair (not my regular one) was very comfy.  I fell asleep during evening shows, as always.  But I was awake before DS and family got back in.  I didn’t get up, decided they were probably tired and I’d let them just get settled in to sleep.  After it was all quiet, I got up to go to the bathroom .. it was only a little after 2:00 … and turned off the lights.  It took awhile to get back to sleep; and then I heard DS when he got up to leave to go to work.  I didn’t go on and get up until nearly 7:30 .. extremely late for me.  But then, with DIL and the kids tired, I don’t know how long they’ll sleep, so I’m not worrying about getting anything done this morning.

I’ve been stressing a lot over the cost of everything.  I guess partly because I dread the whole idea of doing the yardsale again.  I feel like it would be more successful .. but … not everything would get sold, and I’d still have an awful lot to deal with!  So, TGF is going to check with someone (and DN swa a poster  at the store they went to advertising someone in the other close town) .. see if one of the “professional yardsalers” will just give me a set price for ALL of it! (except the dollhouse). 

I also listed a lot of things (again) on FB.  Someone wrote interested in the cheap window units.  She asked a bunch of questions, then wanted me to plug them in (I didn’t bother to point out .. as she could have seen if she’d looked at the pictures she requested .. that they’re actually still installed!).  Then she couldn’t come until her mama got off work .. and it was after 7:00 before she emailed again.  But then I told her I had family coming and would rather she wait until Friday (which, it turned out, suited her better).  But meantime .. I NEED to sell the expensive stuff.  Why am I the only one on plante earth STOOOOPID enough to buy a giant entertainment center (even if it was the ONLY thing I could find at the time when the old one was collapsing) and a wonderful big desk system and even a **gasp** chest freezer.  And I can’t believe how many people keep telling me where to donate things!!!  Well, is the rental place going to DONATE a trailer??  Is the cleaning lady going to DONATE her time??  Is the funeral home going to DONATE the balance due on services??  Are the utility companies going to DONATE the first month’s service where I have overlapping bills??? 

And on top of that, I tried checking out storage units, and got extremely depressed at how expensive that will be.  Yes, I know, the obvious solution is to not store anything.  Just GIVE AWAY the antique dresser that’s been in the family for years but no one wants anyway.  GIVE away the kitchen table and chair I love even if it means that someday when DN moves out I’ll have none and no way to buy one.  GIVE away (or throw away) ALL of my decorations, Christmas and otherwise, because obviously I will never ever again be able to live in a place I can decorate and I have to go upstairs even if it’s 200 degrees and throw it all away without even sorting because I can’t store it anyway.

I really thought just storing some things and taking time to cull out stuff was a reasonable idea.  Apparently I was wrong.   I know the time will come when the decorating (of any sort) will no longer matter because my vision will continue to deteriorate.  But I’m not there yet, and very depressed at being treated like I am.

Well, the morning is wearing on and there are things I can do without (I hope) waking upp anyone.  So I will take a quick shower, get dressed, and see what I can get done.

Day 116

Day 116

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

This day started out frustrating and ended up busy.  As I often do, I woke early (5ish), so it was a really long day.  TGF had said she would come “in the morning”.  By mid morning I emailed to ask when they were coming.  My reply was that something had come up she had to take care of,.  She said she thought she’d be done around noon.  Well, I found a few little things I could do; but all surfaces are covered with things either waiting to be sent to another location, or waiting to be packed.  I am completely out of boxes, and just can’t sort anything else with no place to put things.  The clutter is really annoying me; not to mention how much it complicates things for me, making it harder to find anything.

I heard from DN that she would be here around 3:00, so I emailed TGF about the time frame.  She never read that email, got here about 2:30.  (noon??)  But she had DGS15 and a friend of his with her, and the boys immediately loaded all the piled up trash in the car.  DN got here not long after that, and there was a spell of confusion with the adults all trying to talk, a couple of teens running in and out, and DSis’s adorable grandson insisting on being outside (a very independent 3 year old).

DS went on home (with an armful of things I had previously forgotten to give her … more stuff out the door!), and TGF got the trash to the dump.  Then we (myself, TGF, DN, and the 2 boys) went to Wal-Mart.  I had a small list of items either to replenish personal supplies or for the apartment (a few little things .. new pot holders, some new wash cloths, a new sink strainer).  Before getting groceries, we went to Subway.   That was a little brutal, but the only sensible thing to do at the time.

By the time we started trying to get groceries, the natives were getting restless! LOL!  And I was wearing out.  I really have to work on building more stamina .. I DO intend to be able to do a lot of walking!  Anyway, we settled for just getting enough to keep the hungry kids fed and us all to have something this morning.  I will email TGF the rest of my list, and she will get what I need and bring it.  Hmmm … sort of like the home delivery part! J

Once all the groceries were unloaded, TGF went on to VBS.  When it was over she came back to pick up DGS’s friend (he couldn’t stay overnight).  And, after that, we mostly settled in. 

DN went through several things for me.  I had one tote full of random “officy” things, but wasn’t sure what.  It turned out much of it was things we (or she) can use, some was trash, and a few things were put aside to share with other people.  She also spent some time going through some old notebooks to see what we can adapt for our use.  Like me, she thrives on lists and charts and such.

I had gotten an email from the rental people asking me to electronically sign a “Lease Agreement”.  I waited for DS as I wasn’t sure I would do it right.  Well, turns out it wasn’t the actual Lease; it was a request for permission to use my e-sig.  Uhhhh… no.  I will reply to them that I will come to the office in person for anything that needs to be signed.  (In only 32 more days I will be living there!)  And as of this morning the deposit check has finally cleared!

It’s frustrating and scary how much is left to get done.  I keep being told “don’t worry, we’ll get it done” .. but the ones saying “we” are rarely here to actually help.  I will get boxes tonight (hope they’re not too wet to use, but that’s unavoidable).  I have help for the next 3 days .. and we already have a list of things that need to be tackled.

I’d really rather avoid the bother of yet another yardsale .. but I just can’t find any other way to help raise the expenses needed for moving.  I ut a number of items on the online yardsale site again.  The only reply I’ve had so far is someone interested in 2 small window unit a/cs.  I got at least 3 emails asking questions (how big, do they work, are they in good condition) and a person wants to come look.  They’re still in windows!!  And I only asked $25 each .. good grief, what does she expect???  I desperately wish I could sell the entertainment center, the desk system, and the freezer.  If I could sell those, I could skip the yardsale all together. The trouble, of course, is that things are posted so fast that it’s hard to make sure mine is even seen.

OK, I’ve been up 2 hours now.  DN and DGS are still sleeping.  I need to go on and shower and find things to get busy doing! 

Day 115

Day 115

Monday, July 21, 2014

This turned into an odd sort of day, a little unsettling.  For starters, I kept expecting TGF all day.  I had been told she was going to talk to someone at her new job briefly; and then was taking one of the boys to the Laundromat to do the laundry while she came out here.  That of course told me from the start that her time was much too limited to spend very much out here … but I’ll take whatever I can get now. 

I did my best to keep on working through areas on my list.  I’m sure there’s a lot I’ve missed, but the bulk of what needs to be done seems to be in the back end of the house, where there’s no a/c.  Even though I keep it (front part of the house) set fairly high (78), it’s still uncomfortable at the back.  But I did work in the kitchen a lot, and in the back hall/laundry room/bathroom area.  Sadly, a lot of what I got done wasn’t even on my list … I simply had no choice but get some basic cleaning done before I could do much else.

In the process, I realized why cleaning back there is making me feel punk.  In addition to the heat, and breathing so much dust … I was also breathing in litter dust and mouse droppings.  Yuck and double yuck.  I know they are a fact of life in this old house, but I will NOT miss them when I move!!!

Around mid morning DGS15 called and asked if he and a friend could come today (Tuesday) to spend the night and mow the grass.  He said TGF was getting laundry together.  Later … into early afternoon, so laundry done … she called and said she’d be along soon but was waiting out a bit of a storm.

Later still, she called and asked if I was all right.  And why wouldn’t I be??  Well, turned out they’d had a short but fairly severe storm.  It never got here.  The most I got was rain, and faint distance thunder.  I’m thankful I at least got rain (even though the “lawn” is getting scary .. and now will be too wet for DGS to mow it, though I doubt that will stop him from trying). 

And later again, she called.  When she had finally gone out ready to head over, she found that the storm had knocked down a tree limb onto the windshield.  Excuse me for a moment of panic.  OK, it’s not “smashed”, just cracked.  They will, of course, replace it; and it’s still driveable.  I’m withholding judgement until I see it on how bad it is (or if I can tell).  But she was pretty rattled, so we decided she will come this morning instead.

In the meantime, DN had called to ask if it was OK if she came today instead of tomorrow since DSis is leaving town.  Of course it’s OK.  But I did tell TGF I have to get to the grocery store this morning .. I don’t have anything to feed all these extra guests.  I can’t go on and get my main grocery shopping done .. payday isn’t until tomorrow.  But I have to get some things for today (and I’m on my last cup of coffee because I ran out of creamer …I’ll manage for today, but those kids do NOT want to be around me in the morning if I can’t have at least one cup! LOL!  I do occasionally drink it black, but not first thing in the morning … and not very often.

Along with all of that going on, I also got an email from the rental agency with a link to a Lease Agreement.  I believe it is requesting an electronic signature.  When DSis brings DN over today she will look at it for me, and make sure I do whatever is needed in the correct place.  The mere fact that I’ve received that gives me a huge sigh of relief to have something concrete.  No matter how many times everyone says all is fine, this feels more “official”.  I am surprised that it can be done electronically instead of having to take a trip all the way in to the rental office!

At the moment I have one unused box.  I’m running out of spaces to put things … if I can’t pack them up for taking or storing, there’s no point in digging things out of cabinets just to make more piles everywhere.  Even the yardsale stuff is getting out of hand.  I’m pleased with myself about the vast volume of stuff I’ve been able to let go of … and I know that the more items there are the better the chances of a successful yardsale.  I just hope it’s going to be worth all this. If I didn’t need to make some money off it, I’d donate it all and be done.  There are a few things I really don’t want to just  give away … but I’m close to not even caring about that.  I keep telling myself if I could just sell some “main” pieces of good furniture (primarily the entertainment center and my desk system, and also the freezer) that would cover the “gap” and I’d let the rest go; or at least let most of it go and put the rest back on the online yardsale sites cheap.  I’m just really tired of stressing over it.  Moving is stressful enough without that worry.

I don’t know how today will go.  I think there’s still chances of storms .. maybe not as much as yesterday.  TGF said she’d come “in the morning”.  I have no idea when that means, but I’ll get showered and dressed earlier just in case.  First of all, I’ve amassed a huge pile of bags of trash (which also represents a lot of *stuff* going out of the house!).  It needs to go.  Because of time, and weather, I expect getting the books to the library will end up waiting.  And waiting.  It will probably be next week before TGF gets the bookcases and other bits I’m giving her for her classroom … but they have already been cleared so really aren’t part of the problem.  But for today, hopefully after the trash we’ll get to the store and back long before DS brings DN over here.

It looks like I’ll have 2, possibly 3, helpers tonight and tomorrow .. and no boxes so I can take advantage of them!!  Well, I will find something.  I actually have several things I’ve already talked with DN about wanting to get done.  There is no way I’m entrusting DGS to sort paperwork (he’s only 15 and a bit of a hothead, with no comprehension of what might be important).  He’s wanting to drag stuff out of the barn; but with no where in particular to put it, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.  I suspect the majority of what’s left out there I would have no problem with just walking away from!

Maybe if TGF helps sort the stuff piled on the table … and takes the things I’ve put there for her and/or DSS … there will be room to start over sorting.  The only kitchen cabinets left to go through are the pantry, and whatever is stored in the bottom part of my glass front cabinet.  A lot of it is baking stuff, that’s probably old (and more trash!).  I don’t know what else, so definitely an area to be dealt with.  The boys might not know what to do with it, but they can at least drag it all out.  Oh yeah, and one more small lower cabinet, they can empty that too.  I’ll have to think up more things for them to work on.  I’d really love for them to clean the porch.  Again.  I don’t know if they will though … seems no matter how many times I ask (and how many times I go clean that one area myself), it’s always a mess.  I don’t understand why.  Yes, the more I thnk about it, they can get that area at least a lot neater.

It’s had to tell if there’s real “daylight” or not .. after 6:00, but very dim out.  Looks like another cloudy dreary day, but hopefully better by the afternoon.  I need to go on and get ready for today.  

Day 114

Day 114

Sunday, July 20, 2014

It was another busy and faintly lonely day.  I thought I had gotten better about that .. but it’s harder when I’m tired.  As much as I do like my independence .. and often my solitude … I will also be glad to be where I at least have choices.  I suppose I *could* call someone and say “I’m lonely, come over” .. but then I come across wimpy and whiny.  I really need to get away from that.   I will get a better handle on my own limitations when I can go out and seek people, even walk to the library or a shop for a coffee.   I won’t be stranded at home where I become an inconvenience.

I believe part of my issue is that as I get into sorting and cleaning more areas, I’m intruding into places that haven’t been touched (because there was no reason) for a long time.  Maybe even years.  And that means a lot of ..**gasp** .. Dust!!  I’m allergic to dust.  I know, it’s a very common allergin.  That doesn’t make me any less uncomfortable!  I get coughing to the point of choking, sniffling, sneezy, itchy watery eyes (something I for sue don’t need!), and sometimes headachy.  All of these tend to slow me down. Well, and the fact that I’m quickly running out of boxes. I’m down to I think 5, and they’re all smallish. The up side of smaller boxes is that they don’t get overly heavy.  The downside is that it just takes so many more of them (and that is one reason why my pile of packed boxes looks overwhelming … the packing material takes up a lot of space!).  Also, I’m coming across more and more items that just won’t fit!

I made a list of things to do (did I say this yesterday?  I think so), but today I edited the list.  I decided that if I add in non-packing or cleaning things, and all the days, perhaps the list will become less intimidating because I can cross off more than one thing on some of those days.  Yes, I know, I could cross them off anyway.  I never claimed to make sense.  But this is what works for me.

What I didn’t put on the list but frequently eats into my time is straightening up areas.  Yesterday the den was driving me crazy (yes, I know, short trip).  I cringed to walk through it .. and a few nights from now I will need to sleep in there.  Unacceptable!  So I had to take the time and energy to get it as neat as possible again. 

It’s also a little discouraging to look around .. nearly every room ..and see so very much still to deal with.  A lot of what I’ve accomplished so far doesn’t show .. empty cabinets and drawers, etc.

I had a long conversation with TGF late in the afternoon/early evening.  She had a lot to tell me about that had nothing to do with packing (her trip, and some issues dealing with her boys).  I, on the other hand, had little to say except whine about what I need. 

Anyway, TGF said she’d come today, and will try to look for boxes.  Even without them, there are a lot of things I’ll need hel with.  She’s already telling me how busy this week will be, so clearly all the books will not get to the library yet.  But, if we can find time while DGS15 is here (he goes home Saturday), he would be a big help transporting stacks of books to and from the car.  Then again, it looks to be a rainy day, so maybe not.  I can’t do anything about it either way, so just have to deal with them in the way until they aren’t.  I will have to use 1 or 2 of the remaining boxes to get the additional yardsale items priced and contained.  They are taking over the room .. which is a good thing, because after the yardsale 95% of what’s unsold will not come back here; it will be donated.  There are a few (very few) things that I will give up stressing about and put in a consignment shop. 

I also have a lot of things piled on the table that I need help sorting.  I emptied all the drawers and shelves from the built-in desk.  A large part of stuff went into the trash.  But what was left went into plastic shoe boxes .. so not taking a lot of space, but still needing sorted.  At least I can sit down with someone to go through it. 

I started calculating time frames.  I already know there are 34 days until moving day (and the checks still haven’t cleared the bank).  But I have to look at what has to happen when within that time frame.  I need to make decisions (based on no experience at all, because DH always handled that; and besides, we’ve always used a truck, not a trailer, and I don’t know if there’s a difference in determinging size needed) and reserve a trailer.  TGF told me last night that DSS’s friend will likely help, with a big truck and trailer (open) .. possibly he can take the things that need to go to storage and eliminate needing a second trailer on another day.  So I also have to check the storage information.  That may be something that can be done today .. DSis sent me a link, and no one yet has had time to sit down and look it up.  The next (and final) yardsale can’t be any later than 2 ½ weeks from now, because after that weekend TGF will be at work and not able to come get everything to get it set up (plus getting out very early on a Saturday might be an issue right after ending summer “vacation” and having to get up for work every weekday morning!). 

I have to figure out when to cancel the utilities here.  I *should* get an equipment refund for the internet satellite .. but I have no idea how they are about actually doing that (or when).  But electric and Dish have to be stopped.  Will Dish come get their satellite and receivers, or is that something else I have to figure out how to deal with? Before I move I will have to figure out about getting my eye drops refilled.  I’d prefer to stay with the same pharmacy chain (for one thing, I wouldn’t need to get new Rxs); but it’s been pointed out to me … by people who can get in a car and go where ever they please … that a different pharmacy is in walking distance.  It *feels* like no one wants to bother making sure I can get the right bus to go to the nearest one of the same chain.  The refills fall due around the beginning of a month .. which means they will be needed  in less than 2 weeks after I move.  So it must be settled by then.  Actually, I have to decide (do I stand firm about riding a bus, or do I give in to pressure and change pharmacies?) by my next appointment, because if I change I’ll need brand new Rxs.  And that *could* be an issue, because as of that appointment they will be transferring my care to a closer office; and the doctor might prefer that the doctor taking over my care be the one to write new Rxs.  I think I just answered my own question.  I stay with my current pharmacy chain at least until after seeing a new doctor.

I don’t think I’ll hear from SIL today since it looks to be a rainy day.  I’m giving her some small bookcases (to hold all the books I gave her! LOL), but she won’t want to get them until it clears. 

My thoughts are all scattered this morning .. seems I don’t even finish one thought before I’m off on a tanget about something else.  I’m trying to keep up with it all, but so frustrating.  Calendars are no longer helpful.  I do have a big one that is a white board .. but I can’t find the dry erase marker.  Although I do now know that nail polish remover will take “magic marker” off a white board! 

I don’t know what time anything will happen today, though for sure not “early”.  TGF has something or other to take care of before coming here; and every since school got out she doesn’t get here early anyway.  Just the same, I guess I need to get showered and dressed earlier than I have been, and get the day going.  Oh yeah, and it’s Monday .. newsletter time.  I really need to get myself better organized this morning!

Day 113

Day 113

Saturday, July 19, 2014

This was a much harder day than I expected; but at least it was more productive.  Because I slept later, I got a slow start.  But I finally got busy, and tackled several areas. I have finished sorting through books from all areas except the shelves in the front hall .. and those are all DH’s books, and I won’t go through them.  I took down my beautiful white tree (sadness), and books are now piled in that corner (and I suspect I already wrote that .. days are starting to run together).  But I have some things (mainly cookbooks) to keep, and an enormous pile to take to the library. 

I made a long list of areas to be cleaned or sorted or something.  Then I figured how many days I have to work on it.  I tried to be realistic .. only figured 6 days a week to start with.  Then I took out a day for a doctor appointment; and at least 3 days for yardsale, including prep; and several more days “just in case”, for visiting or other things that come up.  I figured I have approximately 3 to 3 ½ weeks.  And after  reviewing the list, and having crossed off 3 items yesterday … I added about 9 more things (areas) I thought of. L  It’s daunting to say the least.  I really am trying to be ruthless, but it’s really hard.

What I did get done was sort through the bathroom linen closet (hard to actually empty since it’s being used); clean the shelf at the top of my closet; and the 3 drawers are empty.  I still have to clean the cabinets under sinks (2 of them), and I’ll have done all I can at this point in the bathroom.  One small room and the whole house yet to go.

Oh, and I “organized” the hall linen closet.  I finally matched up all burners with their boxes.  I pulled out a lot of candles for DSS/TGF.  What I still have to figure out is what to do with way more medical supplies than DN and I are likely to need, and I have to combine my decorative (taper) candles into as few boxes as possible.  Too bad, I worked so hard to sort them by color .. but I can’t really tell the colors apart any more anyway (DN will need to help when I change them).

The down side of how much I got done was that I was dealing with areas that rarely get attention … so very dusty, and I was choking, sniffling, coughing.  I had to keep stopping to breathe!  At one point I sat down to nap a bit.  Well, I didn’t actually nap, but I did relax.  Maggie decided to take a nap with me … I love that she’s started doing that, so I didn’t disturb her.

DN called last night .. she has a computer problem.  I didn’t hear from TGF, but she emailed me (after I had shut down, so got that this morning).  I don’t know what will happen today.  TGF may or may not come over.  I have a lot of things piled on the dining room table again that I’d like help sorting.  But, this morning I will begin working on it as best I can .. having learned the hard way to not put off things because I *think* someone is coming.  Too many things go wrong that way. 

I woke too early again.  It’s frustrating to say the least. It makes the day too long; but apparently I only “need” around 6 hours of sleep.  Occasionally I get more, and a few times less.  That’s just what it seems to average.  I’d like it to be more, but once I wake up … that’s it, I’m awake.  And since I try but rarely manage to take a nap, I guess I just don’t need the sleep.

I guess I’ll spend a little time (with another cup of coffee) trying to rethink how much I MUST get done day by day; and then get a shower and be ready for whatever today brings.

Day 112

Day 112

Friday, July 18, 2014

The day went about as I expected .. quiet and semi productive.  I’m getting a little frustrated in that I only seem to be moving things around.  That’s a waste of energy I think; but I have to have things a little organized so I can figure out what I need to be doing.

I’m still flitting from one thing to another, but I guess it’s OK as long as I get something done in each area.  One bathroom drawer is emptied, and the things I need to keep (not much!) in one place.  But the other 2 drawers will be harder to sort. 

I have emptied all the drawers in the big dresser I use in the dining room … batteries, tape, etc.  The things are all sorted into large baggies, but I don’t want to put them in a box yet.  I might need to use tape or batteries; and I suspect I will be adding extension cords to the bags.

The biggest thing I accomplished was to finally (sadness) dismantle the big white tree.  I don’t have anything big enough to put it in, so it’s behind a chair in the den for now.  The empty corner gave me a single place to start stacking books to be donated.  I have gone through 3 different places where books were congregated.  People go through them, but they stay there, and I can’t tell.  So from now on everything will go into the corner.  Actually, if anyone plans to go through any more, they better do it soon (as in DSS, so I will let him know).  I know TGF said she wanted some, but kept putting off picking them out or putting what she wanted in one place.  I’ve put aside some I *think* she wanted (keeping in mind it’s very hard to determine what they are .. in some cases, I just had to guess).  I’ve had some help sorting books, but at the time didn’t have a good place to put them; and mostly no one has had time to do that.  There are a LOT of books … and this is after a very great many of them have gone out the door.   And I’m embarrassed to admit how many I put aside to keep.  Mostly they are cookbooks, and I use the excuse that DN and I can go tho=rough them for interesting recipes to try. 

I have 3 smallish stacks on the table to be sorted, and 2 more shelves on a bookcase under the stairs.  I haven’t tackled the ones in the front hall, most were DH’s.  DSS took a lot, but has hinted that he wants to go through them again.

I have no more books on my Kindle to read.  TV last night was boring reruns.  And I can’t find the right place on the Kindle for videos (I know I have some movies stored on it … just couldn’t find them.  Drat!)  So I fell asleep too early out of sheer exhaustion and boredom.  Naturally, I woke around 3:00.  Maggie helped with that .. she was bumping something and I couldn’t tell what (most of “her” places have been cleared).  It finally got to me enough to get up … and found her on one of the built in desk shelves.  I moved her (she wasn’t very pleased, but didn’t “argue”).  And then for some reason started clearing the top of the desk.  I pushed everything on the shelf to the back and sides; and put a few things from the desk there.  The rest got sorted, some to trash and some to a plastic bin a small things I can’t identify.  I think the only things left on the desk now are the phone, a stack of notebooks (related to moving), and a pile of photo albums.  Oh, and 6 small flashlights.  I’ve always tried to have one of those easily available in every room in case of power going out .. which it has always done at odd random times here, not necessarily during a storm.  But over the years they’ve gotten moved around, or the children played with them and left them just anywhere, etc.  So as I’ve come across them I’ve put them all in one place.   Since I’m used to moving around in the dark, I figure I can find one if I need it easily enough.  And I know I have enough for one for each room in the apartment.

Anyway, at some point I did finally go back to sleep; and then didn’t get up until around 7:00, and feeling a bit groggy.  Interrupted sleep does not bode well for a productive day .. and add in that it’s a completely gray day.  Supposedly very little chance of rain, and cooler.  But gray all the same, meaning a lack of light for me.  Just because I’m used to the dark doesn’t mean I like it!!  Soone enough (hopefully years yet, but I don’t know) my world will be completely dark.  I crave all the light I can get .. and yet, without overly bright direct light.  I know, it doesn’t make sense.  I never claimed to “make sense”!

My SIL called last night.  She is home and doing well enough.  She did not get stents after all .. her blockage was in a “Y” area, so it was ballooned out instead, and her meds strength doubled. 

TGF was due home sometime last night from her trip.  I’ve not heard a word from her, so no idea what’s going on.  I expect I’ll hear from her eventually … to do laundry if nothing else.  But possibly not until Monday.

I do hear from DN pretty much every day.  But since I’m struggling with the sorting and packing while she is doing a lot of the more fun planning, it’s a little depressing.  I keep reminding myself of all the benefits of the move.  But it’s still frustrating and discouraging to not know what I can or can’t do .. and also to be *told* I can’t do this or that, or can’t bring this or that.

I guess it’s just as well I don’t have too much help with this sorting and packing process.  I’m sure I will end up with way too much stuff, and have to put a lot into storage.  I just have no way of knowing until I’m actually there.  I have this fear that people are treating me like visually impaired equals stupid.  If they were to “help” me, I believe things I treasure would be just thrown away.  And I’d end up in a room with my chair, my dresser, a TV, and little else.  There has to be a middle ground, and I feel very much on my own to find it. 

It’s not helping that my mental image of the apartment keeps shrinking!  I can’t locate the one picture I’ve been sent (not ours, but a similar one).  And my mind keeps making it smaller.  I also have a depressing feeling that I won’t have any say not only about what I’m “allowed” to have but how it all gets arranged.  I don’t especially care if someone who is familiar with the size and layout makes basic decisions.  But I do have a few things I care about.  I hope I get a chance to express those, but I just don’t know what will happen.

Because of sleeping later than usual, the whole morning is slightly “out of focus”.  I have washed dishes and fed cats .. and that’s all.  I should go get a shower and get dressed and get busy.  Perhaps I will .. soon.  

Day 111

Day 111

Thursday, July 17, 2014

I managed to stay busy off and on, a bit more “on” than off.  But it was a difficult day.  I made up my mind it wa time to tackle the sewing area of this room.  That’s over half the room … and I dearly love fabric.  So parting with it .. which also meant letting go of dreams of quilts yet to be done … was very hard.   Many “scraps” went into the trash bag.  Many more larger pieces … even sets of fat quarters .. went into a bag to be given away.  I still packed a large tote very full of pieces I wasn’t ready to let go of. In the process I came across some flat white sheets, originally bought cheap as quilt backing.  I put those aside for use on the sleeper sofa or air mattresses, since pretty much everything else is packed or gone. Perhaps it’s not a bad idea to hang on to a few “guest sheets” .. just in case.  Even once I move there will still be a big sofa, plus a single and a double air mattress.

I also worked randomly in different areas.  I had to leave the room occasionally; but part of the time sorting drawers and cabinets I had to give in and use a mask.  I really hate those, and had over 2 years of wearing one daily; twice a day in fact.  But, when I got to choking I gave in.

It’s vagely discouraging that the pile of “take” stuff keeps getting bigger, and yet looking around it doesn’t appear I’ve done all that much.  But, I have a whole wall full of empty cabinets .. that just doesn’t “show”.I’ve made progress, but still feel overwhelmed … and a bit depressed as I keep going and realize I’m still not letting go of enough yet.

I’m hoping it will be less so when most of the things that need to be somewhere else (other than storage) are gone.  There’s the huge pile of yardsale stuff.  And books.  So many books.  And bookcases and file cabinets for TGF’s classroom, and smaller bookcases for SIL.  It would also help if the bigger pieces of furniture were sold.  Hopefully by this weekend the things to be sold (primarily the huge entertainment center, a dresser, and my wonderful desk that I hate to give up but must) will be relisted on the yardsale sites .. with a bit lower prices on the things that haven’t sold yet. 

I keep being told everything is fine.  And though I have no reason not to believe the ones who tell me that … I won’t be really *sure* until those blasted checks are deposited and cleared .. which as of this morning (Friday) they have not.  

TGF is due back from her trip sometime tonight; but since (as expected despite what she said) I have not heard from her all week, I don’t expect to hear before tomorrow at the earliest.  Sometime soon, though, I guess she’ll be coming over to do laundry. SIL didn’t call me yesterday as she said she would . but she often forgets, so unless I hear otherwise I’m going to believe her procedure went well and she will go home today.  DIL is not coming home until the middle of next week.  So altogether I expect today to be another quiet day.  The weather is unusually “mild” and nice for mid July, and I need to take advantage of it and try harder to be more productive.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed and depressed, I’m going to *try* to just pick one small area at a time and deal with it.   My supply of boxes is dwindling; and the ones I have are smallish.  A lot will still go in them of course … and thee’s still a lot I can pack (or purge) that I can do even this far (5 weeks) ahead of the move.

Yesterday afternoon I had a nice long conversation with a classmate.  Our 50^th reunion (HS) will be in October, and I had been trying to contact her to find out when.  I finally found an email from another classmate.  There is something, after all, to be said for not deleting things … although trying to find it was a major hassle.  But I got the one girl’s phone number.  Turns out the apartment is close to where her mother lives, and she will come visit.  Possibly more than I’d like! LOL!  She means well of course, but is always trying to urge me into weird classes she teaches.  Not happening.  But the conversation was nice, and I found out the reunion is around the 11^th of October I think (can’t find a calendar I can read to figure the exact weekend).  She offered to come help with packing closer to the move date.  Deending on how things are going by then, I will keep her in mind.  Hopefully by the first weekend in August  I will be down to only things I will actually need to use up to the move.  Well, maybe by the 2^nd weekend.  I’m not sure yet when the next (and last!) yardsale will be.  The majority of stuff in that pile will be donated if not sold; but there are a few things I’ll put in storage rather than just give away.   Unless, of course, a family member wants any of it … that would be my first choice anyway; but doesn’t look likely to happen.  Well, someone *might* want the drop cords.  But certainly not furniture (I’m the only one with such a wonky kitchen I needed to add free standing cabinets!), or most of the “junk” I’m forcing myself to let go of.

I woke too early … fell asleep earlier since nothing on TV held my interest.  I’ve read every book on my audible kindle; and at the moment only have one credit to get anything else.  At least, I think I do.  Anyway, I’m better off with no reading material for now, since it distracts me from working through the house. 

It’s still  too early, but I guess I might as well go on and get in the shower and get this day started, see what I can get done.  I have a very long list, and will cross off as many things as I can manage.

Day 110

Day 110

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Once again, my day turned out quite a bit different than I expected.  Odd, I had thought this would be an unusually quiet week; but it hasn’t turned out that way so far.

I didn’t get up until around 6:00, so didn’t feel so much like I was wandering around in the middle of the night.  It seems to take me awhile to wake up, but if I get enough sleep I don’t feel so disoriented.  I did well at first, and got several boxes packed and some things organized.

In the early afternoon my SIL called and asked if I wanted to ride with her to the grocery store.  And on the spur of the moment I decided I would.  She took me by the PO, and I finally got a package mailed.  Then I went with her to the store (she was getting her basic month’s groceries).  It’s always interesting to see how other people shop!  We went to her house so she could put up the cold stuff, then she took me home.  We had planned to finish emptying 2 bookcases (only a few books left on them), but it looked so threatening we thought we’d better wait until next week.

I did manage to pack up one more box, working on clearing my desk.  Everything on it has to go somewhere, because that is one more thing I need to try to sell.

Also in the afternoon DB called, just to talk a bit.  That always cheers me up. J  He did ask if I know yet what furniture I’m moving, how many boxes, so I can calculate how big a trailer I’ll need.  That’s scary.  I know what furniture of course (other than some small pieces which can be moved by picup if they can be used).  But I don’t know how to figure out boxes.  I’m making progress, but there’s still so much to go through.  And it’s really hard, and depressing. 

Every since about 1964 I’ve never lived in one place more than 5 yeaers at the most – and usually less than that.  So I didn’t really accumulate a lot.  When DH and I got married, we combined 2 complete households; and from that point on, moving got more complicated.  But we “shed” stuff with each move, and at times had things in storage.  Then we got here .. and stayed.   The things came out of storage and were either eliminated, or absorbed into the household.  Over the years I replaced worn out bits and pieces with nicer things.  I bought the first brand new washer and dryer I’ve ever had in my life, that I now have to get rid of.   Most people are so quick to say I don’t *need* so much junk, and think it’s easy to just throw it all away.  No, it’s not.  Things that were hard to come by for me are not so easy to just let go of.

I also need to sell some of the things here that I don’t need.  Moving is not cheap!!  There’s overlapping rent, trailer rent, cleaning help, and so on.  And I don’t know what a lot of things are going to cost, so need to be prepared. 

I did have some things listed for sale on Craigs List and online yard sales.  I did sell a very few of them; but now all the listings are down.  I had wanted TGF to relist with prices a little lower.  But now she’s gotten the idea in her head that I should call a consignment shop and have them just come pick up the big items.  Well, if I didn’t care if it took months – or years – to get my money (which would be less because of their fee), that would be fine.  Mentime, how do I pay for some of the things coming up?  But then, if I don’t sell them I’m no better off.  I guess I will have to consider the consignment .. but not yet.

I know I fret about things too much.  It will all work out.  That’s what I keep being told.  By people who aren’t here, in this house, having to go through and let go of a lifetime of things that have meaning to me if to no one else.   I know my parents went through a similar process, and for some of the same reasons .. too much house, too mucy yard.  But they had 4 kids to whom they could disperse a  very large amount of the *things* that had to go.  And they kept what meant the most (at the time) … moved into more space than I’m going to be able to move into.  They didn’t have to get rid of things just because someone else told them what they could or couldn’t take. 

It’s just all very overwhelming.  Especially the every growing piles of things I absolutely cannot go through without help.  And, I still have massive piles of books.  I’m fairly sure that the bulk of them are now non-fiction; and I *think* everyone interested has had the chance to look through them.  But I don’t even have any place where I can get them all in one spot … and they really need to be taken to the library (and not even sure the library will take so many).   

I really don’t think anything will happen today.  TGF and DIL are both out of town; SIL will be in the hospital to get her 4^th (and maybe 5^th) stent  (prayers for her would be appreciated!).  I thought maybe I’d see DGS15 this week … how silly of me, of course I won’t.  He’s enjoying having his dad all to himself (even if it means they both wear dirty clothes all week!!).  I’ve not rushed this morning, but it’s time to go on and get the day started and see how much I can accomplish.  Like it or not, today I need to try to tackle a significant portion of this sewing/computer room.