Day 245

Day 245

Thursday, January 23 2014

Physical:

This was another up and down day.  He woke in the morning; and while he did stay in bed without too much protest (the fact that it’s cold helped!), he still insisted on up and down multiple times.  Shortly after he was cleaned u good, he was trying to get up from his chair.  Since I knew he’d just been cleaned , I told him to relax because he probably had gas.  

He was more fuzzy-brained today (some days he sounds much more alert, regardless of where he thinks he is).  I gave him the last of the soup for lunch, and we waited for the chaplain.  But later he insisted he needed to lay down.  And, of course, about 2 ½ hours later he wanted up again.  He was going through a particularly insistent bout of “I can do it”, so I stood back and let him try.  He couldn’t even sit up .. but he kept struggling so hard to try, he fell back asleep!  I gave him a few minutes then got him up.  And, as I expected, he can’t grasp the concept of turning.  This gets more and more dangerous, and I really don’t know what to do.

It was nearly an hour later than usual gtting him to bed (and I was right, he’d only had some gas!).  He slept well all night but was awake by 6:00 (which really isn’t too bad although much too early for him to get up).  As frequently happens now, when I went in the room he asked how I found him.  He had tossed the covers, said he had to go home.  He did finally settle when I told him he can’t go anywhere that early and with dialysis still running and it so terribly cold outside!

Oh, and he ate a nice big serving of rice with turkey has for supper.

People:

What an unusual day it was!!  The lady I occasionally hire for cleaning came, and we made huge progress in the upstairs room.  She took all of the trash and give-away stuff with her (unfortunately, that also included 2 big bags that were not supposed to go!!  I’ve emailed her, and really hope she realized she had those and kept them!!!  Otherwise I’m going to have a really hard time replacing items that didn’t really belong to me!).  While she was here the CAN came.  Besides the upstairs, the lady also cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed all the “public” rooms.  After she had left too, the tech from medical supply came by to put a water trap in DH’s oxygen line.  Then .. around almost 2:00 .. the chaplain came for a visit.  I always enjoy his visits; but things were a ibt “off”, and I can’t exactly explain.  There were brief somewhat awkward silences.  I’m never as comfortable chatting with him with DH, because I’m careful what I say  Also, he requested to leave by a different door.  By this time of day 3 other people (actually 4, there was a delivery) had come and gone using the ramp; but he said it was a little slippery still.  So, I took him around to the back door.  That was unbelievably hard … one of Mama’s superstitions drilled into me was that a guest always has to leave by the same door they came in or they’ll never come back!

Usually he hugs me ehllo and/or good bye .. this time he didn’t.  I don’t think I treated him as sociably as usual; I hope he understands how tired I was by then. When he called I very nearly asked him to come another day – but I rarely do that, and knew the cleaning lady would be done by the time he said he’d come.

Emotions:

As always I have trouble separating feelings from just tiredness. Last night was actually a little better than usual.  I was so tired I dozed off and was a little late taking DH has last pills; but after that, I went right back to sleep.  It was a cold night .. even with the heat on a higher setting, 2 blankets and a cat, it was border line comfortable.  Still, I only woke once around 3:00, and wasn’t awake more than an hour or so.  I didn’t get up until 6:00!!  Unfortunately, this morning there is no hot water.  I have no idea if there’s just a line frozen and will thaw, or something else.  I do know there’s way too much junk in front of the heater.  I’ve been trying to get someone to help me clean the porch, but that’s just not happening.  Tomorrow will at least be out of freezing, so I’ll just have to do the best I can.

/as ifteb gaooebsm U get ubterryoted ub tge nuddke if wrutubgl abd then I’ve lost my train of thought.  It’s 9:00 and DH is still in bed.  He was sleeping soundly when I had to take him pills; I hope he’ll go back to sleep awhile.  The later he sleeps in the morning the better day he has.  The hot water being out is throwing my morning off, and I really don’t quite know why.  I have water; and I have a tea kettle and a gas stove.  I got dishes washed (though I’m glad there weren’t many); and I got a birdbath and dressed (not sure how long I’ll be OK with not getting my hair washed!!).  Laundry is done with cold water  So everything is actually mostly on track.  I still have to feed the outside cats .. but I’m only putting that off because it’s so cold!  Oh, and I went upstairs briefly, moved a few boxes around.  

Some days are better than others of course; but if I can make myself stay busy, the days go faster and I’m less likely to have a complete melt down by evening.  I’m usually so tired I can barely move;  but tired alone is at least better than tired and depressed.

Sometimes I think I just keep sitting here and writing stuff that doesn’t even make sense .. because the alternate is to get up and get busy.  It’s cold.  DH is stirring.  I have to feed the cats.  I want to hide my head in the sand.  21 days and counting.