Day 238

Day 238

Friday, January 17 2014

Physical:

This was definitely an “off-beat” sort of day.  DH slept fairly late .. he stirred a few times, but went on back to sleep.  Then around 11:30, he decided to get up (on his own of course).  Although he had calmly agreed multiple times that trying to get on and off the commode was too difficult, suddenly nothing else would do.  And, of course, it was partly “too late” .. he can’t tell the difference.  Once I finally got him cleaned up and dressed, in the wheelchair shirt all buttoned … he wanted to lay down again.  And he hasn’t been out of bed since.  He said off and on that he didn’t feel good.  He had the TV on, but mostly slept through the afternoon.

He has a habit of “holding” his breath in short puffs, so he sounds like he’s trying to struggle to do something and getting short of breath.

He also didn’t want to eat; but I fixed him a pot pie (one of his favorite things) and he ate most of it.

People:

The only person here today was the CAN around noonish, or a bit later.

Emotions:

After only getting somewhere around 3 hours sleep last night, and some off and on cat naps through the afternoon, I now feel so tired I can’t even think.  The one “good” thing is DH staying in bed .. I just not sure I could lift him safely!  And I don’t know how to change this pattern. I feel like I’m being crushed, and no way to lift the weight.

And, as if I needed something else … the landlord knocked on the door today.  She was concerned because the rent is never this late but she hadn’t gotten it yet.  I was embarrassed and humiliated.  And of course, TGF continues to assure me it was mailed (twice); she says on Tuesday she’ll take the stub and start a trace (but I’m not sure the PO will actually do one that quick).  I’m hoping it will show up by then.  But clearly I have to come up with another way to handle this.  It’s more annoying than ever that she doesn’t want a check.  But then, I can’t even see well enough to write a check anyway.  I do have a glimmer of an idea about that; but I have to figure out how to arrange things without offending TGF.  As annoyed as I get with her (she rarely does anything unless there’s something in it for her), I have no choice but be dependent on her to even get to the pharmacy and grocery store once a week.

I’m trying to write tonight because I may have less time in the morning.  Hoefully, if nothing happens, my DIL is coming to visit and help with some stuff (like mail, computer issues, and maybe starting to pare down some of the junk in the “office closet”).  But I’m so tired I can’t think.  Just a little while more and I can take DH his last pills, and I can try to get to sleep.  And hopefully STAY asleep for at the very least 5 hours; preferably 7 or 8!!

ay will turn out.

It is now close to 3:00 AM.  He woke up around 1:30, trying to get off the bed.  He said he was going to the bathroom.  Only then he said it was too late.  He went back to sleep.

I didn’t.  As usual.

I have washed dishes.  Checked email (pretty useless in the middle of the night).  I’m really groggy and my eyes burn, so not at all sure what else to try to do. I desperately need some sleep.  Maybe I’ll try some hot chocolatep.

I did finally manage about another hour of sleep by moving to the guest room sofa.  Weird.  (I can’t sleep much more than that on the sofa, it makes my back hurt).   It is now 8:00, but not very bright out.  Supposedly it’s going to be sunny but very cold; but it’s starting out gray and that’s making it hard to wake up.  I’m going to try very hard to have a bit of a productive day .. the more tired  the more I’m able to keep busy, the less overwhelmed and depressed I feel.  Mid afternoon is the worst time, when I tend to crash.  Apparently a couple of hours nap then  (and unless I’m very busy, usually with someone else here, I can’t seem to avoid that) is just enough to ruin the whole night.  It would also help if I could figure out a way to turn my mind off at night … but if old episodes of Andy doesn’t do it, I don’t know what will!!