Day 253
Friday, January 31 2014
Physical:
Most of the day was fairly “quiet” for DH. He did insist on getting up by mid morning;
but since I knew the CAN would be late, I thought that was a reasonable
time. He was up until mid afternoon, and
then wanted to nap after his bath. All
of that was expected. But then an hour
or so later he demanded to get up again.
That wasn’t so bad, that meant he would (maybe) not sleep all
evening.
He ate a sandwich for lunch, and one (fairly big) piece of
chicken for supper. He didn’t want
anything else, not even cookies or candy.
But he started watching something on TV .. and wanted to stay
up until 10:00. By a little after 9:00
he was too tired .. and that was a big mistake.
And yet, I can’t really “force” him to go to bed if he doesn’t want
to. So when I went to get him into the
wheelchair, he and I were both too tired and it was a near disaster. Fortunately, this time at least, I managed to
keep him in his chair, barely. It took a
long time and a lot of struggle, but I managed to get him back into the chair
far enough to start over. The second
time I was better prepared, but it was still close. His brain insists on telling him that he can
get up and walk around any time he wants .. even when I’m trying to hold him
up. He
honestly doesn’t realize that not only is he not moving (as in literally
not moving his feet or his torso), but he’s not even holding his own weight on
his feet. And I cannot convince him to
stop reaching behind him for the wheelchair …. Which twists him in the wrong
direction and I have to push his whole weight
back around to where he needs to be to sit in the wheelchair. Physically, he’s really not that far from
being bed-bound. The problem is that he
doesn’t know it. There are times when getting him up is the only way to get him
out of whatever fantasy he’s in (and even then it doesn’t always work).
Once he got settled in bed, he slept fairly well.
People:
What an odd day this turned out to be! The nurse came today, right at noon. I actually do enjoy visiting with her. I did like the substitute nurse that came a
few times .. she was more “motherly”; this nurse tends to be more professional
(not a bad thing), not as open. I
believe, though, from something she said, that she makes an effort to not get
too emotionally involved with her patients.
Later, around mid afternoon, the social worker called and then came
over. Just after she got here, the CAN got
here. When I can talk to the S/W one on
one .. not with DH in the room, and not in tandem with the chaplain, it seems
to be a much nicer visit. She encourages
me to say what I feel; and she tells me it’s OK. And it’s easier to believe from someone who
has “seen it all”. Not only in the work
she does, but she’s had experience with dementia in her family. For a brief time both ladies and I chatted,
and that was just fun.
Throughout the day the phone rang often, which is
unusual. It was all sorts of “junk”
calls – even a wrong number. Late in the
evening I talked with TGF about weekend scheduling.
Emotions:
Because I had a chance to “let off steam” to a degree, it was
an easier day. Physically, though, it
was a really hard day. I got the rest of
the Christmas stuff upstairs. I’m sure I
will find bits and pieces I overlooked; but 99.9% of it is neatly packed
away. That, in itself, was tiring (3
trees went up, as well as multiple boxes and other stuff). I didn’t get to take a nap, though I did have
a brief spell between visits to sit back with my feet up. By the time DH was ready to go to bed, I
was already nearly stumbling over my own feet tired, and the episode with the
chair was just icing on the cake! It also meant I woke up around 3:00 .. seems
it’s when I’m over tired that I have that issue. I guess I sleep “too hard” or something. It took awhile to get back to sleep,; and by
6:00 I was up. If I’ve slept reasonably
well, I’m OK with getting up so early. I’ve
discovered that’s a good time to get things done, when I have more energy. I’d love for there to be a morning when I
didn’t have stuff to get up and get done; but I suspect I’d be wide awake
anyway. I think it will be years – if ever
– before I can stay up late and sleep late in the morning. But as hard as things are now – physically and
emotionally – I try hard not to think about a time when I don’t have anything
to do. I think my life will become
pretty much pointless then. I am not
looking forward to becoming old, blind, worn out, and useless.
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