Day 258

Day 258

Wednesday February 5 2014

Physical:

This was a quiet but somewhat odd day.  Things are subtly changing I think, but since DH seems mostly the same day by day, it’s hard to tell.  He woke early I got him settled, and he ended up sleeping until noon.  But then within a few minutes of talking to him, he was flipping the covers off and saying he was going to get up.  He was not particularly happy with me but I simply refused to get him u at that point.  And he went back to sleep!   The CAN got here mid afternoon, and after getting him bathed we got him up.  He then stayed in his chair until bed time .. but of course, mostly sleeping.  He was unusually slumped over … I’ve noticed more and more that if I’m not extremely careful to get him centered in the chair, he will slump heavily towards  whatever side he “off”.  Also sometimes he will try to reach for something on his table and end up slumped that way – like he doesn’t have the strength to sit back up straight. 

He was still saying he had a pain in his stomach, but not as bad.  I don’t really think he’s constipated (he doesn’t eat enough for his body to produce much waste); but last night he did say he’d like to take a Dulcolax.  Part of the trouble is, still, that he can’t quite tell the dofferemce between gas and a natural “urge” .. or sometimes nothing at all.

He refused to eat anything most of the day, not even his Cheetoes.  For supper he ate part of a pork roast sandwich, but most of a small bowl of salad.  He did say the salad was really good, even though he didn’t finish that.

This morning he was fretting about losing cr keys again.  Nothing I said would suit him, so I finally just told him he had to go back to sleep until the dialysis is done and we’d figure it all out later.  That didn’t really suit him either, but he didn’t keep arguing.

People:

The CAN came, as I said, mid afternoon.  I had thought the nurse might come – used to be on Wednesdays.  Now I have no clue when she will show up; but she does have a tendency to get here fairly early in the morning sometimes.  The CAN is on vacation today, and I told them we didn’t really need a sub for just the one day.  So I *could* have slept later .. or at least been a little lazier this morning.  But no.  I had to be up and dressed, and get the cats fed so I could open the door ..just in case she shows up.  OK, I was awake; but that doesn’t mean I wanted to get up!

Emotions:

I go from blank to angry to sad to discouraged in the blink of an eye. It’s worse, of course, the more tired I get.  I’ve been trying to convince myself I’m getting better at keeping a bit of balance; and I guess I am.  I’m not angry, or sad, or depressed all the time.  I spend a lot of my time feeling “empty” .. but that’s a rest of sorts from the ups and downs.

My knees have been articularly achy this week.  I guesss it’s weather related .. DH has actually been up and down less, so it’s not from that.

I’m also over-anxious about my upcoming weekend “off” … 8 more days.  I wish I could stop thinking of things that could go wrong (especially weather related).  I know that’s counter-productive, but I can’t help it.   There are a few people I’m not completely sure I can count on .. they have let me down in the past, so it’s a lot of wait and see.

The morning is getting on now, and still no idea if/when the nurse will show up.  I much prefer the chance to talk to her one-on-one.  But if DH wakes and wants to get up, then I lose that chance (if she even shows up anyway).

I really need to find something constructive to do .. that doesn’t require a lot of close vision or needing someone to help.   That limits the possibilities, but I’ll find something.