Day 275

Day 275

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Physical:

After a bit of a strange week, this was back to a closer to “normal” day .. or at least, the way things tend to run more smoothly.  DH slept until just before 11:00.  He managed to stay mostly awake until mid afternoon – which was pretty good for him considering TV was pretty boring.  He did take a nap for a couple of hours, and then I didn’t have to struggle to get him to wake up.

He ate a sandwich for lunch, but didn’t eat as much supper as I thought he might.  He loves pork chops; but I think maybe they’re getting harder for him to digest.  I don’t know what direction to go … we can’t eat only chicken all the time!  The things he likes the most are the ones he has the most trouble with .. either chewing or digesting.  I don’t think he’s ready for *much*!

Once he got to sleep he slept through the night; but his breathing sounded labored most of it.  I had to wake him up for a pill, but he seems to be sleeping easier right now.

People:

We neither saw nor heard from anyone this day.

Emotions:

Even though I started the day a bit weepy, I managed to stay busy enough to feel productive.  I got one area (about 3’ of wall space) cleaned and reduced to 2 smallish boxes (still haven’t brought plastic bins down to put stuff in).  I didn’t throw out anything “good”, even if I didn’t know what it was good for; but good grief, there was one box full of just crumpled paper towels!  And I did toss some seriously out of date road maps!

I also was able to rearrange a few bits and pieces to make the supplies more organized and easier to reach and maintain.  I think.  I will probably have to rethink some of that when it’s time to actually change the furniture; but it will be fine for now.  There’s still a lot of stuff to sort .. DH is the worst pack-rat ever! I find I don’t mind being tired when I’ve been productive.  And I’m able to be productive without straining my back or making my knees ache.

I slept better last night than I have all week .. even though I moved during the night.  Just after 2:00 a barking dog woke me, so I went to another room – and slept well the rest of the night.  Finally!  I still don’t know why I sometimes have so much trouble sleeping; it’s not like I’m not tired.  I can hardly hold my eyes open, and almost never get to watch 10:00 shows that I want to see.  But I wake up after only a few hours – sometimes only 2 hours – and then have a hard time getting back to sleep, even though I’m tired and feel sleepy. 

Today will be the first time in 3 weeks to get to the grocery store.  Too bad it’s the end of the month .. not the time to “stock up”.    And I won’t get anything else done in DH’s room, unless DSS turns out to be willing to help with the desk … he could maybe start boxing up the things on it that need to go with the desk, and putting aside (for me to box) the things to stay here.  We all know he’s never going to use any of that stuff again (mainly a lot of miniature tools for making scale model boats).  But there’s no need to upset him by just giving away all of his stuff and telling him he can’t use it!   The worse he gets the more I feel like he needs to have hope.  If he didn’t have the dementia, I think he would be very depressed, but realistic.  As it is, he doesn’t know where he is most of the time; and doesn’t know “when” it is a lot.   And except when I argue with him, or deny him what he wants, he’s not in general upset.  He does have occasional flashes of lucidity when it bothers him to realize his mind is so far gone; but fortunately, they don’t last.  A lot of the time he seems content, because he’s frequently telling me (and others) places he went, things he did.  To him it’s all very real.

At times I wonder about my own motives in moving things around, getting rid of stuff.  Am I just being lazy, wanting to confine him to one room?  It’s going to make the rest of the house seem that much emptier.  But the fact is, it’s getting harder and harder to have to get him in and out of the wheelchair.  It’s not “stable”,  and doesn’t take much for it to move and risk a bad fall.  I’m trying to look at it as not so much “confining” him, as a way to eliminate a dangerous step.  I think he can be up and down more often if it is only a transfer from bed to chair.  I know myself, I’ll get annoyed at that too; but as long as I can do it safely I won’t refuse.  But if he’s stuck in only one room, it’s only logical to make that room more inviting, and open so anyone that comes here .. even if it’s only DSS on Sunday afternoon … can be in there with him to visit.  As far as getting rid of stff  … that’s tricky.  DSS sees me as “jumping the gun”  … wait until his dad is gone before getting rid of his things.  I see it as getting rid of junk I’ve wanted to get rid of for years!!!  I mean really, he’s saved ever little scrap of rope, tiny pieces of wire, old lamp cords, bits and pieces of leather too small for any project, and so on.  Tools are one thing (even if I do know he’ll never use them); large blocks of wood and other such supplies are OK.  Just not all the giblets and scraps!