Day 271
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Physical:
The day was, in general, a good day. DH slept late, and the CAN came fairly
early. He stayed in his chair after that
until his “normal” bedtime. He did nap a
lot of the afternoon, but it didn’t stop him from sleeping most of the night.
Everything changes today, so it will be wait and see how
things work out.
People:
The CAN came before noon.
TGF stopped by to bring the refills she picked up. I also got to hold one of the tiny babies (her
nephew) briefly; but he was hungry and angry about it, so she had to get home
with him.
This morning (Wednesday) the CAN has already come and gone.
Emotions:
I’m very weepy this morning, but it is not DH’s fault. I think it’s at least partly a version of “holiday
blues” .. sort of that after vacation slump.
I know it will be a long time before it happens again (it took close to 6 months to organize last weekend!). For one thing, there are lots of things
coming up in the spring that will tie up weekends for everyone. But there’s also the slight issue that I feel
a bit guilty for taking off. Or maybe
it’s not so much “guilty” as resentful that someone else thinks I should feel
guilty. It’s so hard to explain. But it feels like now that DH and I are old,
and have health issues, I get the feeling that *some people* think we deserve
it because *they* don’t have what they want in life. The fact that we went through it all …
struggling, raising a blended family, health issues .. apparently is
irrelevant. It feels like they don’t
think we’ve earned any respite in our old age.
I’m really over tired this morning. And as I said it’s not DH’s fault; but I am
not sure ow this day will go. Powerful
thunder storms woke me up just after 4:00 AM.
It poured rain and just when I thought it must be letting up – it rained
harder. There was massive amounts of
thunder and lightening. It went on for
over 2 hours before it quieted down. And
just when I had drifted back to sleep, there was one last super loud crack of
thunder. By then it was so near 7:00 I
had to go on and get up.
And that brings me to another issue. It’s not one I can blame on anyone, but it’s
depressing just the same. Because of
other patients (who apparently are less cooperative and grateful for services
than we are), the CAN has had to shift our time slot to 7:30 in the morning. Because that makes us her first patient (as
well as she now has more), she will no longer have time to sit and chat a
bit. I had enjoyed that. Now it just feels like we’re forced to start
our day super early … and then a long empty day stretching out with nothing at
all to break it up or look forward to.
Last night, as I mentioned above, TGF picked up a couple of
refills. Today I have to call the
pharmacy to see how they have stuff listed in their computer .. because they
refilled something he didn’t really need yet; but did not refill one he’s
completely out of. It’s an iron pill,
not one that’s “critical”; but that’s not the point. In any case, I won’t be able to refill it now
until Sunday. The trouble with that is
that the dialysis nurse comes on Friday to draw blood for labs, for an
appointment next week. And it’s going to
show his iron low, and they’re going to yammer about I should be doing this and
that .. and no one really cares that the base problem is my being stranded at
home.
I have 5 or 6 bags of trash piled up in the dining room. I despise having it there. Any time anyone does enter the house,instead
of seeing the pretty table I’ve set or the room being neat and attractive, the
immediate view is piles of trash bags.
It just ruins everything … but DSS
just doesn’t care. It’s too much
trouble to get any trash that he doesn’t practically trip over.
When DH bought the “stupidboat” (and that’s exactly how I’ve
always thought of it), he also bought some fiberglass to refinish it. He got a really good deal at the time, so
rented a storage unit to keep it n.
Thanks to the arsonist last fall, the boat no longer exists. And the stuff is now so old, it may or may
not be any good. But the unit keeps
being rented right along. I think
DSS/TGF have added things, a lot from the shop while it’s being repaired. But .. it’s still in DH’s name, and I agreed
to continue to pay the rent for 6 months (after the fire). This is the 6th month. I gave TGF the $$ to pay it at the beginning
of the month. But in the mail is a
postcard reminder of rent due. That just
makes me furious. I’m going to call the
place, and tell them DH is no longer
responsible for that unit. If that’s not
“good enough” (they’re exceptionally nice, but do have to run a business), then
I will tell them they are welcome to cut the lock off and put their own on it,
and hold it hostage until DSS pays the rent … or get rid of it’s contents in
any way they see fit. I’m sick of being
responsible for someone else’s problems.
On to of everything else, I’m very concerned about someone I
love dearly, and have not heard from with an update. I worry.
It’s what I do.
It will soon be time for DH’s morning pills. After that, I’m going to try very hard to get
a nap before getting a shower and starting the day. I know I will need to come up with a new “routine”
to accommodate the schedule change. But
it won’t happen today.
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