Day 271

Day 271

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Physical:

The day was, in general, a good day.  DH slept late, and the CAN came fairly early.  He stayed in his chair after that until his “normal” bedtime.  He did nap a lot of the afternoon, but it didn’t stop him from sleeping most of the night.

Everything changes today, so it will be wait and see how things work out.

People:

The CAN came before noon.  TGF stopped by to bring the refills she picked up.  I also got to hold one of the tiny babies (her nephew) briefly; but he was hungry and angry about it, so she had to get home with him.

This morning (Wednesday) the CAN has already come and gone.

Emotions:

I’m very weepy this morning, but it is not DH’s fault.  I think it’s at least partly a version of “holiday blues” .. sort of that after vacation slump.  I know it will be a long time before it happens again (it took  close to 6 months to organize last weekend!).  For one thing, there are lots of things coming up in the spring that will tie up weekends for everyone.  But there’s also the slight issue that I feel a bit guilty for taking off.    Or maybe it’s not so much “guilty” as resentful that someone else thinks I should feel guilty.  It’s so hard to explain.  But it feels like now that DH and I are old, and have health issues, I get the feeling that *some people* think we deserve it because *they* don’t have what they want in life.  The fact that we went through it all … struggling, raising a blended family, health issues .. apparently is irrelevant.  It feels like they don’t think we’ve earned any respite in our old age.

I’m really over tired this morning.  And as I said it’s not DH’s fault; but I am not sure ow this day will go.  Powerful thunder storms woke me up just after 4:00 AM.  It poured rain and just when I thought it must be letting up – it rained harder.  There was massive amounts of thunder and lightening.  It went on for over 2 hours before it quieted down.  And just when I had drifted back to sleep, there was one last super loud crack of thunder.  By then it was so near 7:00 I had to go on and get up.

And that brings me to another issue.  It’s not one I can blame on anyone, but it’s depressing just the same.  Because of other patients (who apparently are less cooperative and grateful for services than we are), the CAN has had to shift our time slot to 7:30 in the morning.  Because that makes us her first patient (as well as she now has more), she will no longer have time to sit and chat a bit.  I had enjoyed that.  Now it just feels like we’re forced to start our day super early … and then a long empty day stretching out with nothing at all to break it up or look forward to.

Last night, as I mentioned above, TGF picked up a couple of refills.  Today I have to call the pharmacy to see how they have stuff listed in their computer .. because they refilled something he didn’t really need yet; but did not refill one he’s completely out of.  It’s an iron pill, not one that’s “critical”; but that’s not the point.  In any case, I won’t be able to refill it now until Sunday.  The trouble with that is that the dialysis nurse comes on Friday to draw blood for labs, for an appointment next week.  And it’s going to show his iron low, and they’re going to yammer about I should be doing this and that .. and no one really cares that the base problem is my being stranded at home.

I have 5 or 6 bags of trash piled up in the dining room.  I despise having it there.  Any time anyone does enter the house,instead of seeing the pretty table I’ve set or the room being neat and attractive, the immediate view is piles of trash bags.  It just ruins everything … but DSS  just doesn’t care.  It’s too much trouble to get any trash that he doesn’t practically trip over. 

When DH bought the “stupidboat” (and that’s exactly how I’ve always thought of it), he also bought some fiberglass to refinish it.  He got a really good deal at the time, so rented a storage unit to keep it n.  Thanks to the arsonist last fall, the boat no longer exists.  And the stuff is now so old, it may or may not be any good.  But the unit keeps being rented right along.  I think DSS/TGF have added things, a lot from the shop while it’s being repaired.  But .. it’s still in DH’s name, and I agreed to continue to pay the rent for 6 months (after the fire).  This is the 6^th month.  I gave TGF the $$ to pay it at the beginning of the month.  But in the mail is a postcard reminder of rent due.  That just makes me furious.  I’m going to call the place, and tell them  DH is no longer responsible for that unit.  If that’s not “good enough” (they’re exceptionally nice, but do have to run a business), then I will tell them they are welcome to cut the lock off and put their own on it, and hold it hostage until DSS pays the rent … or get rid of it’s contents in any way they see fit.  I’m sick of being responsible for someone else’s problems.

On to of everything else, I’m very concerned about someone I love dearly, and have not heard from with an update.  I worry.  It’s what I do.

It will soon be time for DH’s morning pills.  After that, I’m going to try very hard to get a nap before getting a shower and starting the day.  I know I will need to come up with a new “routine” to accommodate the schedule change.  But it won’t happen today.