Day 257
Tuesday February 4 2014
Physical:
DH ended up staying in bed all day. It wasn’t really because he wanted to; but at
least he didn’t get angry or insistant about getting up. It started out because I thought the CAN was
coming early. She ended up later than
expected, and between us we convinced him to just stay put. He did have very nearly the warmest place in
the house! I turned on his TV, and he
alternated watching it and napping the rest of the afternoon. He still didn’t have any trouble getting to
sleep; and slept pretty well for most of
the night. In the early morning he
started having a bit of off and on coughing.
When I checked on him around 7:00 this morning (Wednesday), I had to
clean him a bit and change him. He was
complaining about his stomach hurting (other than the hernia that hurts when he
coughs). I wonder if he might be a
little constipated (at times he’s having a hard time accepting not being able
to sit on the commode; at other times he doesn’t seem to know the
difference). The trouble is, he has “gone”
a little; and he eats so little any more .. so hard to tell what his body
actually needs. Hopefully this is a
nurse day and I can ask her.
He did eat part of a sandwich; and turned down Cheetoes,
which are usually his favorite snack. He
did eat a bowl of chili.
People:
As I said the CAN came much later than expected. My SIL called (been wondering why I hadn’t
heard from her). She spent a week with
her daughter, and has been sick. So, she
won’t be coming around until she’s completely sure she isn’t contagious. She did agree that as soon as she’s better,
hopefully by next week, she will contact the dialysis nurse about training on
the dialysis set up.
Emotions:
We’re in a spell of gray and chilly days, and that gives me a
very hard time. Today (Wednesday) is
*supposed* to be better by the afternoon.
But it’s hard for me to cope when the house is dark. Plus, there’s a dead mouse somewhere in the
den. I can hardly bear to be in there,
and I have no way of detecting exactly where it is. Last night I slept most of the night in a
recliner in the living room … not quite as comfy as *my* chair, but I
slept. But then I woke up around 3:00
AM. I changed places 3 times trying to
find a place to be comfortable. I
managed about 2 more hours of sleep, but
it was broken .. so I feel a bit groggy now.
I find silly little things can upset me; but in general I’m holding up
OK. What I am though is tired of people
telling me how “wonderful” I am for all I do for DH. No, I am NOT “wonderful”. I’m playing the hand I was dealt. I didn’t ask for this – but neither did
he. I’m not cheerful or optimistic most
of the time. When people ask how I’m
doing, I say “fine” (usually) because that’s what they really want to
hear. That way I don’t make them feel
guilty either for not doing something to “help” (not that there’s really much
most of them cold do); or because their life is so much better.
It’s 9 days now to my break.
All of next week I will be busy, making sure the house is clean and
things are as organized as I can manage before just leaving someone else to
deal with everything. But this week,
other than just routine cleaning, I have very little planned. I have a few small projects .. that I’m
having a hard time ushing myself to do.
Some days it feels like I stay busy all day, and yet at the end of the
day have almost nothing to show for it.
The weather is making me nervous too. I know, there’s nothing that can be done
about it of course. But it’s been a
horrible winter so far. Most of it has
not in NC; but awfully close. And it
just doesn’t end – they’re calling for wave after wave of “systems”.
I got up very early since I never know when the nurse will
show up Naturally, if I’m “ready”, she
doesn’t get here early. I know I’m not
doing anything now; and it’s not like I’m going anywhere today. But it’s still annoying and frustrating to
not have any idea at all when someone is going to show up. I really need to push myself to just pretend
no one is coming and do whatever I need to do.
Perhaps it’s time to clean another closet.
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