Day 255

Day 255

Sunday February 2 2014

Physical:

This was a bit of a quiet day for DH.  He seemed content to lay in bed until into the afternoon.  When DSS got here, DH said he thought it would be polite to get up and keep him company.

He ate a sausage biscuit (actually before he got up).  Late in the afternoon he ate a small pork chop, plus some chips and dip (hamburger & cheese) .. so really didn’t want any “supper”.  I persuaded him to eat a pot pie later.

He’s been coughing more, so not sleeping as well.  This morning he told me he hadn’t slept most of the night (I think he slept more than he thinks .. but he did cough a lot, and did not snore as much as usual).  He said he’d been dreaming off and on, and was thinking about dying.  He said his doctor had told him he is dying.  It was a very odd conversation, especially since his moments of “clarity” are so rare any more.

People:

TGF took me to the pharmacy and grocery as usual.  I needed to try to get most of 3 weeks worth, and yet hurry .. but we managed pretty well; and I don’t *think* I forgot anything.

DSS was here with DH, but was in a hurry to leave as soon as we got home (but at least he “fixed” that dratted remote).  TGF cooked some hamburger .. made a dip for her to take to church, and browned hamburger for me.  I was planning to make chili; but since DH’s meals got “off”, I decided to wait, maybe tonight.  She and the boys went to a Super Bowl party at church, so it was an unusually quiet Sunday evening here.

Emotions:

I don’t know how to deal with comments like his this morning.  It’s rare for him to show that degree of “clarity” .. if that’s what it was.  He didn’t seem upset or anything, just sort of matter-of-fact.  So, I tried to respond in kind.

I’m having a bit of an “off” morning, but not sure why.  Maybe it’s just that the beautiful snow is gone and now it’s gray and rainy.  I needed to call the dialysis nurse, and had a very hard and frustrating time just finding that number.   

I think I sort of sabotaged myself.  I have 11 days until my break.  I tried to make a *plan* (which is what I’m best at anyway: making plans.  Not necessarily following through! LOL!) to not only keep myself too busy to get anxious, but make sure the house is decent before I leave.  That worked out well last week, as I got the decorations all packed up.  Next week I’ll do a fairly thorough cleaning.  But this week .. I scheduled “catch up projects”.  That’s much too vague. I know that today whatever happens (CAN and supply delivery) won’t be until mid day to early afternoon.  It’s not that I don’t have anything to do .. it’s tht I don’t have anything that Must be done today except some phone calls (which I hate!).

I just feel vaguely at loose ends this morning.  I don’t know why, but I know it’s not a good thing for me.  I need to find something *constructive* to do