Day 20

Day 20

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

I started out the day nervous but hopeful that all the legal junk could be taken care of.  I was, of course, disappointed.  Well, I suppose I have actually done what I could at this point, but it left me feeling worried and  frustrated.

To start with we went to ick up the certificates.  The lady in the office (who was an elderly lady and only “helping out”, wife of one of the owners) didn’t know anything about the computer, so told me to call the Newton Grove office to find out my balance.  She could write me a receipt if I endorsed over a check.  Yeah, that made me feel secure. Not.  But I gave her one of the 2 I had, I felt like I really needed to make some payment. 

Next DSS took me to the bank, but didn’t bother to go in with me.  I asked to access my SDbox  .. and as soon as the lady pulled the paperwork, she started saying we had never filled out new signature cards when the bank changed ownership … yeaers ago!  I have been to the box within that time .. they didn’t mention it then.  And yet now she was saying they needed DH’s signature!  When I explained he was deceased, it completely baffled her, she had no clue what to do then.  So I said how about we just close the box.  Geez, why does everything have to be so complicated???  I still had to sign in 3 different places!  So I got all my paperwork out of the box (DH’s will, a no longer needed PoA, and a handful of birth and marriage certificates.

Then we went to the courthouse in Smithfield.  It was a little frustrating figuring out where to go.  We walked into the door marked “Clerk of Court”. Someone way back at a desk calls out can they help us.  DSS said it was about his father’s death, and that person started trying to tell us to go to the Register of Deeds.  I said no, I have the DCs, I was told to come here.  So then she says “oh you want estates” and directed us through another door (actually into the same big room!!) where we were told to sit and wait.  It wasn’t very long, and the lady who finally helped us was nice.  But things did not turn out the way I thought.  For one thing, on the phone I had been told I needed a copy of DH’s bank statement; but the bank refused to give me one (and there is a long, complicated, and largely irrelevant history to there not being a statement).   I was trying to explain this; and the lady said that my particular bank was not overly cooperative with them (she said it was because their home office is in a different state, and so even though they send paperwork according to NC laws, the bank often rejects them because they don’t comply with lasws from their home state.  DSS has another opinion on that altogether, but since he hates everyone in any kind of authority, I tend to disregard his theory!).  After nearly panicing, she says all she needs is his account number.  Really???  No one could have told me THAT on the original phone call???  Fortunately, I had a paer with all of the bank account numbers (although it took some frantic searching through my wallet – made more frantic by the fact that I can’t actually tell what any of the things I pulled out were).  She filled out a whole bunch of stuff on her computer; I had to sign 3 different forms; and I had to pay $10.  And I was told that they would send forms to the bank, the bank will send them the funds from that account, and the court will send me a check.  Eventually.

I left there frustrated and disappointed.

We went back to Benson.  I made a quick grocery store stop (also interesting .. haven’t been in a store by myself in a very long time.  I only wanted a few more frozen dinners, so just had to pick some at random.  I have no idea what I got.  I ate one last night – I still have no idea what it was!).  Then I went by the bank and deposited the other check I had.  We went by DSS’s house to pick up some things (cat food) that had been left in the car Sunday (he drove me in his truck), then he took me on home.  I was home (and starving!) by 1:00.

I hope no one will be upset with how I am juggling things, but right now I don’t feel like I have a lot of choice.  On Friday, on our way to New Bern, I will stop and draw enough from the ATM and go by and pay the rent (for April)  As soon as I get home from NB (will be there about 9 days), I will get DIL to take me to the FH (and that does NOT mean “fun house”), and I will pay the rest of the amount from the check I deposited; and as soon as I get the check clearing out DH’s account, I will take that money to the FH.  At that point, as things stand now, I *think* I will still owe them $800.  But like I said, I haven’t been able to get a current balance from them.

I’m not very happy with how everything is set up right now, but I’m doing the best I can. 

During the afternoon I got very little done.  I had thought I would feel relieved and relaxed .. instead I just felt anxious and restless.

In the early evening a friend called and talked for close to an hour.  That was fine, it wa nice .. up until I was told I have no common sense.  That really hurt my feelings.   Here’s the thing:  for many years I’ve had to be the one to handle all the bills.  For over a year I’ve had DH’s wallet, so he hasn’t even had access to the bank cards.  So there’s really no possible way he has some outstanding account.  And if there’s something out  there more than several years old that hasn’t been sending any sort of statements or anything .. well, they’re out of luck because there isn’t any money.

Nevertheless.  No one .. not the funeral director, not the bank manager, not the clerk of court … said anything about I should put an ad in the papers saying he was deceased and if anyone thought he owed them something they needed to speak up now.  And yet, I was told, I should have done that, that it was just common sense that I should have known to do it.

I am SO tired of people telling me .. particularly after the fact .. that I “should hae known” this or that.  Exactly HOW should I have known?  It’s not like I’ve been through this experience before.

And to top off my evening, one of the outside cats got in.  That was my fault, and I guess the only solution is I have to stop feeding them too.  I don’t want to .. as long as they’re outside, they’re nice and friendly (and the littlest one really really wants to be an inside cat).  But in order to let them eat and the dogs not steal their food, I resorted to letting them in the back hall.  It’s only a very small area.  They dash in, eat, dash out (well, actually, they dash at the door until I open it!).  But yesterday I wasn’t careful going in the hall from the den to let them back ouside, and one of the cats darted past me.  And since I can’t see well, the cat is somewhere in the house!  My cats know he/she is in, but there have been no gights.  However, at one point the cat got into the bathroom, and I thought I could catch it.  Big mistake.  HUGE mistake.  That cat did not want to be caught, and it was frantic to get out.  It got up on the vanity, and was trying to get “through” the mirror … and in the process, was knocking everything over on the top!!!  And a lot of that is glass.  I totally panicked, but the cat finally got off there, and out of the bathroom.  It’s still in the house .. waiting for someone to get here (DIL and TGF both supposed to come today) that can set the trap to try to catch the cat and take it back outside.

After cleaning up the mess on the bathroom counter, turned out there was actually only one casualty.  I had a fragile little glass jar (originally a potpourri jar) that I kept hair pins in.  I think I found all of the shattered pieces of glass .. but there again, will have to wait for someone who can see to be sure.

All the cats settled down for the night.  Although I heard the stray crying a few times in the middle of the night, there were no more “incidents”.

Now I have to get showered and dressed.  DIL (unless she has a bad day) is supposed to come today with her 2 kids, and tomorrow we’ll go back to NB for a week.  TGF said she’ll come this morning with the little boys to clean some of the mess out of the yard (sometimes whining about things enough pays off!!).  I’m not sure how much I can help, but I can sweep and I can hold trash bags. 

I sure hope at least some things get accomplished today to help reduce my anxiety level.