Day 17

Day 17

Sunday, April 13, 2014

I can’t seem to keep track of what the date is any more!    But I do know .. well pretty sure … yesterday was Sunday.

It was a fairly good day for a change.  I had fewer “sadness attacks”, although they are still (and probably will be for a long time) unpredictable.

I managed to get some of the chaos contained and somewhat organized.  The general mess scattered all over the house was making me very anxious.  Several areas that I have requested help with sorting out are now (mostly) contained in one spot.  I’m sure I will continue to find things in unexpected places!

With the help of good advice, cooling down time, and hearing a “correction” has helped me get past my anger about *plans* for my future.  Among other things, it seems a statement made to me by TM was blatantly opposite of what had been said to her.  I will not dwell on it any more, enough to say that particular move is Highly unlikely to ever happen!!

For now, I at least have an idea of a plan that might help me make it through the next 4 months (after which time, I have confirmed that some promised extra income is still “on”.  Not “safe” to plan on things like that, but right now I have no choice, and the “party involved” is aware of that).  I really have no idea if my idea will work or not, I will figure out something else.  It’s a bit infuriating to be in this position.  I should have had a “safety net”.  But years of hospital and other medical expenses, plus “needy children”, sucked me dry.  I resent it, but I can’t change it.  I have to learn to deal with things as they are.

Today .. sometime in the next 3 hours .. the last of the dialysis supplies will be picked up.  That will be hard … even though I’ve not had to “do” the dialysis for over 2 weeks, the machine and a hall full of boxes has been part of my life for 2 ½ years.  I don’t know why, but having that stuff leave just *feels* more final than when the hearse left (because I didn’t have to actually see DH leave).

A lot of the chaos I “organized” is now in disarray again.  DSS has been more help than I thought.  But.  There is a huge amount of “stuff” that needs to be gone through … apparently he only glanced in various boxes, decided he wasn’t interested, and pput it aside as “junk”.  I can’t count on TGF to help with any of that.  So I will have to wait and see who will find time to help a bit here and there.  My DIL and 2 grands will be here Thursday.  She might be able to help (the kids have an “assigned project”), but I don’t know how much “legal” stuff I’ll have by then that I’ll need her help with.  It is just MEGA frustrating to have such limited vision  (and yet not be considered “legally blind”, so I don’t have access to services I might otherwise have).  Ihave come up with a “trick” that sometimes helps with mail.  I can take a picture, download it, and then enlarge.  The trouble is, it’s very hard to find just the right distance so that when I enlarge the  picture it’s still legible (often blurs out too much).  And it’s even more frustrating to get it “just right” and discover I’ve photographed it upsidedown! 

The weather coming up this week is not working in my favor!  Some of the bonus grands are supposed to come do some yard cleaning … but with storms predicted, ppossibly as early as this afternoon … there’s a good chance it won’t happen.  I’m still waiting for certificates (if not in today’s mail, will have to figure out who to call to find out where they are).  If they don’t come within the next few days, I’ll have to postpone (or even miss) the trip to NB, because the legal stuff has to get taken care of soonest. 

The supply truck could be here any time in the next 3 hours, so I need to get off here before I start getting myself weepy again.  It’s too early to start making calls; surely I can find something to do!