Day 137

(Monday and) Tuesday October 8, 2013
Physical:
Sometimes it's hard to separate actual physical changes from chemical effects.  Meaning, stopping Paxil; and running out of sleeping pills.  I do notice he seems to be coughing a lot more; and that is obviously disturbing his sleep.  Monday was a fairly good, normal day.  Tuesday he wanted to stay in bed and nap after his bath, and he never got back up.  He dozed late into the day and the hosue was chilly.  I did sit the bed up, brought him dinner (skipped lunch), and turned on TV for awhile (while I set up the dialysis).  So, not really surprising he didn't sleep all that well.  When I got up to check on him - several times when he had the bed creaking a lot (think it needs some WEro!!!) - he was not disoriented; or at least not drastically.  It's very confusing how the different symptoms come and go - and as I said to start, how much is disease progression and how much is chemical intervention (or lack of):
People:
The aide comes every week day now.  She no longer calls ahead; but the time frame is fairly consistant, so it's OK.  DSS was here Monday when he dropped off one of the bonus brats (claimed he was sick; TGF never takes off work, always gets someone else to deal with her kids).  She picked the kid up later.  He was annoying, but not "bad".  It just annoys me for kids to get by with what was essentially hooky.  DSS didn't call Tuesday.  I guess he's too stressed out by his own situation right now.
Emotions:
I am being bombaarded with too many situations and it's making me crazy.  DH had yet another weepy spell, though I was able to get him past it by launching into a very involved tangled (and mostlyy fabricated) explanation of what was causing it.  I'm very concerned about DSS and TGF and their situation; but I've already put myself in jeopardy helping them, so nothing more I can do.  And now this government (insert filthy word).  During the news last night, it suddenly hit me that at the rate they're going, we could well be next on the list of those with no income.  And one man has the power to cause all this???  What's wrong with that picture????At this point it no longer matters whether his point of view is right or wrong.  He's holding the entire country hostage to HIS opinion.  Yes, I'm very scared.   I know we could squeak by for a month or two (though it would mean a very lean Christmas; but we've had those before).  But how long?  And why should we?  
Without the sleeping pills (and we were just getting to a fairly workable routine), I don't get to sleep through the night.  If I can get at least 5, preferably 6 hours of sleep, I can manage (but will still fizzle by late afternoon).  But up and down makes it really hard.  And right now the house is chilly.  We have warm clothes and plenty of blankets and quilts .. but that doesn't help me when I have to get up and walk through a chilly house in the middle of the night!
I have always had S.A.D., so this rainy spell isn't helping either.  When it's gray and wet out, even turning on all the lamps inside doesn't help.  It also doesn't help that my vision is permanently blurred and faded (can only detect bright colors now - and the pale blue on the computer screen and the cycler machine are nearly impossible to read, which makes me frantic at times).
The alarm went off (he rolled over and pinched the drain tube), but disrupted my train of thought.  It's time to start this new day anyway.