Day 7

One NEW Day At A Time

Day 7

Frisday, August 29, 2014

Yesterday was not a very good day.  I won’t bother to go into details .. they’re mostly irrelevant.  Apparently the main *problem* is that even though it’s been only a few months since I lost my husband (and despite what people seem to think, I miss him an awful lot), and I’m losing my vision which is frustrating beyond anything I can describe; and despit that I’ve had to give up my home, well over half of MY things, even one of my cats … still, other people are allowed to say and do and act in any way they choose and I am the one expected to NOT react.  And I’m just not capable of doing that all the time.  It’s really hard that I’m not allowed to have sad or weepy spells (no matter what the provocation) without someone getting all pissy with me and demanding to know “what’s wrong with you”.  (and just for the record .. there is more than one person who has done that but I will not say any more about it).

I didn’t sleep well that night, so was feeling tired and grumpy to start with.  However, I did get up and work on some of the things I needed to get done, especially in the kitchen.  I guess it was all a wasted effort, because last night I was told “we” have too much stuff and I have to put some of it in storage. I knew that, but it’s hard being told that MY stuff is too much and in the way when after 2 weeks DN hasn’t bothered to unpack her own stuff.  But like I said, I knew I’m the one being expected to give up everything.

Later in the afternoon we walked to the bank to check on my account.  The gentleman we talked to was very nice; and said there is no problem whatsoever.  So, clearly, the “link” is broken.  (Since DIL wa able to access it, I asked her to send me the link she used … got it this morning, and it works fine).  Then we walked to DN’s bank to set up a joint account.  The account is partly set up, but waiting for me to get an updated photo ID. That is scheduled for next week.  Everyone has been hinting (some harder than others) that I should just change banks.  While I will admit that DN’s bank has some advantages … I’ve been with mine more than 30 years and see no reason to change.  I have 3 accounts (have had as many as 6 in the past) .. one is shared with DGS15.  Also, my SS and my insurance payments are all automatic and I really don’t want to have to go through that hassle again, especially now that it’s so much harder to see what I’m doing.  Once the new account is set up, it will be possible for me to do a transfer on line and not even have to write checks.  DN doesn’t seem to want me to do that, but I’m really not sure why.    But in the end, as long as she gets the money, there’s no reason to dictate how I get it to her.

We went by a “thrift store” … a bit disappointing to me.  It was predominantly high end clothes.  I don’t need anything, and it wasn’t much fun to look without being able to read sizes; and DN was only interested in books.

After that we stopped by the pharmacy and I let them know I need to renew my eye drops.  I can pick them up Sunday (earliest the insurance will cover .. even though one has run out.  I don’t even use it the number of times I’m supposed to, and it still will not last a full month!). 

After we got back here, after resting (by then it was Very hot; but no point turning on the a/c), I got back to working on boxes while DN cooked dinner.  I have a few things repacked to take back to storage; by next weekend there will be more … I guess I’ll ask DN’s boyfriend (BF) to take me then.

By 10:00 I was exhausted.  I had no trouble going to sleep, but woke up around 3:00 to pouring rain!  I got up and closed some of the windows.  I went back to sleep, and didn’t get up until about 7:00 … so I feel like I’m running late!  DN has a friend coming by to bring her some casseroles (a gift to “help out” since DN is currently job hunting).  Beyond that neither of us know what will happen when today.  I need to go on and get a shower and be ready for whatever.    I’ve done most of the dishes (one pan had to soak awhile); and I need to go pull out most of my thngs to send back to storage.  Yes, a little note of bitterness here.  Even though I’ve run a household longer than DN has been alive, and had a houseful of males at one time or another to feed and clean up after … suddenly I’m being treated like I know nothing whatsoever about a kitchen,  and everything I have been using for years is worthless like me.  I’m losing my vision … everything, not just the kitchen, is a struggle.  But I’m NOT stupid or incompetent or brain dead.  But, it just doesn’t matter any more.  I’ll get rid of my nice things and we will only use what she says we must use. 

This will not last forever.  And I cling to the thought that eventually when she gets married, I will find a new flat mate and be able to get my things out of storage!  (and I know some of them are easily replaceable … but I have  storage for things that are not easily replaceable, so why replace things if I don’t have to?).

Time to get in the shower and see what this day has in store.