Day 127

Day 127

Friday August 1, 2014

I actually slept a lot better than I have lately, though I have no clue what was different.  I woke once a bit after 4:00, but was able to go right back to sleep.  I didn’t wake again until nearly 7:00.  Perhaps some of it was because it didn’t get “light” when it usually does.  It’s very gloomy and rainy; but very cool.

DIL was not able to come yesterday.  She is having health problems.  I hope she’s able to come today, but I’ll just have to wait and see.  It’s very discouraging; there are so many things she seems to be the only one willing to take the time to help me with.  I’m close to panic.  Obviously if I had known years ago that bymy late 60s I’d find myself a widow with rapidly failing vision, I might have done a better job of organizing and packing paperwork, and possibly have kept less.  But 20/20 hindsight does nothing to help me now.  Plus, there are errands that need to be done, and TGF just does not have time. 

TGF told me, last thing when she left Thursday, that she would bring BGS16 over yesterday to help get pictures down (because he’s tall).  They did not come, or call, or anything.  So today I guess I will try to do it myself.  I got them up by myself, logically I should be able to take them down. 

I have most of the household cleaners spread out in the laundry room.  I’m trying to sort them and only keep what will be useful.  I can’t tell what everything is, so the things I don’t know about will just all be put in a plastic pan to be given away.  I did try to get TGF to help me figure it out, but she just can’t find time for that (unless it’s when she wants to “shop” at my house).

I did get a fair amount done yesterday.  I shifted things around as much as I could so boxes are les likely to trip me or anyone else in the house.  I got another big box of things packed using bubble wrap.  I started bundling record albums (too heavy to box), but ran out of the twine I was using.  I KNOW there’s a bag with a big roll of string, but I can’t find it.  Just another case where the failing vision is driving me crazy.  Other than the records I’ve got everything off the shelves to the entertainment center … not that it seems to matter, I just can’t find a buyer.  I emptied the cabinet on the bottom of the center section .. and to my horror, I found some electronics that I have no clue what they are; and … **gasp** … more VHS tapes!!!  I strongly suspect I’ll just throw them all in the trash and not even bother to have someone see what they are.  After all, they’ve been “hidden” for years!  But I just don’t know what to do about the electronics.  Plus, there are *things* under where the TV was (it’s already been moved).  I can’t just throw it all in a box to keep; at least one piece needs to be returned when I cancel Dish.  And I don’t want to pack anything that’s useless (broken, obsolete, etc).  Also, DN said for me to grab the cables that went with the TV  … and I have no clue which ones they are!!  It’s like cableghetti in there!

I also finished packing as much as I can of my desk.  I had several drawers (including a plastic 3-drawer cabinet under the desk), with gobs of paperwork.  I hope none of it was important, because I reached the breaking point.  It ALL went in the trash!  I do know a lot of it was left over from my chocolate business.  I don’t know what the rest was.  I found lots of various types of computer paper, which I kept.  It may need to be sorted later.  And I found 5 different containers of printer ink .. and no idea if they are what my current printer needs (and the black is about out).  I will need ink.  DN wants us to use coupons.  I have no problem with that; but apparently she doesn’t have a printer so it will be up to me to provide the paper and ink.  Not sure where the savings are, but we’lltry anyway.

I don’t know if I got anything else done or not.  One day starts to feel a lot like another.  And all the things I have to just “put aside” because I can’t deal with them alone are starting to really pile up and be in the way.  The things for TGF  are not terribly in the way, but still here (because she can’t get in her classroom yet .. and only has one week left).  All of the books are hugely in the way.  I called the library to see if they take donations, and was told yes.  But TGF said when she took a load of books before they told her not to bring a load like that in again .. and I have many more this time.  Perhaps they will all just get donated to the ReStore. 

I wish more than I could say I could just find buyers for some of this stuff.  If I could selel the entertainment center, the freezer, and maybe even (to much sadness) my kitchen table & chairs .. that would be enough to cover projected expenses (including finishing paying off the funeral home), and I would willingly donate all of the “yardsale” stuff and the books and the cameras (which despite her taking pictures of them all, TGF never bothered to list on ebay) and just have it all picked up.  I’ve even started venturing upstairs a little.  Much as it pains me, I’ve pretty much made up my mind what to keep, and I will let go of many Christmas trees.  If I have time, I will go through boxes; but they would take less space than the trees in a storage unit. 

And though it totally breaks my heart, I’m beginning to wonder if I need to sell the antique dresser.  It’s not “just” an old dresser.  It’s personal.  It was our great-aunt’s.  But it’s huge and heavy, and no one in the family seems to be at all interested.  I can’t move it to the apartment, it just takes way more space than is justified.  I keep thinking I’m keeping it for my grandchildren to someday have … but will they?   Old stuff just doesn’t seem to matter to them.  I also have doubts that if I try to sell it I’d actually get a fair price at this point.  Much as I’ve resisted the idea, I may have to check into a consignment store.  But I still need to sell something now!!  And I desperately want to do that before I’m stuck having a yardsale!!

I guess I’ve done enough whining for one morning.    It’s the weather.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  But I really don’t know what to try to tackle today.  I have to completely reorganize my thinking … I was looking forward to getting this computer to the shop and getting other things done.  I don’t know what, if anything will happen; and I have no clue how or when I’ll be able to do the things that NEED to get done (like getting to the bank, or signing the lease).  I do have to get those pictures down.  And I need to take the time to go back through a zillion framed photos.  I will only have space for just so many, so I have to make up my mind.  I don’t think anyone wants any of the “extra” ones, because they’re most likely ones everyone else already has.  So I will pack up a large percentage of them .. after I decide what goes where.  Then I have other pictures to deal with.  I have tons of loose photograhs.  What in the world do I do with those?  I can’t see them, and no one has time to go through them all.  It seems bordering on criminal .. actually painful … to just throw them all away.  But in the end, what choice do I have?  And then there are all the albums. DSS says he likes looking at those old albums .. but he can’t find time to come here at all any more.  Not even for the books he told me he was going to get.  I may send the albums to DS’s house to sort first, and then pass them on to DSS (the reason for that is that some of the older ones are family albums from prior to DSS being family). 

For some reason those stray dogs are hanging around my porch this morning.  I haven’t even seen any sign of them for many weeks .. but I’ve had to go scream at them to run them off twice already. I can’t imagine what has drawn them back now (no cat food out there).  But I guess it’s time to go on and get showered and then try to find something (sorting pictures!!) to accomplish today.

Additional note:
DIL *might* come by afternoon, but I doubt it.  She's having too many health issues right now.  This is not something she has any control about, I understand that.  But I feel totally screwed.  She's the only one who's willing to spend time helping me with computer stuff, paperwork, and taking me to some of the places I need to get to.  I'm thinking maybe the whole move was a bad idea after all.  I should just stay here, live in the dark and eat cat food.  I'm Really mega depressed right now.  I have 22 days to "moving day", many thngs that MUST be done, and cannot get them done.  Some days it just doesn't seem worth while to bother to wake up.