Sunday, August 3, 2014

Day 128

Day 128

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Yesterday was a very difficult day.  I spent most of the day feeling sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, and even (at times) abandoned.  My DIL was unable to come, as she was (is) not well enough.  (I am NOT mad at her; in fact, I’m not mad at anyone – except maybe myself).  But the end result is that I was alone and unable to do things I had counted on getting done.  I’m starting to wonder if this whole move was a mistake after all.  I should just stay here, sitting in the dark to keep the electric bill down, shivering or sweating to try to use less gas or electric, and eating ct food with Maggie because I can’t afford  anything else (and if I could someone else would “shop” my pantry or freezer).
There are a lot of things here at the house, ranging from helping look up websites to get information and phone numbers (to reserve a trailer and a storage unit) to helping me read labels on cleaning supplies to tell what it makes sense to take with me (even though apparently *some* people think I won’t need dish soap, since that’s what they consider “surplus” cleaners that it’s all right to ask for). 
And there are so many things that MUST be taken care of that require someone taking me somewhere .. like taking a check to DN, signing my lease, going to the bank, putting in a change of address, getting massive amounts of books (and cameras) donated either to the library or the habitat store.    I really am on the edge of panic now.  DIL is sick and can’t get here … since she was unable to come Friday or yesterday (and my impression was she’ll only come on a weekend), I have no idea when or even if she’ll be able to come help me with anything.  And TGF only has this coming week until school starts for her; and one day is to take me to my last doctor appointment in Durham.  She seems to find it very hard to find more than just a few hours in the afternoon (contrary to what she promised a few months back), and I just don’t know how anything is going to get done.  My SIL has also offered to help … but she is also unreliable, as she will often say she’ll call or come over and then I don’t see or hear from her for over a week.  And her latest idea on “helping” is that she wants to come here and bring all the boxes down from the attic and make me go through them.  Yeah, that’s just what I need, to stop cleaning and packing everything else and find room for more stuff downstairs. 
If would help enormously if all this yardsale stuff were out of the way.  Singing a song that is old and boring now, I wish I could sell some of the extra things I have here (especially that dratted entertainment center) so I could just call the ReStore and have them pick it all up.  I’m always being told how successful *other* people are at selling things on line (Craigs List or yardsale sites) … but I have been spectacularly unsuccessful.  I’m finding more and more I hate the thought of doing another yardsale … there’s way too much stuff here now … but TGF seems to be adamant that we will do that .. and when it’s over, then I will give away everything.  Somehow, being told I will give away all my stuff that doesn’t sell feels more offensive than just calling MY choice of charity up front (the ReStore doesn’t have drivers on weekends .. and the local mission store  might turn us down because I have so much junk now, no clothes, it would nearly fill their store!).  And that’s not counting the books and cameras.

Yesterday I decided I had run out of time to deal with paper stuff. I went through 4 large plastic tubs, and reduced it to a half a tub I still need help with, a small pile of keepsakes, and 4 trash bags to go.  I kept old bank statements until someone can help me read the dates (won’t keep anything more than 2 or 3 years old), and will just have to take time to shred the rest.  I didn’t bother shredding anything else.  It’s all too old anyway.  I hope I didn’t toss anything important .. but it just could keep waiting.  Today I hope to go through several more smaller boxes; they will be more recent, so harder to ssort.  Hopefully at the very least I can get it down to only one large tub to be sorted eventually.
Since TGF did not bring BGS16 by to help with the pictures .. and in fact, hasn’t bothered to even get in touch for 2 days .. I will get them down myself.  I got them up, I can get them down.  That probably means I’ll have to move DSS’s old a/c again … that has been in my way for years and he keeps promising but it never gets moved.  Now TGF has got it firmly into her head to buy a house, and she wants everything that should be going to their house to just stay here until she gets her house.  Never mind that *I* am trying to move .. in only 20 days … and I’m getting no actual help with packing, while there are minimum 5 of them to move, and a much shorter distance.  She frequently says to me “don’t worry we’ll get it all done” .. but there’s no “we”!!  Then she tells me she can’t sleep at night for starting to worry about how much there is to do .. only then she sleeps half the day …  and still isn’t actually doing anything to help.
I didn’t mean to get off on another whining spree.  I’m just so very frustrated.  I’m visualizing walking away from this house and leaving things behind.  The landlord hasn’t bothered to contact me about my asking him if someone else can move right in (willing to take it “as is”).  Because school is starting so soon, he will have to make other arrangements; and that means he won’t be buying my freezer, so one more thing to have to advertise.  He would love to buy the washer and dryer too, but TGF might want them (and yes, I’m being STUPID, don’t bother to tell me what *you* would do, like it or not she’s still family regardless of what anyone thinks) … only a friend might give her a set and then I can sell mine.  OK, I really can see that she can’t ask her friend if she’s going to actually give her the washer and dryer .. that would be tacky.  Meantime, the guy may have to just go on and find ones he can buy now. 
The thing is, I’mjust so frustrated with so many things up in the air and not settled, and I can’t do anything about it.  I want to just sell the stuff I’m not keeping and know I have the funds needed.  I want to call ReStore and have them pick up all the yardsale stuff, the smaller pieces of furniture I don’t need, the books, even the cameras.

Yesterday I discovered there’s some more glassware in a cabinet over the stove .. I had forgotten all about it.  So I’ve got to try to get it down, sorted, decide what to do with it.  I haven’t gotten the good china down yet; but because I got rid of cabinets, I have no places to put things.  So there’s no counter space to safely take down the china.  Plus DIL was going to bring some special padded storage bags for the china.  I have no idea if she’ll ever be able to come, so I guess I need to just go on and use bubble wrap.  I don’t know if I can reach the glassware, but I have to try .. or else leave it behind.  The lady who helped me clean and organize the cabinets a few years ago is very tall … it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t be able to reach it when needed!


I slept later again this morning.  I suppose a combination of taking Aleve for aching feet and head, super tired eyes, and a cool rainy night and morning helped!  But, now the day is moving on.  I need to get showered and dressed, feed the cats, and push myself to start on today’s list.  I want to sort through those last boxes of papers .. even if all I can do is combine them into the one big box; I want to get all the rest of the pictures off the walls; I want to finish sorting the things off the walls into “take” and “store”.  I want to try to get that last bit of glassware down and sorted.  I might also try to deal with the cleaners … and just throw away what I’m not sure of.  I’m pretty sure I’ve got at least 3 partial bottles of glass cleaner … they can be combined.   And I think there are 2 partial bottles of Mop N Glo, which can also be combined (I may be wishing I hadn’t packed funnels! LOL)
Later today I will send a list of names to DIL, and she will look up email addresses for me (she can access my Hotmail that I can’t).  At least I can then contact people who might be wondering what happened to me.  I really hate gmail. L  I can’t enlarge it (I can enlarge the screen, but it won’t scroll so all that happens is everything disappears of the edges).  A lot of the printing is in light blue which is extremely hard for me to see.   I can’t navigate what I can’t see.  The only buttons I have “learned” are the new message one (I can send email if I know the address, but can’t reply), the archive button (where I send everything because if there’s more than one message in the inbox I have a hard time clicking on the right one) and the trash button

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