Day 84

Day 84

Friday, June 20, 2014

Moving is stressful.  There’s just no way around that.  I wonder how my parents were able to make the decision to move to a much smaller place and walk away from so much.  But then, they were never alone.  And there were 4 of us at various times helping.  And they weren’t really disabled in any way at that time.  So I wonder how much of the difficulty in letting go is a matter of “control”.  I have no control over my failing vision … so I hold on tighter to what I don’t want to let go of.  I’m doing better than I thought .. but it’s not enough, and it’s SO hard.  And trying to do most of it alone is hard too. 

TGF has helped tremendously with the yardsale.  She pushed me into doing it to start with; and it was a good way to get a lot of “excess” stuff out the door quickly.  Except for one large item, anything not sold will be given to the mission store in town.  It won’t come back here … so it’s all stuff I’ve dealt with.

I am left confused this morning though.  TGF emailed last night that putting out more stuff today might be good since he (DGS15 in charge, and is making a 15% commission) sold so much.  But then she never got back to me, so I don’t know if she (or anyone) is actually coming here this morning to pick up any additional stuff I found to contribute.  If no one does, I guess I’ve boxed up additional things to be taken to the ReStore (if I have to actually take it somewhere, I get to chose the recipient).  It feels like wasting boxes to  just be packing things up to get rid of.

Yesterday morning I managed to get 2 loads of laundry done, and flush out the fish pond, along with my usual morning stuff before I stopped to have visitors.  My friend came for a short visit; and with all I have to get done, not very likely I’ll see her again.  She says she won’t come visit the apartment.  She goes a lot farther than that (with someone driving) … so I think she’s just unhappy with my decision and therefore writing me off.  It makes me sad that she *says* she’s happy for me … but mostly all she does is criticize and question anything I do.  I have to just shake it off.  I have way too much stress in my life to have to deal with someone who is so negative. 

In the afternoon TGF came and got me.  We went into town to see how the yardsale was going (DGS15 is a natural born salesman!).  Then she took me by the grocery store.  Funny story about that:  I had said I really wanted some fried chicken (many cooking shows this week, and too hot to do it at home).  The deli didn’t have any, so after getting groceries she went to a different store.  She needed to leave the a/c running because of frozen stuff in the car, so I went in alone.  While in there, I happened across TGF’s BFF.  When I got back to the car (successfully!), I found out that the friend had “told off” TGF, asking her what part of sending “the blind lady into the store alone” was a good idea?    Any other time she would not have done that, so to me it was very funny. 

Not so funny I also had to put gas in the car.  We’ve talked about that … still don’t know what to do.  And I just can’t worry about it now.

After I got home, and rested up a bit, I started checking to see what I can do in this room.  I seem to be flitting from one room to another … seems less overwhelming that way.

During the evening I did pull more things out; but since I never heard back from TGF, I don’t know if someone is going to come pick anything up this morning or not.  It stormed a lot over night … not sure how things were left in town, but the boys (DGS15 and his friend) were going to “camp out” on the porch of the house they were in front of to prevent looting.  So I am sure if they got the same storm, they could pull things out of the weather or cover them.  But I still don’t know what to expect this morning. 

I also don’t know if my SIL will come over.  She said she would, but she often forgets.  I suggested she not come until her husband can come too, and help get some things she wants.  Well, plenty of time for that.

Sometime later today my niece is coming.  It may be her last chance to *visit* with me instead of living with me! LOL!    I know a lot of people are a bit skeptical about this arrangement.  But it’s to both of our advantages to work at making it a successful venture. 

Again last night, I couldn’t stay awake.  It’s getting very frustrating.  I even sat in a “straight” chair instead of my comfy recliner to watch a show … and still slept through most of it.  Once I settled in my chair .. slept completely through the news again.  But when I woke up (to Letterman Again), I just left the TV on.  Sometime hours later Butter woke me when he jumped out of my lap .. I think thunder startled him.  There was quite a storm … and the TV reception was gone (which I guess is how I slept through it .. nothing on!).  So, turned it off and went back to sleep.  And woke up at 4:30!!!  I just hate waking so early.  It makes the day so very long and tiring.  And no wonder I can’t stay awake at night.  If I could nap in the daytime it would help; but I’ve never been very good at that.  I do doze off a lot just sitting in front of the TV; but it’s not really “sleep”, because I stay somewhat aware of anything going on around me, and wake quite easily (as opposed to my falling asleep during a program at night). 

It’s still ridiculously early, but at least there’s now daylight.  It is still that early morning gray, so I can’t even tell yet if it will be clear or overcast.  The forecast for today was for rain; but the last one (that I was able to stay awake for) seemed to indicate more afternoon storms than morning.  I’m really hoping this morning is great for the yardsale.  Not only is it Saturday, but on the news last night it did get a mention.  I’d love to have seen it get more publicity than that, but still it was there.  This year it’s 3 times the size of last year … TGF mentioned that TPTB would like to see it grow to stretch from VA to GA.  As long as it stays on the rural highway, that would be great!  (and I don’t even know why I care, since I’m not likely to ever be able to either participate again or go shopping).  Anyway, since I don’t know what will happen today, or when, I guess I’d best go on and get showered and dressed.  At least then I’m reasonably presentable.