Day 92

Day 92

Saturday, June 28, 2014

This was a fairly busy day.  I got up early, as usual; but went on and got showered and dressed, did dishes, and some general bits and pieces around the house.  I continued with washing up thngs to go to the yardsale too.

DSS and DGS15 came by and picked up (finally) the outside trash cans.  I told DSS to go on and keep the cans.  I won’t be putting anything in them any more since whenever I do it sits there for weeks at a time.  (he completely ignored – or didn’t catch – the sarcasm). 

A bit later TGF came, and took me to town.  We went by the pharmacy, and they took the ughe bag full of old meds that I didn’t know what to do with.  Glad that is taken care of!  Then we went to Wal-Mart.  I got a new litterbox, one with  a cover .. might take awhile to get the cats to accept it.  I got a few groceries; didn’t need a lot. 

When we came back here, TGF rewashed one load of laundry, and took the rest of what was done home with her.  Before she left she help me clean out one small cabinet .. a lot more stuff went into the trash, things that were outdated (left overs from my aborted chocolate career).

After TGF left, I packed up the 2 boxes she had managed to get for me.  I washed up a little bit more stuff, but didn’t really accomplish a lot for the rest of the day.

I woke around 5:00 .. too early, but better than 3:00!!  I went on and got showered so I could do a last load of laundry before leaving later today.  I don’t know when, but DIL will likely let me know when they’re on the way … and I’ll have close to 2 hours from then to finish whatever I need to get done.  As usual, I hate leaving the cats unattended; but I’ll only be gone 2 days.  Maggie will be fine, and hopefully I’ll get Butter to come in and he’ll be fine.  I worry about the outside cats, especially the baby.  There’s not many cats left outside any more .. they have mostly wandered off to hang around somewhere else I guess.   The baby, of course, is here; and mama.  One of the bigger cats seems to still hang around off and on.  I can actually put the dish of cat food on top of the water heater for the bigger cats; but the baby can’t get up there.  I can’t leave food for her anywhere else because those dratted dogs just keep hanging around.

Since this will be a busy week, my posting here will be a bit eratic.  I’ll do it when I can, but not taking the computer with me … have 2 short trips this week. 

Day 91

Day 91

Friday, June 27, 2014

This was not a particularly productive day.  I did work slowly on going through kitchen stuff, washing up things and adding lots of items to the yardsale pile.  Because of the lack of sleep, I was a bit groggy, so slow.  Around mid morning I did take a brief nap.

Late morning a friend came over and brought KFC.  We had a nice early lunch, and then sat and visited until med afternoon.  TGF was supposed to have come over to do her laundry; but I think she may have forgotten what’s here.  Anyway,  between some tummy issues and a friend dropping by, she didn’t have time to get over here.  She did get the information faxed (not in the morning; but hopefully it at least got there before the office closed for the weekend).  She was only able to get 2 boxes, everyone told her to come back Monday.  This is getting very discouraging.  How am I supposed to ever get this house sorted and packed with so few boxes available to use?  It was suggested that I try to get some used UHaul boxes.  That would be fine if (1) I had anyway to go get them, and (2) I had extra $$ to buy them or to put yet more gas in the car  to go somewhere to buy them.  It is beyond frustrating to be so trapped here.  (and funny to me that my friend still doesn’t really understand that I don’t want to be dependant on someone else’s schedule to be able to go anywhere.  I’m looking forward to being able to ride a bus … I grew up riding buses, why does everything have to be so negative?)

At least I didn’t have to “cook”.  My friend left me the leftover chicken, so I had that for my supper.

I *almost* managed to watch Blue Bloods, but of course fell asleep. I woke when the news was nearly over, but only long enough to turn off the TV.  I woke again around 4:00, but was able to go right back to sleep.  I didn’t get up until about 5:30 this morning .. still too early, but better than 3:00!!

TGF is supposed to come this morning and take me to the grocery store.  Thankfully I can get by with very little for now (with moving expenses on top of still paying the funeral home, the budget is very tight).  I hope she plans to finish her laundry too.  I’ll need to do some tomorrow before a short trip, and I really don’t think I should have to move her laundry in order to do my own.  But, I guess that’s a minor thing to have to worry about. 

Next week looks like it will be busier.  I won’t be writing every day, so will try to keep up when I can.  Sunday I’ll be going with DS, DIL, DGS13 to visit DB/SIL, with a stop to visit my BFF.  As far as I know we’ll be there 2 nights (DIL has a doctor appointment Monday afternoon), then come back here Tuesday.  DS is going to go on home (he will drive his truck here tomorrow); DIL and DGS will stay with me to help out for 2 days.  Then I’ll ride back to NB with them Thursday, spend the 4^th with them, and they will bring me back home Saturday.

Hopefully, a week long “break” will give me some renewed enthusiasm (and time to acquire boxes!!!) so I can get busy again.  I’ll only have a week left for rounding up yardsale stuff, but I’ve already done a great deal of that. 

09I may go get my 4^th-of-July wreath down today.  I don’t like to leave it hanging outside when I’m out of town; but I can put it up today, and next week while I’m home .. and it can stay up the rest of July.  Then it will just go into storage (unless I give it away; or even decide to sell it)  I also have a decoration that’s supposed to go over the mailbox.  I certainly won’t be able to use that! LOL  And I’ve never been able to use it here because I can’t seem to get it secured well enough to withstand the constant wind.  Hopefully DIL will like to have it.  If not, I guess that goes to yardsale too, unless any of my siblings want it (I get the feeling they’re not “into” decorating like I am).  Well, that’s a worry for another day too.

I don’t know what time TGF will be here (not really early for sure!), so I better go on and get myself ready for whatever today throws at me. 

Day 90

Day 90

Thursday, June 26, 2014

It has been an interesting and tiring 2 days now.  I may only hit the “highlights” for now.

On Wednesday, TGF took me to my eye appointment.  I got relatively good news.  The ressure is way down .. which I sort of expected it would be.  There are still some lingering traces of the inflammation, so I’m to use the drops for that for 2 more weeks; but I don’t have to go back until August.  And after that check up, they will transfer me to their Raleigh office, which will make things super easier for me.

It was late by the time we left, so hit most of the traffic.  But other than slow, we got to DSis’s house with no trouble.  TGF left me there and she went on home.  I spent a very nice evening with DS, DBIL, and my great-nephew.

This morning DS and I went to the apartments .. met DN there .. to do the paperwork for us to get one.  It’s scary and frustrating how complicated it is.  I’ve never had to deal with any of that before.  And it’s discouraging to realize I don’t actually make *quite* enough to even qualify for half the rent without a co-signer.  Now all I can do is wait and hope there are no issues.  If there are … I guess I’ll go live in a storage unit. L  I know, I shouldn’t be negative … it’s just all scary.  There’s so very much to take care of, and it is SO frustrating to have to have someone help me with nearly everything.

DS took DN and I to lunch at one of many restaurants close by the apartments.  It was lovely, and very nice of her!  Then we came on out here.  We took a quick look around and determined what most likely will and won’t “work”. 

Later, after DS and DN had left, TGF and DGS15 came over to do laundry.  They took all the bagged up trash to the dump for me .. only the outside cans still haven’t been taken (they won’t fit in the car).  She helped me find a letter I needed to fax to the apartment management.  But, I really didn’t get much else done.  I still have no boxes to pack.  She will come back late tomorrow afternoon (I have company coming first) to finish her laundry and hopefully bring me boxes. 

I can work on sorting and packing Saturday.  Then I’ll be going with DS, DIL, and DGS13 to DB/DSIL’s house for a few days.  After that .. I think it’ll be time to really get serious about packing!

Tonight I’m only going to get serious about .. ummm … nothing!

Day 88

Day 88

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

I’m still not completely happy with what I consider a lack of rogress, but in the end I guess a lot did get done yesterday.  I just keep finding it discouraging how many things I think I should be able to do, and then it turns out for one reason or another I need help.  (and I don’t understand why there are some who seem to think that if I say I need help with something, they seem to think doing something like learning braille is the answer.  In the first place, how am I supposed to get anywhere, and in the 2^nd place, how would that help me pack?)  I did drag out a lot of linens … more than I originally planned, and more than I even realized I had.  Some of it I could sort with no problem; but it surprised and depressed me how many things were difficult to determine (ie., matching sheets and pillow cases).  I’m reasonably sure I have them sorted and have packed up the items I want to keep. 

TGF got here around 2:30ish.  She had not been able to get any boxes., so we concentrated on the yardsale stuff.  With her help I finished the sorting.  I gave her the sheet sets that fit the bed I gave them.  I had sent it to DSS’s house to store when DH had to be changed to a hospital bed.  But I have no need or room for it, and with all those boys, they can use it.  So I gave her the sheets that fit it.  But loads of random pillow cases, curtains, and tablecloths went into the mix. 

I had moved the photo albums off the hall shelf unit, so while TGF put prices on things I started moving books.  We’re trying to get them all consolidated in one place, and also keep the ones separate that she will be taking to her classroom.  Two areas have now been cleared of books.  The set of cubbies in the computer room is now nearly empty.  There are 2 or 3 canvas boxes that still have things to be sorted out, and that’s all.

I’ve had people ask me about selling things I hadn’t originally planned to sell; but then I can’t get any follow up information.  And the people who bought the table still haven’t called or shown up.  I hope they don’t show up today, because I won’t be here.  I have no way to get in touch with them (but they have my number). 

My SIL called .. she had, of course, completely forgotten about having said she’d come over.  Again.  But since I expect that, it was OK.  She’s not in good health either; and has adamantly refused to commit to helping me in any way, because her schedule is so busy. 

Maybe I should try to write at night more often.  I seem to wake up grumpy a lot.  I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night; at least, I don’t think I did.  But I was awake way before 6:00.  I have an eye doctor appointment this afternoon, so not being in a hurry this morning.  But I do need to go on and get organized.  I will be at DSis’s house tonight, and not home until sometime tomorrow afternoon.

I need to go get busy doing something while the washer runs, and then get a shower.  

Day 87

Day 87

Monday, June 23, 2014

If doesn’t matter if I wake up early or “late”.  The better days are the ones I can make myself be productive.  If I’m busy, I don’t have time (or energy) to stress about things I can’t control anyway.  Problem is, I just don’t always have that energy.  Also, as I work through areas that don’t normally get much attention,  I’m stirring up more dust .. and that is really bothering me a lot.  I’m going to have to dig out some of the face masks I kept before dealing with cabinets in the laundry room! 

Yesterday most of the morning and early afternoon I got very little done.  I did do one load of laundry, just towels and a sheet.  And I got them put up.  I cleared most of the random stuff off one (decorative) shelf in the kitchen.  But not having boxes made it frustrating.  I also don’t like piling too much on the dining room table, since I have no idea when the people who bought it are coming to pick it up.

I also didn’t feel good during the morning and early afternoon.  Nothing specific, just “punky”.  But I gradually got over it .. maybe residual from not sleeping well I guess.  TGF got here in mid afternoon, but forgot boxes.  However, we found plenty to do.  I emptied out a large tote of various lenens, and the majority of it went into the yardsale pile.  In a few weeks there’s going to be a big multi family yardsale, so I get a “2^nd chance”!    After sorting the linens, we went through the totes where I put all the things I’d had to take out of the cabinets I sold.  Sadly, a very large percentage of that was out-of-date stuff.  I hate that it was wasted .. but at least it’s not still just sitting in my cabinets unused.

The rest of the afternoon … well, actually, by then evening … I didn’t do much more.  I have a “plan” for today though.  I’m getting off to a slow start (already after 7:00), but I will soon head for the shower and try to not dawdle so late into the morning.

Day 86

Day 86

Sunday, June 22, 2014

My BFF came up with what I consider the perfect phrase to cover all my various mood swings .. “geriatric bipolarism”.  Explains a lot.

Yesterday was a very odd mixture of getting things done and totally lazy.  DN and I did go through the house and make decisions about a lot of things.  Even doing that much helps me to determine what I need to do.    I’m just having a bit of trouble figuring out how to get organized.  It is not helping that the people who bought the table haven’t come back for it.  I’d like to be able to use the table  as a “staging” area .. a place to set boxes so I can sort things as I go.  If they would come get the table, I can up up my folding ones and know they can stay. 

I did manage to get a few more things packed, and some things sorted.  Sometimes the 2 months seem like not nearly enough time … and yet so much can’t really be done very far ahead.

DN’s ride home backed out (and this is MY opinion, which I’m entitled to as well as this blog is a place for my free expression …  regardless of the circumstances, it is wrong to tell someone you will do something and then wait until  they are “stranded” and back out).  Anyway, I asked TGF to take DN home.  I of course had to pay for gas.  And we decided to eat out.  I know, I could have just said no.  But I was hungry too, and we did have fun.  But the whole excursion pretty much wiped out my yardsale profits. L  I did get an advance peek at DN’s apartment (and hopefully when I see it “officially”, in daylight, she’ll have had a chance to do just a little more cleaning, though it really wasn’t too bad). 

I didn’t get home until nearly 10:00.  I went right to bed; and when I woke, I thought it must be time to get up so I turned on the TV.  It took a few minutes to register that news wasn’t on .. so I finally looked at the clock.  It was only 2:00!!  I did get back to sleep, and didn’t get until just before 6:00.  In theory that was nearly 8 hours of sleep.  It sure doesn’t feel like it!

I don’t quite know what I’m doing today.  I’ve dawdled too much this morning, and really need to get a shower and get busy.  I only have 2 boxes left; TGF will try to bring me some this afternoon.  I think maybe this morning I need to concentrate on a little straightening.  A few places (especially the guest room) have gotten cluttered again, and it’s too hard to figure out what needs to be done.  So, I guess that’s the morning plan at least.  Perhaps in the afternoon I’ll get TGF to take more pictures and put more things up for sale on the FB yardsale sites. 

I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster for months.  Today feels like more of a “calm” day (though it doesn’t seem to take much to change that).  There are those who think I shouuullld go to a doctor and get “something” for anxiety or stress or whatever.  With all that I’ve been through (DH’s many surgeries and hospitalisations, raising belligerent step sons, financial crunches, stressful jobs, etc) I’ve never resorted to that.  I can get through this too.  I think I’m a bit like DH was about pain meds .. I am not willing to risk becoming addicted or dependant.  Or maybe I just enjoy being grumpy.  But at my age, I have this fear that if I were to go to a doctor they’d find a dozen things “wrong” that require meds or treatments or such … just because they wouldn’t be able to accept a senior citizen not needing something.  And my take on that is .. maybe I have a few aches and pains; but the only major problem is the vision.  And if it ain’t broke, don’t “fix” it. 

It’s time for eye drops and then get the day going.

Day 85

Day 85

Saturday, June 21, 2014

In the morning I pushed myself to purge a few more things .. about 3 more boxes, plus an old shelf unit that had seen better days.  TGF came late morning and collected those things, and the kittens.

In the mid afternoon, my niece got here .. and brought BoJangles with her.  Yay!  We’ve been able to talk out a lot of potential issues, and make (tentative) decisions about what will or won’t work in the apartment.  Not saying there won’t be any problems; but I think we can work them out.

In late afternoon TGF brought a few things and the folding tables back.  The yardsale is actually continuing today too, but DGS15 was too hot and tired for a 3^rd day.  Not a problem, he made me $108, and a lot of stuff went out the door never to come back. 

After pulling out more donation stuff (since they weren’t doing another yardsale day), I also managed to get a few boxes packed.  I have 3 “cubby” units that are empty except some books to be gone through.  I will get my niece to help with that … I want to make a list of the ones hardest to give up so I can see if there’s an audible version to pput on a wish list.

Oh, nearly forgot, he gave away one of the kittens, but the other came back home.  We let him play inside for a long time .. afraid he’d be lonely without his play mate.  But he seemed quite happy playing by himself.  I put him back outside with mama just before dark .. but really need to find him a home quickly.  Maybe today I can get a picture to put on FB. 

In the evening DN(iece) and I made some sausage dip.  We’d both been eating chicken, so most of it went into the fridge for today.  NOT a problem! J

She helped me sort through a box of computer disks.  There are only a few that are pictures that I’ll keep.  She found some she wanted; and the rest I think will go in the donation boxes.

I feel like I did get a lot done yesterday.  But when I write it out all disjointed, it doesn’t sound like much at all.  And yet it feels like it was a fairly productive day.  I was busy enough to not have time (or energy) to get spells of depression.  And while I’m not very happy with TGF/DSS right now, at least I mostly didn’t dwell on it.  And it helps that I have potential solutions to problems they have caused.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get my system to get into a better routine.  I stayed awake a bit later last night since I had someone to talk to; but nevertheless .. this morning I was awake long before daylight.  I tried to stay put; but after nearly an hour of fidgeting, I gave up and got up … and it was only just before 5:00. L

I don’t know what we’ll do today; but by process of elimination, I’m thinking the best option might be dealing with kitchen cabinets … and taking pictures of some things to list on the online yardsales.  There are things that are too good to just throw away, but I don’t really need to keep or put in storage. 

My head just isn’t working right this morning.  I need to just walk away from the computer, get a shower, and get this day started one way or another!

Day 84

Day 84

Friday, June 20, 2014

Moving is stressful.  There’s just no way around that.  I wonder how my parents were able to make the decision to move to a much smaller place and walk away from so much.  But then, they were never alone.  And there were 4 of us at various times helping.  And they weren’t really disabled in any way at that time.  So I wonder how much of the difficulty in letting go is a matter of “control”.  I have no control over my failing vision … so I hold on tighter to what I don’t want to let go of.  I’m doing better than I thought .. but it’s not enough, and it’s SO hard.  And trying to do most of it alone is hard too. 

TGF has helped tremendously with the yardsale.  She pushed me into doing it to start with; and it was a good way to get a lot of “excess” stuff out the door quickly.  Except for one large item, anything not sold will be given to the mission store in town.  It won’t come back here … so it’s all stuff I’ve dealt with.

I am left confused this morning though.  TGF emailed last night that putting out more stuff today might be good since he (DGS15 in charge, and is making a 15% commission) sold so much.  But then she never got back to me, so I don’t know if she (or anyone) is actually coming here this morning to pick up any additional stuff I found to contribute.  If no one does, I guess I’ve boxed up additional things to be taken to the ReStore (if I have to actually take it somewhere, I get to chose the recipient).  It feels like wasting boxes to  just be packing things up to get rid of.

Yesterday morning I managed to get 2 loads of laundry done, and flush out the fish pond, along with my usual morning stuff before I stopped to have visitors.  My friend came for a short visit; and with all I have to get done, not very likely I’ll see her again.  She says she won’t come visit the apartment.  She goes a lot farther than that (with someone driving) … so I think she’s just unhappy with my decision and therefore writing me off.  It makes me sad that she *says* she’s happy for me … but mostly all she does is criticize and question anything I do.  I have to just shake it off.  I have way too much stress in my life to have to deal with someone who is so negative. 

In the afternoon TGF came and got me.  We went into town to see how the yardsale was going (DGS15 is a natural born salesman!).  Then she took me by the grocery store.  Funny story about that:  I had said I really wanted some fried chicken (many cooking shows this week, and too hot to do it at home).  The deli didn’t have any, so after getting groceries she went to a different store.  She needed to leave the a/c running because of frozen stuff in the car, so I went in alone.  While in there, I happened across TGF’s BFF.  When I got back to the car (successfully!), I found out that the friend had “told off” TGF, asking her what part of sending “the blind lady into the store alone” was a good idea?    Any other time she would not have done that, so to me it was very funny. 

Not so funny I also had to put gas in the car.  We’ve talked about that … still don’t know what to do.  And I just can’t worry about it now.

After I got home, and rested up a bit, I started checking to see what I can do in this room.  I seem to be flitting from one room to another … seems less overwhelming that way.

During the evening I did pull more things out; but since I never heard back from TGF, I don’t know if someone is going to come pick anything up this morning or not.  It stormed a lot over night … not sure how things were left in town, but the boys (DGS15 and his friend) were going to “camp out” on the porch of the house they were in front of to prevent looting.  So I am sure if they got the same storm, they could pull things out of the weather or cover them.  But I still don’t know what to expect this morning. 

I also don’t know if my SIL will come over.  She said she would, but she often forgets.  I suggested she not come until her husband can come too, and help get some things she wants.  Well, plenty of time for that.

Sometime later today my niece is coming.  It may be her last chance to *visit* with me instead of living with me! LOL!    I know a lot of people are a bit skeptical about this arrangement.  But it’s to both of our advantages to work at making it a successful venture. 

Again last night, I couldn’t stay awake.  It’s getting very frustrating.  I even sat in a “straight” chair instead of my comfy recliner to watch a show … and still slept through most of it.  Once I settled in my chair .. slept completely through the news again.  But when I woke up (to Letterman Again), I just left the TV on.  Sometime hours later Butter woke me when he jumped out of my lap .. I think thunder startled him.  There was quite a storm … and the TV reception was gone (which I guess is how I slept through it .. nothing on!).  So, turned it off and went back to sleep.  And woke up at 4:30!!!  I just hate waking so early.  It makes the day so very long and tiring.  And no wonder I can’t stay awake at night.  If I could nap in the daytime it would help; but I’ve never been very good at that.  I do doze off a lot just sitting in front of the TV; but it’s not really “sleep”, because I stay somewhat aware of anything going on around me, and wake quite easily (as opposed to my falling asleep during a program at night). 

It’s still ridiculously early, but at least there’s now daylight.  It is still that early morning gray, so I can’t even tell yet if it will be clear or overcast.  The forecast for today was for rain; but the last one (that I was able to stay awake for) seemed to indicate more afternoon storms than morning.  I’m really hoping this morning is great for the yardsale.  Not only is it Saturday, but on the news last night it did get a mention.  I’d love to have seen it get more publicity than that, but still it was there.  This year it’s 3 times the size of last year … TGF mentioned that TPTB would like to see it grow to stretch from VA to GA.  As long as it stays on the rural highway, that would be great!  (and I don’t even know why I care, since I’m not likely to ever be able to either participate again or go shopping).  Anyway, since I don’t know what will happen today, or when, I guess I’d best go on and get showered and dressed.  At least then I’m reasonably presentable.

Day 83

Day 83

Thursday, June 19, 2014

My life is like ketsup. 

Shake, shake ketsup bottle;

None’ll come and then a lot’ll.

So yesterday started way too early .. at one point I even misread the clock by an hour,  so was “ahead” all morning.  Good thing I use the alarm clock to help me remember eye drops … that got me back “on track”.  Of course, I didn’t get very much done.  The last of the plastic boxes I have are packed, and I have nothing left but shoe box size.

In the afternoon .. around 2:00 I think … TGF came over with DGS15 and a friend.  She brought boxes!!  So first, she put prices on the yard sale stuff and we packed it up.  The boys took things out to the car.  They also gathered up a lot of bigger items.  Then she took pictures of all the cameeras … they will be put up on ebay.  I don’t exect much, but anything at all will help.  I kind of hate that it will mean every time one sells, she will have to go box and ship it .. but it was her idea (and buyer pays shipping).

She had thought DSS would come over after work with the truck; but he’d had to fix the water pump, and it got late.  She took the boys on home so she could fix supper for her crew. 

They came back (TGF, DSS, the 2 boys) a little after 8:00.  They finished loading everything else, including the folding tables.  It was getting very dark and thundery, and some lightening, by the time they left around 9:00.

There were storms during the night … all I can do is hope nothing got rain damaged, nothing to be done about it.  There’s no way anyone can ever plan a giant yard sale and be sure of the weather.  Today will probably be OK,  though there could be a stray afternoon shower.  Tomorrow might be tricky, looking more and more like a rainy day.   Just have to wait and see.

Once all that was done and they were gone, I shut everything down.  As usual, I dozed off during the 10:00 show; but woke up for the news.  Which I turned off, too tired to care!  I did wake during the night to hear the thunder and rain.  And I didn’t wake until 6:30, which is great.

Today might be a little busy later.  This morning a friend is coming to visit, so I’ll do nothing but visit and talk for awhile.  Later in the afternoon TGF will come get me (and possibly the baby kittens) and we’ll go check out how the boys are doing;  give them the kittens to give away (might not be easy, DSS said he’d already seen numerous signs for “free kittens” where people were starting to set up last night); and then she’ll take me to the grocery store.  In between, hopefully I’ll start to figure out what to start on.   

I’ve more or less decided that the things upstairs will have to go into storage for the time being.  It’s just way too hot to spend enough time up there to sort.  It will be hard enough just bringing it down! So if I don’t stress over that for now, the big things to deal with are the kitchen and my computer room.  I’m  not going to worry about either one of those this morning at least. 

This day could start earlier than some have lately, so I’ll go on and get myself in gear.  I hope I can manage to be relaxed enough to just sit and visit and not even think about all that needs to be done  … I do still have 2 months to do it!!

Day 82

Day 82

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

This was a much busier day, though I’m not really sure if it was exactly productive.  I guess every little thing accomplished is progress of sorts.

I wonder if my uneasy sleep patterns have to do with the heat .. but I don’t feel uncomfortably hot at night.  Yet, I do wake up with my neck pillow damp.  I don’t especially want to sleep with a fan going, but maybe I’ll try it again.  I won’t turn the a/c down …. It is already running way too much (even now, before daylight), and it’s set on 78.  So I’m feeling tried and draggy during the day … guess that’s making me grumpy too  Not to mention stressing about this whole move.  It’s So very hard to walk away from this house that I’ve loved for 13 years.  But there are just too many obstacles to overcome to stay.  When things unexpectedly fall into place, I just have to believe it was “meant to be”.  I even said that about the deposit .. if this is the right thing, the deposit will be there when I need it.  And it will.

My SIL did come yesterday, but not until 11:30.  Turns out, she probably shouldn’t have come at all .. I think stubbornness runs in that family along with poor health.  (her cardiologist had told her to not go out in the heat, and not drive.  I’m willing to bet he told her to not smoke too, though of course she didn’t tell me that).  Anyway, I gave her some things I had put back; and forgot a few.  She went through a shelf of books, and was very happy to take a LOT of books home with her.  It always makes me happy when someone is pleased to give my books new homes.  But there are SO many left!

While SIL was here, the lady called that wanted to buy the tall cabinets.  She couldn’t find my house (turns out my directions were fine; but I have no concept of distances).  Again, it was “meant to be” … because at nearly any other time I would have been here alone.  But SIL was able to take me up to the nearby community and then the lady could follow us back to the house.  She did buy the cabinets, and seemed very pleased with them.  She should be .. she got a great bargain!!

After she left, SIL went on home.  Not too long, maybe an hour, later TGF came over.  With NO boxes.  What was she thinking???  I do not understand how anyone expects me to be able to move when I have no way to pack.  And if this is some weird plan to force me to get rid of every single thing I own … not gonna work!!!    She started to say she’d just load the things “loose” in the car  … until she saw how much stuff I’ve actually managed to put aside.  She will come back today with boxes .. and boys.  While she was here, she finished going through another bookshelf, so more books out.  There are still a lot she wants for her classroom, but can’t take those yet.  I need her to start consolidating them on one of the shelves I’m giving her, so they don’t get dumped in with library donations.  She had mentioned that last year clothes on hangers sold well,  so I looked in the closet again.  I just recently donated a massive amount of clothes, so didn’t expect to find much.  But in the end, I did find an armful I could let go of.  Funny part is, some of them (things I wore a lot when I worked, but haven’t worn since I retired) she picked out to try on herself.  Well, they’ll be suitable for a teacher, she’s welcome to them.  I also pulled out a couple of blankets.  I wonder why it’s so hard for me to let go of blankets? 

I also cleaned out a small plastic crawer where I’ve always kept makeup.  It’s hard to wear makeup when you can’t see your face to put it on.  And I have a horror of looking like a clown. L  So the majority of that went into the trash … nothing there less than a year old anyway.  I finished cleaning out the last drawer on my big dresser.  And, since I’m not sure about closet space (I know I get 2 closets .. but I susect the 2 together won’t be any bigger than one of the 2 I have now!) I took a bunch of T-shirts and folded into the drawers.

It’s all progress … but only small things.  I’ve been terrified to even start in the kitchen.  It’s so dark and dreary in there; and now with the big cabinet gone, and 2 small ones emptied … way too much stuff is piled on the table.  I won’t use the tiny amount of counter space, because I’m afraid there are ants that I can’t see.  It’s like the hateful things *knew* the minute I had to cancel the exterminator!

I don’t really know what today will bring.  Supposedly this afternoon a massive amount of stuff will be taken to go to the “301 Endlses Yardsale”.  The big question: will I actually make any money?  And will they return the things I’m letting them take to sell but NOT willing to donate if they don’t sell?  I don’t think it’s up to someone else to make that decision for me.  And it’s much too early in the morning to be “borrowing” trouble!  I guess I’ll just go on and get showered and dressed,  and see where the day goes.

Day 81

Day 81

Tuesday June 17, 2014

This day was not particularly productive, but at least it was also not depressing.  I got a bunch of random things packed up into small boxes again.  For now it’s all I have, so might as well use them.

A lady called about the pantry cabinets.  She seemed to actually really want them, and I gave her directions to get here.  I went on and emptied out the 2^nd cabinet.  But then she called .. where she lives (a bit southeast of me) it was storming, so she couldn’t come.  She said she will try to come today.  I know I’m gullible; but she was nice, and polite, and really seems like she wants to buy the cabinets.  There seems to be less chance of storms in today’s forecast, so hopefully she can come sometime today.  I also don’t know when the people will come to get the table and chairs they bought. 

I emailed a fair amount with my niece, my brother, and my DIL.  I tried to write my BFF, but I’m afraid she got the “short end of the stick” … it’s getting harder and harder to handle email.  But thankfully I know she understands.  Maybe once moved I’ll have decent cell reception .. if so, I won’t need a landline at all.  I could change my plan to add minutes, and then I could just talk to her on the phone sometimes.  The drawback to that is that the phone demands your attention “right now; whereas email can wait until you are able to get to it.

Too much to try to think about.

I’m still not sleeping good, but last night was a little better … I woke up to the news instead of Letterman.  I only woke once before daylight, and got back to sleep.  I was awake before 6:00, but didn’t get up right away. 

One thing that scres me about moving .. the first time I wake in the middle of the night I won’t remember where the furniture is, where the door is, or where the bathroom is!!

My SIL said she would come over today.  She said morning, because she isn’t doing well in the heat and has to be back home in her a/c (and near her oxygen, though she insists she does “better” by not using it all the time) by the hot afternoon.  I don’t expect her to show up real early, but I do have to go on and get showered and dressed, and be ready for whatever.

And yes, I know, I haven’t actually *said* much.  I feel totally overwhelmed by everything right now.  I need help with things, but really, everyone is busy or sick or too far away or …..  or it really isn’t “everyone elses” responsibility!!   This is MY job to do, and I’m so very frustrated at my inability to do what needs to be done.  I know TGF is getting annoyed with me because I keep telling her I have no boxes … well what am I supposed to do???  There are *some people* who consider everything I own just crap that I shouldn’t have any trouble getting rid of.  That’s not quite the sort of help I need!

Anyway, getting late, got to get moving and get things done today.

Day 80

Day 80

Monday June 16, 2014

Yesterday was a bit disappointing, and exhausting.  I’m doing the best I can, but it’s very frustrating to not only have limited ability to tell what some things are; but have no boxes to be packing things in.  I was given very good advice about where to get some … but with no one who has time or willingness to bother (i.e., TGF refuses to go get anything that needs to be bought.  She insists she can get boxes.  She keeps telling me that I need the money.  Really?  Then why were they so willing to spend MY money – that I have so little of – to go to the OBx?) 

My SIL never came over, but she did call.  She had clearly completely forgotten she’d ever said she’d come.  But she’s also got some health issues going on, and the heat effects her badly.  I won’t get much “help” from her, but there are still some books for her to go through, and I have a bunch of stuff put aside for her.

The people who said they were interested in the kitchen cabinets never showed up.  Apparently they never put any message on FB either.  Because I got so many inquiries about those from the start, I thought I had priced them too low.  But it might be that people are ignoring the pix (or can’t tell), and thinking they’re the kind of cabinets you build in.  Whatever.  They’re still not sold.

Meantime, I had to try to empty them.  I was working on the assumption that if someone came all the way out here, with cash … they’d expect the cabinets to be ready to take with them.  In the end, I dragged out my totes.  Some of them were new (slated for gifts eventually) .. but it was the only thing I could find to put the contents in.  I only did one tall (pantry) cabinet, and 2 small ones.  I still have one of each to empty. 

There has been absolutely no interest whatsoever on anything else.  That is depressing and discouraging.  For one thing, TGF is right – I do need the money.  Besides, what I have for sale is stuff I can’t possibly use in a small apartment.  And I refuse to just give it away (I’m doing that with a massive amount of stuff already).  I hate the thought of having to get a bigger storage unit, but I don’t know what else to do.  (storage unit as in *ground floor*, not having to be carried up steps!).  And that means it costs me instead of making more money. 

Well, meantime, I’ve been using some small plastic boxes (of which I have a LOT) to pack up various decorative items .. things I know I want to keep, but aren’t “essential” now.  Every time I pack a little box of things like that, I at least make it easier to begin to see what’s left.

I started counting bookcases, and nearly panicked.  NO, I really do not need so many, especially since nearly all the books will be gone before the move.  But I do have other stuff … pictures, candles, pictures, flowers, pictures, etc.  And no, ALL of it doesn’t have to be “out” … I can rotate things I enjoy.  If I can get the books taken care of, I could make myself let go of some (most!) of the bookcases.  But .. I don’t seem to be doing such a good job of selling anything.  So one more thing I’m expected to just give away?

I know this move is the right thing to do.  But it’s so very hard to walk away from such a nice big house to a very small shared place, and be forced to give up nearly everything.  So many people feel it’s just fine to tell me what I do or don’t “need”, with no regard at all for my feelings.  And someone else encouraging me to sell everything .. again, with no regard to what I might want to keep … and yet, nothing seems to be selling.  (half the items listed have never had so much as an inquiry).  And I’m being pushed to clean out cabinets and drawers and everything, and put as much as possible into a yardsale.  Well, I’ve never exactly made much money doing that either.  I know this one is different, and the kids will be able to have a good location.  I also know that they’ll end up with a substantial chunk of anything earned … so I’ll end up letting go of a lot of my things with very little (if anything) to show for it.  And I will be expected to be *grateful* that someone was kind enough to help me by getting all that “junk” out of the house.

I have to find a way to change my sleep pattern.  I’m waking up too early, and feeling tired and grumpy.  But the last few nights, I’ve tried to watch something at 10:00 … and blinked … and Letterman was on.  I totally slept through the news. L  Then it was hard to get back to sleep, and then waking up so early.  I’m not really getting enough sleep.  I can’t resort to sleeping pills (mostly because in general they don’t work).  Things like Tylenol PM, or even melatonin help me go to sleep … but that’s not the problem.  I need to STAY asleep, at least until daylight!

Maybe after the move is done I’ll be less stressed.  I know it will take some time to get adjusted to such drastic changes.  And we will have to learn as we go which areas we will have to compromise on.  But at least it should be in more comfortable surroundings.

I have no clue what I will try to get done today  I don’t know when the people are coming for the table, so I can’t really use it for “staging”.   Maybe I’ll set up a cardtable in the guest room and start piling up the books that are left.  It’s a little frustrating, because I’m not sure which have been gone through.  But, TGF (who is the main one who wants books, for her classroom) has had chances to go through a lot of them. Once the table is gone, I will put the card table in the dining room.   All books that are “claimed” but not leaving immediately (I accept that she can’t take her books until she has her classroom and can put the bookcases in) will have a specific place to wait.  All the rest are going to be donated to the library.  I’ve said I’ll wait until the end of July … but really, there’s no need.  Not many people seem to want actual books any more.  So maybe by the end of June, whatever is left goes to the library. 

There doesn’t seem to be any hurry.  But I suppose I’d best start the day and see where it goes.  

Day 79

Day 79

Sunday June 15, 2014

Apparently my body has decided it likes waking up around 3:00, give or take some; and then giving me a hard time getting back to sleep.  And then being wide awake around 6:00.  I do go on and get up, and get a few things done … especially now, since that early part of the day is a little cooler.  But it doesn’t take me long to fizzle.  Then I seem to spend the rest of the day dragging from one project to another, never fully completing most of them, and feeling guilty for not getting more done.  Right now, just a little after 7:00 in the morning, it’s already warm and sticky.  Moving in August is insane!!  But waiting indefinitely would be worse I think.  My DIL keeps saying I should go to a doctor and get “chill pills”.  I understand why she says that.  But I don’t think I should need pills of any sort to get me through this phase of my life.  Yes, everything is stressful; I just have to deal with it.  By fall things should be settled down.  Then I can relax, and “heal” in a place that isn’t full of memories and mice.

I exchanged a few emails with my BFF .. not as many as usual, since the computer has gotten harder for me to use.  Well, not really the computer … but it just seems like too much else going on to try to deal with changing email right now.  I also emailed a bit with DIL.

My DB called and we had a very good long conversation.  He confirmed some of my thoughts .. things I know will have to be worked out, but have decided (hope!) the benefits are worth the effort.  And he gave some positive reinforcement, and some great suggestions!

Later in the afternoon TGF and DGS21 came by. I was glad I got to see him before he had to go back to GA (today).  I had found a container to hold that last bit of *stuff* on a table in the bedroom, so they took that.  They brought back several of the smaller boxes that DH’s stuff had been packed in. 

TGF had put the things I said I’d try to sell on several FB yardsale sites (local) … and there were multiple “hits”, especially on the kitchen cabinets.  Someone is coming tonight who is interested in buying all of them (3 small ones, 2 large) … wow, everything will have to go in boxes! LOL!  But those are definitely things that won’t be moved to an apartment; and I hae a feeling I’m selling too cheap.  However, a friend of hers also responded to the chairs.  Much as I hate to let go, I don’t need them and there won’t be room.  I had the table listed separately; but when the people came by, they bought both!  And, paid me more than I was asking (said I was short changing myself).  They have to come back in a few days with a truck – but yes, I have the cash!  So that room will look odd; but I can just put the card tables there to have a work surface (and to keep anyone from bumping into the chandelier!).

Later in the evening I sorted my collection of “decorative” dishes.  They’re all perfectly good dishes; but ones I got at various flea markets and thrift shops for the purpose of making the dining room table look pretty.  I sorted out the 2 sets I like best, and the rest are going to yardsale stuff.  TGF is supposed to come help me by Wednesday afternoon, and bring boxes.  She keeps harassing me about hurry up if I want to put stuff in the sale because they have a very good location.  Well, what am I supposed to put the stuff IN??  I literally do not have any cardboard boxes (except the one that is already overflowing with donation stuff that might as well go with yardsale stuff first … since anything left over will be donated).  I know I need to go through the kitchen cabinets; but that’s going to be so much harder.  A few years back a lady helped me clean and organize those cabinets, and I got rid of a huge amount of excess then.  So I’m down to stuff I use a lot.  I have no clue how much kitchen storage there is, or how much stuff my niece has.  I do know the cupboard I love will fit, so I think the pretty dishes can go there.  Maybe.  Depending on how much there is to be stored.

OK, I get side tracked fretting about things that will most likely resolve themselves; and at the least don’t need to be worried about until time to move in.  Right now I need to shower and get the day going.  My SIL said she’d come over today (if she remembers).  I have several things for her, so hope she does. And I suppose I should start clearing out the cabinets that someone is coming to look at.  If they’re taking the trouble to come all the way out here, there’s a reasonably good chance they intend to buy them.

Day 78

Day 78

daym June 14, 2014

So, one phase of my life is over.  My husband is, I believe, at peace .. he is where he most loved to be.  It was a traumatic day in a lot of ways; but the actual “release” went perfectly.  And I handled it well.  I was afraid I’d be a blubbery mess, but I wasn’t.  I did have one small “melt down” … a lot to do with  communication issues; my DIL helped, and I got past it. 

I was glad DS and DSS and their families (all 8 kids) were able to come.  But they all had issues of their own .. some dealing with health issues, some just dealing with all those kids.  Oh and the dog!! (DSS’s boxer)  My friends met us there, and I was ever so grateful!!  For one thing, they went to the trouble of scouting out locations and possibilities ahead for us.  For another, they were not emotionally “involved” and therefore a bit of a calming influence.  And .. they’re just good friends, and I was glad of some time with them.

We (DS & family plus my friends) ended up going to my favorite beach bar for lunch.  Then we went back to town to the shop where their daughter works.  The kids wanted some souveniers; and my DIL got me a “dammitt doll”. J

Due to the communication issues, we ended up sitting in the car for around an hour waiting to meet up with DSS & drew.  DS offered to take me on home with them again;  but I really just felt like I needed to get home.  On the way home, I did wonder why …. I rode with TGF and her 3 youngest.  They were silly, annoying, fidgety, whiny … all the things little boys can be.  And it was a VERY long ride home.  We followed DSS (driving DGS21’s car), and he took about the strangest route I’ve ever heard of.  He went west, then turned south …. I’ve never ever gone between the OBx area and where I live now by going through Rocky Mount!!!!

And .. with no apparent concrn for my situation … they were perfectly OK with me pay all the gas to go up there and back, plus helping DGS21 with his gas.

This morning I am very weepy; but I guess a large part of that is just left over tired.  Even though I’m very glad I can now feel like I’ve finally “let go” of DH, I’m still overwhelmed with what I need to do here.  For all the stress a few months ago about that dratted cardboard piling up  … I now have no boxes to start packing in! 

I know I need to try to concentrate on the things I can sort instead of worrying about all the things I can’t work on until I have help.  Sadly (for me) I have to seriously downsize my collection of dishes.  I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to “set” the table any more at all.  But I’m pretty sure I can keep the kitchen cupboard I love (DSis measured), so perhaps I can use part of that for the prettier dishes.

I suppose if I spent more time *doing* and less time thinking about what needs doing, I’d accomplish more.  Tomorrow my SIL has said she’d come over.  She will take several of the things out of the yard  She will also go through a shelf of craft books.  I don’t know what else.  At first TGF said she would come over in the afternoons (work in her house in the morning); but oh, wait.  She has something to do Monday (no problem, SIL is coming (maybe).  And Tuesday she has to go sign her contract.  *Maybe * by Wednesday she can spare me a few hours .. she’ll need to do laundry by then anyway.

Whatever.  It’s time to get in the shower and then get the poor outside cats fed.  I’m sure the little babies are more than ready.  Oh, and I have 2 messages on the phone about some things listed on Craigs List.  I will call them back (at a reasonable hour).It’s a little discouraging that the only calls I’ve gotten are about the cheap cabinets that I’m actually still using  Anyway.  TGF may come over this afternoon with an empty tote to get the last of the random small stuff left in the bedroom.  I plan to start using that area for things that can go to the yardsale (Johnston Co. “endless” Yardsale) next weekend.  Since I don’t expect to ever actually receive any money, it will only be the kind of stuff I’m putting aside to donate anyway.

And yet, I keep sitting here.  Going now!

Day 76

Day 76

Thursdaym June 12, 2014

It seems like most of the problems I’ve encountered with the computer are actually Outlook related.  Even though the email is still “Hotmail”, MSN changed it over to Outlook.  I was not thrilled with that, but I adjusted.  But now it appears they’ve decided that ALL Outlook customers MUST have messenger.  So the problem I keep having with reading email is the stupid chat message that pops up.  Yesterday DIL explored it … turns out that “opting out” is NOT available at this time.  What??  What kind of nonsense is that??  I HATE changing email.  And I avoided using gmail in the past because I didn’t particularly like the format.  But now I think I will have to adjust.  Again.

So other than struggling with being able to communicate, some exciting (and scary) things are happening.  My DSis and niece went to view a 2 bedroom aptmt.  It was very disappointing to not get to go; but since I didn’t even know until the last minute that my aptmt would be cancelled,  it would have been a pain to arrange.  Anyway, she sent me a picture and a lot of information.

There is one available in August.  Since they only require 60 days notice, at the moment there Is nothing else and no way of knowing whebn there will be.  Someone could turn in notice today; or it could be a year.  I had to decide (because after all, DN already actually has an apartment and doesn’t “have” to move).  So I said go for it.  I just have to trust that if this is the right thing for me at this time, then the $$ I’m going to need for deposits by the 26^th (THIS month) will be available when I need it. 

TGF came yesterday (to do laundry of course).  We went through the house and I showed her which things I know I won’t need and want to try to sell.  She took pictures and listed them on Craigs List.   She will also list them on the Dunn Yardsale (FB) group.  If I can sell the big entertainment center, for what I lited (and it is worth it . no more than 3 years old, very solid, good condition, and huge), I could pay off the funeral home.   And if I can ell the dollhouse, that would give me the deosit.  Maybe that’s why it never sold before .. I didn’t “need” the money then?  I don’t know, I may just be making up theories to eas my own mind.

We had a lot of severe storms go through.  We needed the rain, though I think it might have been too late for a few of my container plants.  I know I need to find homes for them, which makes me very sad..  DIL is willing to take some and try to tend them for me.  Between the harsh winter, and now heat and drought, there may not be that many to take anyway.

DIL and grands got here about mid afternoon (in between storms).  We didn’t tackle the desk job yet … it was too late in the day and she was already tired  But she did finish going through the basket of paper on the hall shelf.  Finally!!!  It’s all done.  Some in the trash, and a few things sorted for various people or to add to book donations.

After supper (which they brought and DGS13 – with a little help – cooked) we started the process of going through photo albums.  To my surprise, we found a very old one of mine … pix from the ’64 to ’67 time frame mostly.  Wow!  They found some old pix of DS which they kept, and also his baby book.  The rest we put aside for TGF … there are a lot of old pix of DSS she is going to want (for his boys).

Last night DGS15 called.  Mostly he wanted to let me know he got his learner’s permit.  In GA they don’t have to take driver’s ed;  so it took him 3 tries to pass the permit test.  But, he has it.  He and his older brother were just getting ready to leave, to drive up here (they should be at DSS’s house by now) .  All 8 kids will be going to the OBx tomorrow!  I don’t know about the 3^rd son … I don’t know if DSS even called him yet.  We’d all be extremely surprised if he went. 

I know I’m jumping around.  My mind is jumbled.  It’s early; and I need to go get in the shower very soon, so to not tie up the bathroom when the rest start waking up.  Plus TGF will be back after taking her youngest for his last day of school.  They pulled a “fast one” on me.  I thought I was being smart, going with DIL and riding to OBx with them.  So yesterday TGF informs me that this week all of a sudden DSS isn’t getting paid until net Tuesday.  So can I please put ga in the car … otherwise they will not be going Saturday.  She says she will pay me back … but since that’s never happened yet, I seriously doubt it.  And they won’t care in the least if I have what I need to move.  Well, actually, depite what she says … it isn’t really in their best interest for me to move.  They lose the car, free laundry, panry “shopping” (although I am sure I’ll be expected to just leave any surplus food for them).

I know, I shouldn’t be starting the day with a bad attitude.  I’m so frustrated.  There is SO much to do . suddenly I only have 2 to 3 months, and not all that much help.  I plan to put DGS15 to work … but I know how he is, he’ll get bored and then things are less safe!  DIL is doing the best she can, but can’t help her health issues (she’s been fighting migraines all week, but still got here yesterday afternoon!).  Everyone else has to work and/or lives too far away to be running out here.  Well, except SIL, but she’s made it clear she’s much too busy to commit to anything.  She’ll show up to help me whenever she happens to have a gap in her schedule.

I need to go on and get that shower.  I still have to feed cats.  When TGF gets here .. I don’t see any point in riding, I’ll just let her use my card to get the gas (believe it or not, I can trust her to not get “extra” on my card).  DIL and kids and I will ride into town to pick up an order (finally!).  The lady who paints also does animal rescue, so we’re going to enlist her help in finding Butter a good home.  I don’t want to give him up … but I don’t want him to be miserable.  And I don’t want him to be so annoying that I don’t enjoy him any more!  He really needs a place where he can be an outside cat most of the time.

I’m nervous.  Is this move the right thing?  It “feels” right, but it’s also terrifying.

Day 75

Day 75

wEDNESday, June 11, 2014

This day has not been “bad”, except for the computer.  It’s making me crazy (crazier?).  I can no longer enlarge my email page so I can see what’s there.  When I enlarge the screen, the column with the messages shrinks, the far right column (ads) covers most of the screen, and some weird message takes the place of the folders on the left side.  I can’t delete anything from the inbox becaue I cannot get it big enough to even guess what’s there.  Some of the other folders I can sort of tell if there’s new email, but it’s a little more tricky to copy (it won’t let me select just the message, have to copy everything).  And I can’t reply at all, can only send “new” email.  When you add in that dealing with email was already getting hard to do .. making my eyes tired, making me sometimes headachy … it’s all just too much.

Tomorrow my DIL will look at it and see if she can figure out what’s going on.  So, thought I’d just go on and post tonight.  Then I will turn this thing OFF until DIL gets here tomorrow!!  Or until TGF if she comes in the morning (probably to do more laundry).

This morning TGF took me to the grocery store.  I didn’t really need a lot of anything, but got a bit more of the things I know I’ll use while I had the chance. 

Yesterday was so strange, I had forgotten to write that I had a lovely long phone conversation with my SIL (my family).  Today I had a conversation (not so long, still nice) with my SIL (DH’s family).  And DSS called to see if DGS15 had called me (he hadn’t, and still hasn’t).

So other than jumping up and down to answer the phone, (including 2 solicitation type call that I hung up on), and dealing with email (DSis, DIL, and BFF), it’s felt like a busy day.

Oh, and storms passed by around 4ish.  Lots of thunder and wind, heavy rain .. for less than 5 minutes!!  Distant thunder kept on awhile, but the sun is back out now.

I’ve been considering my big yellow cat.  I love him to pieces .. which is why I’ve begun wondering if I should try to find him a home.  If I move to an apartment, I’m afraid he’ll be awfully unhappy.  He wants to be outside every day.  And I’m afraid keeping him from darting out the door could be an issue … and if he got out, it could be a disaster!  He wouldn’t know where he was, and the area is densely populated, and I resume lots of traffic nearby. In the evening when he’s inside, he can be very loving.  I just don’t know what to do.  And I know it’s not a decision that has to be made today; it’s just one more thing among a zillion others to think about.

I will be glad tomorrow when I’ll have a project to keep me busy and not *thinking*!!

Day 74

Day 74

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Yesterday was a weird day with  even more ups and downs.  I should learn to never bother to make plans.  Any plans I try to make must, of necessity, depend on someone else.  And that frequently doesn’t work out. 

I am glad I got the heavy stuff done early at least.  Other than that, I did manage piddly stuff .. a load of laundry, finally getting candles on the mantle, clearing a bit more stuff off shelves in the guest room.  Just odds and ends.

The guy from Dr. M’s office called to tell me that there had been a mistake, and my appointment with Dr. J is cancelled.  Turns out Dr. J *only* sees patients with “my condition” (whatever that means) on Friday mornings!  And as of right now, the soonest opening he has is in August .. at 7:15 in the morning.  I told him not to even bother making an aptmt.  I have one with Dr. M in 2 weeks and will discuss it with him then.  It appears that this inflammation is neither significant nor urgent.  Not only do I live 70 miles away, I have to mae arrangements for someone to waste their whole day driving me up there, waiting, and driving me home.  We need a better plan than this … especially since I can’t tell that anything they’re doing makes any difference.  The first time I saw Dr. M he told me he saw signs of past inflammation.  Obviously it cleared up by itself before .. so why put me on all these stupid drops that actually raise my eye pressure.  Before the sterioid drops the pressure was staying in an acceptable (low end) range.  Typical doctors, wanting to fix what isn’t broken!

Then I got some more news, much better; at least, I hope so! LOL!  In 2 weeks my DSis is taking me to see a 2 bedroom apt … and we will discuss the feasibility of sharing with my niece.  There’s an awful lot of pros and cons; but so far, in thinking it over (and a little discussion with DIL), it’s looking like the pros are outweighing the cons.  Until the last few months, I never lived alone in my entire life  So it’s kind of disappointing to consider giving that up so sooon … but, how practical would it be, and how long would I be able to manage alone?  I kknow there are blind people who manage just fie.  But I’ve got a lot to deal with all at once; and having someone to help would matter.  And yes, I know what the biggest “cons” are . but I’ll have my own room with my own things I can fix up how I want, so would have a bit of a personal retreat if needed.  Well, except I can’t really shut the door unless for some reason I need to shut the cats in with me!

Then later in the evening I found out that I won’t be able to take a hoped for day trip to visit my BFF.  It already got postponed once.  I had picked a time based on what I had been told.  But turns out DSS and TGF’ss plans have all changed .. because her next-oldest has driver’s ed that week.  Well, of course, we must have our priorities right.  Maybe someday I’ll get to visit my friend, but I’m really scared to bother trying to plan anything.

And the icing on the cake .. my Hotmail seems to have crashed or something.  I can’t get my folders, can’t get mail.  Eems I can send mail OK.  But when the screens get all screwed up, I can’t see well enough to know how to fix them.  I wonder how long I’ll be able to keep using the computer at all.  I feel like I’ll be so cut off … which is, I suppose, silly.  Once I move I doubt I’ll hear from TGF much or DSS at all.  My DIL will call me.

Well, TGF will be here any minute to take me to the grocery store.  She actually  **gasp** asked if I needed to go!!  So I bettr post this (if I can) and be ready!

Day 73

Day 73

mOnday, June 9, 2014

Yesterday I managed to stay busy enough, off and on, to not have too much mental energy for being sad.  Plus, summer’s heat and humidity has descended with a vengeance!  I still refuse to turn the a/c lower; but I take frequent breaks and drink tons of water.

I completely (I hope!!) finished the tape sorting project.  I’m fairly sure there are no more stashes of tapes lurking somewhere … though to be fair, with my vision, it would be easy to overlook something.  Still I’ve tried hard to get at all the areas they might be hidden.  There are 2 more big (heavy!) trash bags to go out; and several bags I’m holding to take to my BFF sometime this summer.

I dusted the mantle real good, but still haven’t put it back together.  I guess I’ve just been too lazy to carry the candle holders back in  from the kitchen.

I also consolidated the smaller of the 2 bookshelves in the front hall.  I couldn’t really tell what DSS had gone through .. apparently anything he didn’t want he just stuck right bac.  So I put it all together, and emptied (nearly anyway) the one unit.  

I may have gotten some other things done … but honestly, I was drifting from one thing to another, and I really don’t even remember. L  But at least I stayed usy.  And when I manage to stay busy … and tire myself out … I don’t get all grumpy and whiny.  Well, not as much anyway!

I was awake by 6:00.  I didn’t really want to get up, but I did.  I knew if I wanted to accomplish anything “big”, the cooler early  nirbubg was my best time.  So, I dismantled the plant stand arrangement that has been in front of the dining room window about as long as I’ve lived here.  Once I got all the way down to the trunks (that have always been covered with a double layer of flannel-backed plastic and a cloth over that), I was very sad to see their condition.  There are a lot of splits in the lids.  I have no idea if they’re fixable or not.  If not, no one else is going to want them, but they’re much too good to just “throw away”.  And if they are fixable, I probably can’t afford it.  But that is all stuff I can’t deal with right now anyway. 

I dragged one trunk to the den to serve as a “coffee table” (although with the uneven lid, not so good; but I have trays).  I was going to drag the other, but very quickly realized that would not be possible.  So, I emptied it.  That one was full of photo albums … I put them on the shelves I just emptied yesterday.  Perhaps going through those will be a good project for the grands later in the week.  I dragged the emptied trunk to an empty corner of the bedroom.  Then I put a small empty bookshelf back in front of the window, flanked by the 2 small end tables I had been using as plant stands.  It’s a nice arrangement .. it’s narrower, so more floor space and lets more light in that window.

And I’m tired!!  Now I’m running “late”.  I know I’m not exactly “on a schedule”, but I do like to try to do certain things by specific times.  I’ve usually showered and fed the cats by now.   Obviously they’ll have to wait; after all, any time I’m gone (which won’t be happening any time in the foreseeable future) more than a day or two, I know no one is bothering to feed them every day like I do.

I don’t know what else I will do today.  It’s going to be very hot and humid, so I need to find things that require less exertion for the rest of the day.  But first I guess I better go get a shower and actually get the day started!

Day 72

Day 72

Sunday, June 8, 2014

It seems a lot of mornings I come across here as very grumpy and unhappy.  Perhaps the reason is that I don’t wake up feeling “good”.  I’m not aware of not sleeping well; but I wake up feeling achy and draggy.  Some days, like this morning but not always, I wake up faintly headachy. All of that tends to put me in a bit of a negative mood in the morning.

So, my goal is to (1) try to figure out why I’m not sleeping well, and (2) recognize morning grumps and not give in to them.  Not saying how well I’ll succeed .. and sometimes I just plain have bad days.  But I’ll try.

Sunday was a surprisingly good day.  It didn’t start well.  I didn’t want to get started on any project since I didn’t know what would happen later.  But around 11:30 (much earlier than I would have thought) DSS and TGF showed up … with truck and trailer; and no kids!   It turned into a very productive afternoon.

First of all, they took all the bags of VHSs I had stuck out on the porch, to take to the dump.  The cats had torn into the bags, but evidently quickly realized there was no food! LOL!   But the temptation is now removed, at least until more bags are filled. 

Next TGF started pulling all the old cameras out of the cabinet they’ve been in for many many years.  She identified what type each was, and as much info as she could.  The plan is to search on line and see what if any value any of them have.   Then they will probably be listed on Craigs List.  I’d much rather list them as a collection; but they’re determined to list by camera … hugely more complicated.  So of course they’ll handle it.  Naturally … and not much chance I’ll ever see a penny out of that.  But since I don’t expect them to be actually worth much, I’m not going to worry about it.  My instructions are that what isn’t sold is to be donated to the local museum .. and if they don’t want them, they’re trash.

After that project for some reason DSS brought the baby kittens inside.  It’s sort of funny how they are fascinating him.  They both played with the babies a bit, let them roam and explore.  This is all part of the project to get them socialized enough to make very good pets (sadly, not for us).  At one point they started “crying” a little, so I got some food.  I don’t have any kitten chow, but they’ve been eating regular cat food; just not much.  They ate maybe a few bites ..and went to sleep!  We put them in a chair so they wouldn’t get stepped on, and they went back to work.  TGF went through the pile of DVDs and picked some.  DSS started going through the stuff on the hall shelves .. especially books.  He picked out loads of books to keep (good because it sort of looks like he’s the only one who wants most of them).  He was looking through one pile of random stuff, and I was explaining it came out of a cabinet in the guest room, and there’s another one I hadn’t even looked in yet.  They wanted to see what was in it … and ended up emptiying that cabinet!  Even though that part doesn’t show, that’s big progress for me!

It was beginning to look “heavy”, so they decided they better hurry up and get the big stuff they brought the trailer for, and get home and unloaded before it rained, if it did (which it did not.  We really need rain badly).  They took the dresser, the small rolling cart, the stupid punching bag (that I never understood why was here anyway), and the rockng ram (to be put in the attic for when DGS15 has kids). Oh, and they took the pile of fishing rods.  They only big thing left in the room to go is a chair for DS .. he has to come 2 hours to get it and not until he can be sure he can come and get it home again without rain.  So, it waits.

Mid afternoon or so I got several emails from DIL, and one from DSis.   Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen circumstances, the visit to my niece has to be postponed.  It’s disappointing but just can’t be helped .. so I choose to look at it as still something to look forward to.  Meantime, hopefully DIL will still try to get some “background” information. 

DIL is trying very hard to draw everyone into a pattern of having someone come out here I think every week (not really clear on the frequency) to help me with stuff and just make sure I have someone with me.  It’s is above and beyond sweet and thoughtful of her.  I think a few of the people she wants to draw in are not so willing to commit;  but that’s OK too.   She  created a shared Google calendar .. I love the idea.  Too bad it’s too hard for me to actually read it!  But I’m sure she will keep me advised as to anything going on any particular day. 

Also she and the kids are coming here on Thursday.  She will help me get started on the cleaning my “office closet” project.  It’s a hundred times better than it used to be … but could be several hundred times better than it is.  I especially need help with making sure I’ve got important papers together, and not keeping a bunch of stuff no one needs.  I have a file drawer, a 2 drawer file cabinet, and a file box (made to hold hanging folders).  No one needs all that! LOL!  What I’d most prefer is to get all the important papers consolidated into the free standing box, and let DIL/DS take charge of that (keep in their home).  TGF can have the 2 drawer file cabinet along with the big one (she will have 6 classes, so that will give her a separate file drawer for each class.  As unreliable as she is most of the time, it’s odd how organized she is in terms of her teaching.  But anything I don’t actually need, I’m fine with giving to someone who wants it). 

Anyway, on Friday I will go back to NB with DIL.  On Saturday I will ride with them to the OBx for out “goodbye ceremony”.  I will ride back home with DSS & TGF.   And yes, thee is a sneaky ulterior motive …. I won’t get stuck paying for gas but one way!

The rest of the evening was remarkably boring.  There was nothing I wanted to watch on TV; and I didn’t want to start a book because I was afraid I’d doze off anyway.  Which I did … missed big chunks of the programs I did turn on! LOL! 

There is nothing going on today (Monday) as far as I know.  My “plan” is to finish that last shelf of tapes.  Since the cameras are now all over the den, I need to put them back in the cabinet.  They won’t be in any kind of order .. but they just need to *be* somewhere, and I don’t have any boxes to put them in.

I don’t know how long SIL’s house guest is staying,  so I guess there’s an “outside possibility” that she could come over.  I have a shelf full of craft books that I know she wants to look at (and hopefully take a lot of them with her).  She’s expressed an interest in quilting books, but I think I’ve already given away most if not all of what I had.  I am going to give her more fabric and batting.  Maybe if I go on and put that in a bag, I can free up 2 tubs I can use … one as a temp home for the cameras, and one to use to start packing  ….  Though that might be a bit silly.  It will be months at the very least before any chance of a move  I need to concentrate on urging first.   But it won’t hurt to have empty boe on standby.

I guess if I want to accomplish stuff today, I best go get this day started.  I’ll get in the shower, then get the cats fed, and while they’re eating I’ll come back and get to the newsletter  Maybe I’ll have e verything done before too late in the day, get the last of the tapes sorted … and tackle the plant stand project that I really want to do! J