Day 188

Day 188
(Friday and) Saturday Novembber 30, 2013
Physical:
The last few days have been fairly "calm" .. no extreme episodes of any sort.  DH, as always, is convinced he's not "home"; and that he can walk anywhere he wants to.  But he's not been overly agressive with me about challenging this.  He's eaten fairly well, and is actually sleeping fairly well too.  His sleep is interrupted a lot with coughing, but it doesn't wake him to the point of trying to get up. He still drops off to sleep often during the day.
I also want to make a bit of a note about some observations.  It's been suggested that some of DH's confusion and/or disorientation come from not being able to tell the difference between dreams and reality.   This would certainly explain some of the odd things he says (as opposed, as other say, to just living in a time warp) But there are also times when he is awake and reasonably alert, and says something "off".  I can explain to him, and then he will say something else that shows me whatever I just said did not register at all.   I'm sure it must be scary for him to not know where (or when) he is; it's certainly weighs heavy on my heart that there's no way to make it easier for him.  I'm told to just "go along" with him .. but sometimes that's just not possible.
People:
Friday was a quiet day, only the CNA coming for DH's bath.  She went on and got him dressed and up this time (which is a bonus for me ... very small matter, but I welcome any "break" I get!). 
On Saturday we had company, my brother and sister-in-law and our niece.  They brought pizza, and we had a wonderful visit.    I wish it were possible to see more family (his and mine), but everyone has busy lives and most live too far away.  
Emotions:
All over the place!  I enjoyed visiting with family, both Thursday and Saturday.  I have a treasure of a daughter-in-law who, despite multiple health issues of her own, has shown a lot of care and concern for me.  But there are long stretches of time where we have no contact with anyone (not even from DSS or TGF, though we see them every weekend); and when I hear from someone, they'll ask how DH is doing.  No one ever asks how I am doing or if I need anything.  Well, his sister did tell me that if I needed anything to let her know .. and I asked if she would come over one afternoon and help me sort books.  She said she would; but that was 2 weeks ago, and she never came.  She told me on the phone she just hadn't had a chance to get over here (she lives 3 miles down the road and is retired).  But she did have time to go to DSS's house in town to look for pecans.  Oh well, this is how it goes.  It feels like people offer to do something because they think they're "supposed" to do that; but they want me to say "thank you, I'll call" and then forget about it.
I'm also feeling sad because it's now December 1st and I have no Christmas decorations done.  I used to have a friend who helped me, and did almost all of the outside stuff as well as helping inside.  But she doesn't have time to bother with me any more.  And really, between taking care of DH, keeping up with ordinary household stuff, and everything being a struggle because of my vision .. I just don't know if I even feel like bothering any more.  I used to practically beg people to come over and enjoy the decorations; but everyone is mostly just too busy.  If I can't see things (not stumbling in the dark blind yet, but can't see any detail at all), and DH has never cared one way or the other, and very few people want to bother to come out here .. then why go to all that effort?
OK, today is the day DSS and crew come, so I need to get busy and stop feeling so sad.  I'm hoping I can persuade TGF to spend a day here so I can get a "day off".  I've had 3 half days "off" (NOT going to the grocery store!) in the last 9 months, and I'm really stressed and tired!!