Day 202

Day 202
Friday December 13, 2013
Physical:
DH rarely sleeps "well" at night any more due to coughing and wheezing.  I have raised the head of the bed as much as he'll tolerate, because he seems to do it less when he slees in the recliner.  But other than that, the last 2 nights he did OK - at least no waking up determined to get out of *the shower* or *the car* or whatever strange place he thought he was.  As usual, he pretty much eats what I put in front of him; but if I give him too much, he just doesn't eat it.  
He continues to seem to have trouble taking his pills; but that also is worse when he's laying down, or even just sleepy.  He holds them in his mouth instead of swallowing; sometimes he tries to chew them.  When he finally does swallow them (with or sometimes without water) he sounds like he's strangling.  I hate to have to sit the bed up for those pills, but I think it will soon come to that.
People:
The dialysis nurse came, early in the morning.  I found out about the change in appointment (seems like I said this yesterday .. a lot of mornings it's late before I can write, and I tend to overlap morning stuff!)  The CNA came in the early afternoon.  She was a sub (regular lady had a vacation day) - a tiny person, so I had to get DH u and down.  Which, of course, I'm used to doing.
TGF stoppped by in the afternoon for me to give her some $$ (to pay back for lunch Wednesday, since it was my idea).  It always has to be worth her while to take the time to do anything for us.
Emotions:
I felt very depressed and weey after TGF left.  She was complaining about how busy her Saturday would be ... she *had* to go shopping in the morning because her church was buying Christmas gifts for her children (and this is over and above the tablets she put on layaway); then she *had* to take one to one sport and the other to another sport; then she *had* to go to a Christmas party.  Oh gee, how will she find time to clean house?  Oh, I know.  She'll just have to cut short the time they spend here on Sunday.  She knows I have a longer than usual list since it's been 2 weeks (plus I really want to *try* to do some baking if I can ever get anyone to help me at least print some recipes large enough); so that means there won't be time to cook, so *I* will have to provide takeout.  Again.  (the deal is I buy food for Sunday dinner, she cooks, with enough left overs for each of us.  If there's no time to cook, I still get to buy food.)  
I know, I'm starting to sound nasty.  I do appreciate that they try to help.  I don't appreciate that their help always has a price tag.
I have gotten a lot of decorating done.  I'm trying not to be discouraged about what I didn't get done .. but it's hard when I can't do what I wanted.  The outside of my house looks trashy and neglected.  I haven't even been able to get the Halloween decorations back to the barn (every time there's been someone here to watch DH long enough for me to do things outside, it's been either way too cold or raining).  I can only go through my Christmas boxes upstairs in the afternoon, because otherwise there's not enough light for me to see what I'm looking for.  There are several things I haven't found yet; and while I know perfectly well it doesn't matter to anyone else, it matters to ME.  It's very demeaning when people insist on telling me that the things that matter to me just aren't important.
I spend so much time here alone, that it becomes frustrating when visits overlap.  I'm greedy.  I want to stretch them out.  Then things change, and I'm trying to figure out what's going to happen when.
Today at least DS and family are coming.  It will end up being a very short visit.  They're not coming until early afternoon; but will have to head home before dark due to - again - rain.  If there's time - and before the rain gets here - I hope to at least make a run to the grocery store so I can shorten tomorrow's list.  It's just wait and see for now.
So I guess I need to get this day started.