Day 90

(Wednesday and)Thursday August 22, 2013
Physica:
In some ways, there almost seemed to be improvement.  A touch more "alertness", maybe a tiny bit more energy.  Or maybe I was only fooling myself.
Clinic day is always hard though.  He made the statement earlier this week that he hated going to clinic.  He couldn't tell me why - the stress of the physical act of going?  the fact that the only reason he has to go is because they so dearly love to jam needles into him?  the exhaustion the whole day cuases?   some combination of all of that?
This was, once again, a day I couldn't get him in and out.  It was only a small struggle to get him in this time.  I had (minimal) help getting him out (even though I've been told the staff is not supposed to assist patients outside of the building).But home again was the same problem as always: he just can't get his legs straight under him.  So when I try to get him Up, he just slides sideways.  If he can't get upright, I just can't get him into the wheelchair.  So, once again, he barely got onto the edge of the seat.  We tried to pull him into the house as we had to do once before; but this time he just slid right off the seat as soon as we got to the ramp.  It was hot, and starting to sprinkle, so I just dragged him by his arms up the ramp.  Then I stopped long enough to get milk and meat into the house, and called DSS.  I did finally drag him all the way into the house; I got his oxygen going, but he couldn't (or wouldn't) keep the canula on.
When DSS got there we got him into the wheelchair and then on his bed.  He said he didn't feel good, and it was because of that whole "ordeal".  But he had told the nurse at clinic he didn't feel good (hadn't said that to me before).  She implied it was MY fault, because his oxygen tank was running low.  I guess there's some logic in there somewhere.
He did get up around 6:30 or so, and ate some dinner.  He went back to bed by 8:30.  The alarm went off several times, but because he got the tubing wrapped around his arm, or pinched under him.
People:
Only the nurses at clinic, and DSS briefly.
Emotions:
Frustrated, and too tired.  For awhile during the evening I felt bad too, over tired from dragging him (plus getting him up and down later) and then had to set up dialysis.