Day 88

(Saturday through) Tuesday August 20, 2013
Physical:
As near as I can tell, he hasn't changed much; but then, he has practically no real "activity" so it's harad for me to judge.  His breathing seems about the same, lots of coughing and wheezing, even with the oxygen.  His sat actually went up to 96%; but that might have been the first time it was tested at complete rest when he'd had the oxygen on all night.
His mental status is deteriorating.  He almost always now *thinks* he can do things, like get up and walk. I can't watch hiim 24/7, and there's no realistic way to physically restrain him.  It's a matter of listening, of constant vigilance, frequent checking.  He may eventually be completely bed-ridden.  (well, no, technically he never will, because the dialysis center MUST see him that once a month even if everything else works out.  Hospice doesn't "recognize" the kidney disease as long as he's on dialysis.  And Medicare doesn't "recognize" hospice in connection with the kidney disease).  
I keep doing as much as I can to keep him up at least some of the day.  
People:
The neighbors quit coming over.  Last week, and over the weekend, either we had someone here a lot or it was raining (or both).  Butby Tuesday it cleared up; all visotrs (aide and insurance man) came in the morning; and still they didn't come.  I guess I hurt her feelings, or made her mad.  Either way, I'm sorry they don't come over at all.  But if it's either that or be smothered, then they can stay away.  Carl came in the evening to do the heparin injection, get his birthday card, visit a bit.
Emotional:
Lately I'm too tired to be depressed.  I stay weepy a lot, but that's a combination of my eyes giving me so much trouble and exhaustion (frequent alarms during the night lately, though I *think* I know something I can do that will solve that problem), added to the constant sadness.
My eyes aren't going to get better.  The sadness isn't going to go away.  I better find a cure for the alarms so I can at least get sleep at night!