Day 84

Friday, August 16, 2013
Physical: 
This actually was a mostly good day.  The aide came early; in fact, I was getting him disconnected when she called to say she was on the way.  So he was bathed and up  by around 11:30.  
Since I had help, he got to spend most of the afternoon in the recliner.  He was up for about 5 hours, much better than "usual" for him.  He was, however, noticeably "out of it" .. not completely alert or tuned in to what was going on around him.
He went back to bed about 5:00, but around 7:30 or so called me.  He said he wanted me to help him get up, and when I asked why he said because it was time.  When I was trying to get him sitting up, he wanted me to stop and get his shoes.  I told him I'd get them on his feet after he got in the wheelchair, since he couldn't sit up without something behind him.  But, once I got him into the wheelchair, he started fiddling with the commode, and finally flipped the seat up.  I had to ask if he wanted to get on it.  (suppressing urge to scream at this point - he did not say or imply that's why he wanted to get up!).  
After sitting more than half an hour, when I asked if he was ready to get up, he said he was getting ready to.  Again, the same thing that both drives me crazy and scares me.  More and more, he is convinced he can do things that he cannot do.  I figured I'd give him a few minutes and go back and help.  So when I go back, he's on his knees on the floor.  From that point I had a MOST distressing hour, trying to figure out what to do.  He used to be able to get up himself once he could get on his knees; but this time he couldn't grasp the concept of getting his feet up under him to push.  I finally hit on the idea of raising the bed .  That elevated him enough for me to just push the wheelchair close enough behind him, and hold it, and help him just back into it.  I still make the mistake of asking him what he wants to do ... he just doesn't cope with choices any more.  But he finally decided to just get back in bed.  At that point, I got him undressed and into the bed.  I finished the dialysis set up and got him connected.  By then he was ready to eat something.  At lunch I had given him a piece of chicken and some cantalope.  He never ate more than a few bites, but got gagged and wouldn't eat any more.  He said it was because he ate too fast; but I suspect it was a coughing spell.  Anyway, the only thing he would eat at night was some watermelon.  That must have tasted pretty good, because he ate 2 bowls full (cut into bite size pieces).  Long before his final pills he was snoring.
People:
The only people we saw were DSS and DGS20.  They stayed all afternoon and that was nice.  They left about the time DH went back to bed.
Emotions:
Exhausted. Drained. Frustrated. Sad. Scared.