Day 180

Day 180
Thursday, November 22, 2013
*note  I did not realize it had been several days since I updated.  Every now and then the days all just "pile up". There has been no drastic change,, just chugging along day by day.
Physical
While last week DH mostly just wanted to stay in bed, and seemed very weak .. this week he's been wanting to get up and down a lot.    A few mornings he woke up very early (as early as 5 AM) .. most of the week he's been looking for car keys, or trying to start the car.  As always, his mind is somewhere in the distant past.  And as always, he wants to go home but is newly surprised each day that I (or someone) went to the trouble of duplicating all his things from home!
His aplpetite has been better ... but mainly because he's been eating food from his sister's cookout (mainly the barbecued pork) all week.   He did better than he does with my cooking .. but then, I cook less and less (it's scary to try to cook something when you can't even tell if ground beef is browned or not!).
He's not had any more episodes of not taking his pills, although every once in awhile he gets annoyed at so many of them.
People
From his point of view there haven't been many people here.  The CNA has come every day, and the nurse came Wednesday (though not as early, and she and the CNA were here at the same time).  I've not heard another word from the social worker, and it's been 4 weeks (today, Friday) since she last came.  (I would like to think she's embarrassed to come because of broken promises ... we apparently are not getting any "volunteer" help of any sort).  But I doubt she's even thought about it.
The neighbor came yesterday afternoon.  Oh, forgot, she brought some soup over a few days ago .. so hot I couldn't even breathe fumes from it!!  Nice gesture, but we couldn't eat it).  The oldest daughter came with her, they wanted to use the phone.  Then they talked for a few minutes, then as always wanated to pray for Jimmy.  Now, clearly, neither of us has any objection to someone wanting to pray.  But I find her a bitoverwhelming.  I don't speak Spanish, but can pick up a word or two and a friend who droppped by overheard some, and was getting the same impression.  The lady does not understand DH's condition, so has decided that he's merely very old and feeble.  She *demands* that God "cure" or "heal" him immediately.  I'm familiar with the concept of "claiming a victory" but I've never seen it applied this way.  It makes me very uncomfortable.  And it makes me even more uncomfortable to be in a position of questioning the way someone prays!  But at least I can say DH has no clue what's going on, and he's OK with it all.
On Thursday I had a lady come in half the day and help me clean ... she's excellent at getting dusting in particular, and gave the whole house a really good thorough cleaning.  He did not get out of bed until after she left .. shortly after she was done the CNA got here for his bath.  I told her just go on and get him up.  All week he's been saying he wantd to stay in bed but less than an hour after she leaves, he wants to get up.
Emotions
Frayed around the edges to say the least.  The stuff with the neighbor makes me uneasy, and no one to talk to about it (the friend that was here never listens to me, she just talks all the time.  she never asks how I'm doing.  She claims she doesn't like to be around DH becuase it upsets her to see him going through the same thing her mom did.  I tell her he's not in pain .. and she insists he is and just doesn't want to tell me or he's in terrible pain on the inside, she can tell even though he can't. Huh?  )
It keeps the blues away if I keep busy but there are times there's nothing I can do, or I'm too tired  or have achy joints.  Sometimes crying spells sneak up on me.
I've been working on cleaning house (not the washing and dusting done yesterday, but organizing and purging drawers and closets).  My failing vision has forced me to start giving away books, and that really hurts.  It's kind of a "Catch 22" I guess .. depressing to sit around and do nothing but listen to the TV (yes,  I can "see" it, but only a blur of color and movement).  It also depresses me to give away things I love.  It depresses me to be stuck here all the time with so little contact with family or friends (and sorry, but a lady the age of my boys who doesn't even speak English is not my idea of a "friend"!).   There have been very few times I've been away from DH any length of time, and then only when he was with family.  I need a break, I need to get away to do something besides grocery shopping but at the same time, I'm uneasy about leaving him ... there are just so many "variables".
Today, at least, might be busy.  The dialysis nurse is coming by to draw blood for labs for the clinic appointment next week (no way to get out of that.  Medicare doesn't care what condition a person is in .. if you're on dialysis, you MUST physicallly see a nephrologist once a month.The CNA will come today.  DH's sister told me she'd come one afternoon this week to help sort some books.  She hasn't come yet if she doesn't come today, I won't bother to call her.  She's always saying call if you need anything .. but what's the use if she doesn't show up anyway?  
My friend *might* show up today; but she's let me down so often I really don't count on anything.  
My friend offered to stay with DH for a day so my DIL can take me to a Christmas parade (my DGD is in marching band in the parade).  There is NO WAY I would leave her to take care of DH for a day!  For one thing, every single time she comes over here she's limping and yelping how much this or that hurts .. she would not be capable of moving him.  I dodn't know if anyone else would either, but I know she can't.  For another, she gets all blubbery because the sound of the oxygen concentrator reminds her of her mom.  And I won't leave DH with someone who claims to have so much "insight" that she knows how he feels and what he's thinking, even when he doesn't!  And if she got all weepy again talking about her mom, I'm afraid she'd get him upset.  So no matter how well meaning her offer was, that will NOT happen!  If there's no one I can trust completely available at the time, then I'll have to wait for a different opportunity.  
It's time to get this potentially busy day started.