Day 165

Day 165
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Physical:
It was not a "remarkable" day, which are beginning to be the "red letter" days.  After his bath he was up in his chair for several hours.  He had to have the TV so loud that I had to leave the room.  In the mid afternoon he was ready to lay back down.  I had gotten the bed remade with fresh sheets, so just got him undressed and back into bed.  He woke up in the late afternoon, but didn't want to get up.  After some evening TV (regularly watches "Big Bang" reruns from 7 to 8) and some super, he was ready to sleep.
He did wake up around 4 AM again, and throw the covers off  But when I went in and covered him back up, said it was 4 AM and no matter where he thought he was (for the last 2 days he's been "in a church"), it was time to sleep  He went back to sleep (took me much much longer).  
He ate fairly well too; and took all his pills without protest.
People:
It was actually a nice day.  The nurse came very early, as I sort of expected.  She spent more time here than usual .. I think she wasn't feeling well, and said she was "comfortable".  I welcomed the talk with her.  Except, of course, she started on again about how I need to talk to the "family" about how they've got to find a way to help me more.  I just agreed with her (and will talk to the boys at Thanksgiving); but nothing is going to change.  The only one even remotely in a position to spend more time here is DSS.  Not only is he too much in denial to handle it, his GF would resent it too.
The CNA came around mid day, got him washed up, and that's when he got up.
In the early afternoon, the chaplain came by.  Wow, someone actually kept a promise!  (when here last he'd said he'd come back in about a week and a half and tell us about his missionary trip to Ireland).  He is a delightful story teller, and just made me want to go to Ireland more than ever.  He also told us about the particular "outreach" program he was working with.   What a wonderful program!  I totally enjoyed his visit; and I believe DH did also.  After the trip, we also talked a lot about family, holidays, and such.  It was nice, and it was good that he was able to draw DH into the conversation a little bit.
emotions:
I wish I was better at expressing things.  I seem to only be really good at getting across the wrong message.  I don't like having to be "careful" what I say for fear of hurting someone's feelings.  But the truth is, while I do welcome visits from friends, I ache for more closeness with family  I understand everyone is spread far and wide, and all have very busy lives.   Understanding doesn't mean I have to like it!  Friends come and go (in my case, apparently mostly go); but family is a special bond.  
On the mornings when my sleep has been interrupted - especially rainy mornings - I get very weepy.  When I get back to sleep for short naps I have odd dreams (have dreamed about my parents often lately).  I check email, and there's nothing there.  And so another day starts.
As difficult as this is getting, I don't know how long I'll be able to keep up the blog, but I'll try.