Day 167

Day 1678
(Thursday and) Friday November 8, 2013
Physical:
The last few days have been fairly uneventful.   DH has been eating fairly well, sleeping through the night  His confusion stays about the same (most of this week he's thought he was in a church), but nothing extreme.  There have been no more episodes of loss of speech. His waking/sleeping are still somewhat at random, but he was up and in his chair most of the afternoons this week (which is good, since I keep forgetting to ask DSS to fix the over-bed table that I broke)..
People:
The  CNA came as usual.  On Thursday evening DSS came by.
Emotions:
I got some disappointing news, and totally over reacted.  I don't know why, since it wasn't actually unexpected.   But I think this is where my problem is.  I over react.  All my life I've been told I was "too sensitive".  I never understood why it was OK for anyone to hurt my feelings, but was not OK for me to care.  Now I'm finally beginning to understand.  The only way to survive in this world is to be cold and hard-hearted.  I don't know if I can be that, but obviously I need to try.  Or at least I can try to quit caring so much about things.
If I don't care so much about physical things, it's easier to keep giving stuff away - especially since I can't even see most of them anyway.  If I don't care about emotional things, then when I spend hours and hours sitting here alone .. no one to even talk to (except the cats) when DH is sleeping, and he usually has no idea what I'm talking about if he isn't I should be able to just work on cleaning dust and dirt that I can't see, or sit and stare into space, without *feeling* anything.   If I can learn to stop feeling, I won't be sad or disappointed or lonely or scared or tired or frustrated or anything. This is a challenge to myself: stop feeling, stop caring.  Just do what I have to do.