Day 35

One NEW Day At A TimDay 19 & 2

Day 35

Frisday, September 26, 2014

Yesterday was a mostly stay-in-room-quietly kind of day.  It was not as chilly and rainy; but it still was a bit sprinkly, and very gray.  It wa also still a bit on the cool side, but not terrible.  I really just didn’t want to do anything much.  Contrary to what anyone may think, I was not “hung over”.  I was just very sad. Many times during the day it ran through my mind that I just wanted to go home.  I want my husband back, my home as crappy as it was, all my flea bag cats, and my ratty overgrown yard.

DN was in a “conciliatory” mood, which always happens after she’s been mad about something.  I “stood up” to her, refused to go along with a plan that did not work for me.  Didn’t matter, she got mad anyway.

While she was gone to the library in the morning I got showered and dressed; and I finished dealing with the few small items left in my room.  There is still a corner of clutter, but it’s contained.  The majority is fabric, and a few other things … but I know what they are and where.

DN came back with a salad and a coke  as a peace offering.  I was not “not speaking” or anything  I just didn’t feel like doing anything but sitting here rocking.  Maggie napped with me off and on during the day, so it was just that kind of day.

In the afternoon DS picked up DN and took her to a doctor’s appointment.  While they were gone I pushed myself to get up briefly.  I did pull a large container (upright laundry basket) out of the front closet, sort through it, and put it with the things to go to storage with some overflow items.  I put laundry items in the linen closet.  It’s not a complete overhaul of the front closet, but it’s much better; what’s in there can be accessed now.  I may eventually want to pull everything out; but that is much less important than the other closets now.

When DN got home she was not, as she had predicted, in a bad mood.  She was not only in a good mood, she was extremely *helpful* (that’s not quite the right word but the best I can come up with right now).   She fixed supper (although we had left overs .. but that had been my suggestion because there were things that we needed to either finish or get rid of); she made a point of putting the TV on the channel with the programs I like (and again, my choice, I opted for my room for evening shows just because as limited as my vision is, I can come closer to telling what’s going on with my TV that sits so much closer to me.)

She even said “good night” … something she almost never does.

She brought me a bottle of wine, which I strongly suspect she had “help” with! LOL!  And hopefully I thanked appropriately. J

I’m not stupid enough to think it will always go smoothly.  But she likes the new doctor, which is a huge part of the equasion.   She got started right away on a new medicine, so maybe .. in time .. that will help too.  And she has a job interview at a store she would love.  Hopefully the new medicine plus working with a doctor she will cooperate with will keep her mood/attitude level enough to keep a job once she gets one.

I know there are some who have doubts that anything will change.  But I choose to be optimistic.  I am locked into the lease here for the next 11 months, so I have no choice but survive.  And since I don’t want to spend that time sitting in my room crying and depressed to near suicidal, I just HAVE to believe it will get better; and at the very least we can find a way to co-exist peacefully.

Today  I am going to go do a load of laundry … if I do it twice a week (not as often as I used to do it at home … I absolutely hate for dirty laundry and damp towels to pile up!) I at least only have to deal with manageable loads.  Later today I have to go to the bank.  I’d rather go alone, but I doubt I’ll get to.  While I know DN means well … and at times really is trying to be helpful … we will have to have a talk about the difference between helpful and controlling or over protective. I need to learn how to do things on my own, not have someone “guarding” me all the time.  And, ironically, it’s OK to go to BF’s house and let me stay here alone all weekend!

I don’t know what I’ll do over the weekend.  It’s supposed to be warmer again, so I will get out, even if it’s only to walk around the courtyard. I might go by the library to see if someone is there to help me download the software for audible books on my kindle.  But then, I might wait until a week day to do that. 

It’s getting “late” and I need to go on and get started at least on the laundry.   And then I will figure out what the rest of the day will hold. 

I sure do hope I hear from the Blind Society social group soon.  I really need some adult company sometimes, and it would be good to meet eople that I have something in common with!