One NEW Day At A TimDay 19 & 2
Day 35
Frisday, September 26, 2014
Yesterday was a mostly stay-in-room-quietly kind of
day. It was not as chilly and rainy; but
it still was a bit sprinkly, and very gray.
It wa also still a bit on the cool side, but not terrible. I really just didn’t want to do anything
much. Contrary to what anyone may think,
I was not “hung over”. I was just very
sad. Many times during the day it ran through my mind that I just wanted to go
home. I want my husband back, my home as
crappy as it was, all my flea bag cats, and my ratty overgrown yard.
DN was in a “conciliatory” mood, which always happens after
she’s been mad about something. I “stood
up” to her, refused to go along with a plan that did not work for me. Didn’t matter, she got mad anyway.
While she was gone to the library in the morning I got
showered and dressed; and I finished dealing with the few small items left in
my room. There is still a corner of
clutter, but it’s contained. The
majority is fabric, and a few other things … but I know what they are and
where.
DN came back with a salad and a coke as a peace offering. I was not “not speaking” or anything I just didn’t feel like doing anything but
sitting here rocking. Maggie napped with
me off and on during the day, so it was just that kind of day.
In the afternoon DS picked up DN and took her to a doctor’s
appointment. While they were gone I
pushed myself to get up briefly. I did
pull a large container (upright laundry basket) out of the front closet, sort
through it, and put it with the things to go to storage with some overflow
items. I put laundry items in the linen
closet. It’s not a complete overhaul of
the front closet, but it’s much better; what’s in there can be accessed
now. I may eventually want to pull
everything out; but that is much less important than the other closets now.
When DN got home she was not, as she had predicted, in a bad
mood. She was not only in a good mood,
she was extremely *helpful* (that’s not quite the right word but the best I can
come up with right now). She fixed
supper (although we had left overs .. but that had been my suggestion because
there were things that we needed to either finish or get rid of); she made a
point of putting the TV on the channel with the programs I like (and again, my
choice, I opted for my room for evening shows just because as limited as my
vision is, I can come closer to telling what’s going on with my TV that sits so
much closer to me.)
She even said “good night” … something she almost never
does.
She brought me a bottle of wine, which I strongly suspect
she had “help” with! LOL! And hopefully
I thanked appropriately. J
I’m not stupid enough to think it will always go
smoothly. But she likes the new doctor,
which is a huge part of the equasion.
She got started right away on a new medicine, so maybe .. in time ..
that will help too. And she has a job
interview at a store she would love.
Hopefully the new medicine plus working with a doctor she will cooperate
with will keep her mood/attitude level enough to keep a job once she gets one.
I know there are some who have doubts that anything will
change. But I choose to be
optimistic. I am locked into the lease here
for the next 11 months, so I have no choice but survive. And since I don’t want to spend that time
sitting in my room crying and depressed to near suicidal, I just HAVE to
believe it will get better; and at the very least we can find a way to co-exist
peacefully.
Today I am going to
go do a load of laundry … if I do it twice a week (not as often as I used to do
it at home … I absolutely hate for dirty laundry and damp towels to pile up!) I
at least only have to deal with manageable loads. Later today I have to go to the bank. I’d rather go alone, but I doubt I’ll get
to. While I know DN means well … and at
times really is trying to be helpful … we will have to have a talk about the
difference between helpful and controlling or over protective. I need to learn
how to do things on my own, not have someone “guarding” me all the time. And, ironically, it’s OK to go to BF’s house
and let me stay here alone all weekend!
I don’t know what I’ll do over the weekend. It’s supposed to be warmer again, so I will
get out, even if it’s only to walk around the courtyard. I might go by the
library to see if someone is there to help me download the software for audible
books on my kindle. But then, I might
wait until a week day to do that.
It’s getting “late” and I need to go on and get started at
least on the laundry. And then I will
figure out what the rest of the day will hold.
I sure do hope I hear from the Blind Society social group
soon. I really need some adult company
sometimes, and it would be good to meet eople that I have something in common
with!
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