One NEW Day At A Time
Day 16
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Yesterday was a horrible day. It started nicely enough, with the cable guy
setting up my TV. But after he left, it
went downhill. I made the mistake of
wondering if TGF was going to be able to get here in the afternoon … why is it
that it is ALWAYS *my* mistake? I can’t
live like this. I’m lonlier than I was
the last few months with DH. At least I
could talk to him. Now I can’t say a
word at all for fear of accidently saying the wrong thing.
DN flew into a rage; and when I asked her (and I did NOT
raise my voice) to leave it alone, stop meddling in something that was none of
her business … she screamed and cussed at me.
(the cussing didn’t bother me .. I’ve been known to have potty-mouth
when made enough … but I can’t tolerate being screaming at by a 3 year old
brat).
I’m trying very hard to cope. I have a lot to deal with already. I resent that now that I’m old and going
blind, suddenly I’m worthless. She’s
allowed to hahave as badly as she pleases, and I’m told “well you know how she
is” or “you should have know she would be like that” and I’m supposed to be OK
with it.
And right now .. for the record .. if anyone doesn’t like anything
I say … just don’t bother to read this blog!!
I’m fast learning that I’m not allowed to talk at all; but I will not be
told I can’t write out my feelings.
After DN left for the day, I got busy. I unpacked a few more boxes, and rearranged
some things. I cleaned the entire
apartment .. dusting, vacuuming, mopping.
It’s a bit of a waste of time if I’m the only one who cares; and not what the “agreement” was supposed to
be. However, I’m also realizing that an “agreement”
is only to make sure I pay my share .. other terms in it have already been
totally disregarded.
Anyway, the cleaning was done, and it did (and for now does)
look nice.
Late in the afternoon DN called … and *informed* me what she
was going to do even though I told her it was already being done. I ended up hanging up on her … she wasn’t
listening to me anyway, and I’d already had enough of being screamed at.
It was just after dark before TGF got here (they’d already
had to take 2 loads to their house, and have to go back today to finish). She had everything she was supposed to have
except some of the outside plants … she will take them to her house (and try to
keep them alive .. though all she has to do is leave them where they get rained
on) and bring them later. We got
everything to storage, and I retrieved a couple of things. She took home with her the boxes I had saved
for her, so at least some of the excess clutter is gone. But there wasn’t time to take any of the
extra stuff her to storage. I’ll have to
wait until next weekend when my DIL can take me over.
One of the things I did yesterday was go through a lot of
pictures again. It is totally breaking
my heart, but the majority are in boxes to go back to storage. This is in addition to more than half that
were put in storage to begin with. I will have as many of my personal (family)
pictures as I can cram into my room at least.
I got more of my floor space cleared (some of the piled up
stuff was the pictures). Today I’m going
to just rest and try to enjoy the clean apartment .. and the peace for however
long it lasts.
At some point, if I survive thisturmoil, I have to find
someone who can actually help me with some things. DN is trying to help … but only to the degree
she understands. And she’d rather try to
control me than teach me. I’m not allowed
to have the internet password, even though I’m expected to help pay for it …
apparently she assumes I will just hand it out to everyone I meet, which I find
extremely insulting. She clearly doesn’t
think MY son has any right to have internet access when he comes here. (she won’t even put it on my Kindle .. says
she will, but not until she’s good and ready and nevermind how I feel about
that). She keeps going on about bus
schedules, but we’ve yet to ride a bus (though I have a pass .. and offered to
pay half her fare when she’s helping me learn the bus routes). I can’t *learn* anything if she insists on
Telling me we’ll do this or that. I’d
like the numbers of the busses I would need to be written on a chart I can see …
for whatever reason, she either doesn’t understand that or doesn’t want me to
have that. I seriously hope I’m not
going to be expected to just stay here and clean all day when she goes to
work!!! I’ve been looking forward to
more independence. Perhaps today is the
day for that. I have no clue when DN
will be home, so I don’t know what her plans are for today. I can’t take anything out of the freezer
because I don’t know for sure what she wants or where it is.
I don’t know how hot it is supposed to be; but if I go on
and get showered and dressed, I can go out and enjoy the cool morning. Or maybe I’ll take my time and go treat
myself to lunch somewhere. I don’t know
what I’ll do, but I do believe I’ll get outside and make a start on reclaiming
some independence.
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