I actually had planned to call Dish Network to inquire about their internet plans. It wasn't available here when I got Hughesnet; but they've been doing a lot of advertising about their expanded coverage. But, then this morning a Hughesnet tech called. He said he'd be here in an hour, and I was very surprised - until he he went to verify the addresss. Seems he had mixed my work order up with someone else. Hmmm .. karma? He hesitated a bit, and then said he'd be here. And, he was.
The UPS truck had not only knocked the satellite so hard it lost the signal - the post it's on is wobbly! Turns out the installer should have set it in concrete; and it really should have been set farther away from the driveway too. He's going to submit the charge to their insurance, and we'll see what happens. Also, he showed me (and saved it to my bookmarks) how to check for signal strength ... so I can get someone to help me set the post more securely (they'd charge me again for someone to come do it!).
Well, anyway. I have internet back. It's wrong to depend on it so much, but I do. Even with poor vision, I can enlarge the print. Every day I scan all the folders I have, hoping there will be some email. And most of the time, all that's ever there is junk mail. But I do send my newsletter. And I check FB for any status updates or messages from family. I pay my bills online too. And I keep in touch with the clinic and the dialysis nurse too.
I've been weaning myself off ... spending less time.
This morning, just as the repair guy was finishing up and leaving, my brother called. What a lovely surprise that was! Seems my sister shared an email I sent her in response to her asking how are things *really*. They ask what they can do ... and all I can say is to keep in touch. I just get to feeling so very alone.
So, I've babbled on and on. The point of this blog was supposed to be tracking Jimmy's condition .. for however long I have to track it. He will never, ever be hospice, since the ONLY way he'd be on hospice is for us to discontinue dialysis. I understand hospice is a very good program under the right circumstances. But since it won't work for us, I honestly don't want someone - who is not available to help us when we need it - to be coming in at the last minute. Yes, I know, it would be someone to handle things. Well, his boys will just have to man up.
I know there will be a lot of stuff to take care of. One thing Jimmy has consistantly refused to discuss is any sort of "final arrangements", other than to say he doesn't want to "be a vegetable" and he does NOT want a "big fancy expensive funeral". Ha! Like his sisters won't try their best to force me to do what THEY want ... and after all, funerals are for the ones left behind!
I've been thinking about it ... I think perhaps the reason he's always refused to sign a DNR (refused by being passive .. simply not answering the questions) ... when he was earlier in the transplant program, he firmly believed they were going to work "magic" and make him better; and he thought a DNR gave doctors permission to give up on him. And now, as he's slowly coming to accept that he won't get better .. he still thinks a DNR means they/we will give up on him. I wonder if somewhere in his damaged mind he still thinks he will get better?
That's enough thinking for tonight. Tomorrow Brent and Cindy and the kids will be here. I really, really hope having them here will perk him up a bit ... maybe get him interested in something other than sleeping.
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