Day 28

I haven't written for several days now.  While I am recording my feeling, I don't want to turn this into just a venue for complaining.
Last Thursday when Jimmy was at the clinic they said his fluid was "cloudy" (I think I mentioned it in a previous post).  Over the weekend he's been very lethargic, weak, and refuses to give up the BIPAP for more than a few minutes at a time (I insist he take it off when moving from one room to another - so afraid it would be a trip hazard!). This morning he said he felt like he was trying to breath under water.
Also, his B/P has been going up and down - but then, it's always been doing that.

This afternoon the nurse called.  They had the results of the fluid testing, and wanted to come by to give him a dose of an antibiotic.  When they (our regular nurse, Doreen, plus one she is training, Barbara) got here, Doreen said the tests showed something about white cell count.  I didn't really grasp it (I got the feeling she didn't either); but any way, the doctor ordered the antibiotic for 3 days a week for 2 weeks.  She's trying to see if the Paliative Care people will consider handling that .. I sort of doubt it, as it doesn't seem they do anything helpful.  Doreen also seemed to me to imply that the doctor ordered the antibiotic but she didn't necessarily agree.  But, it might just be she's not happy about having to come way out here so many times.  Again.

I'm hoping the round of antibiotics will perk him up.  But I'm also concerned, because no matter how careful I try to be, he still gets another infection.  It's depressing and discouraging.  (DGS told Doreen he thought the peanutbutter made grandpa sick! LOL) .. because seriously, I try SO very hard to do everything right.  I'm super conscious of masks, hand washing, sanitizer.  I don't know what else I can do.  I'm also afraid that if he keeps getting infections every few months, eventually (sooner rather than later) a doctor will start trying to insist he go back to hemodialysis.  He's said multiple times he does not want to do that.  It would be a major issue on so many levels!  They can't force him to accept the change of course.  But they can refuse to continue to accept him as a patient.  If it came to that, I guess he'd agree to the hemo - but then he'd be so miseerable.  And if getting him to eat now is a challenge, I can't imagine how much harder it would be with those restrictions!

OK, I don't need to "borrow" trouble.  For today, this is just a brief update.