Day 24

It seems I write more in the morning than in the evening.  I have more time (since I wake up too early); my eyes aren’t as tired; and in general, I’m in at least a little better mood.  I know I seem to be turning the blog into a whine-fest.  I don’t mean to do that … but I seem to be writing more about my reactions to any given situation than the actual situation.

Yesterday was not a very good day.  To start with, the morning B/P was very high.  If it stayed that high several days I’d definitely be contacting a doctor (haven’t taken it yet today of course).  But, Jimmy got on up (DGS was here).  At lunch time I made him 2 sandwiches, but he only ate one.  More food wasted, as the other will only get eaten by the dog.  By 1:30 he was wanting to go lay down.  Well, that’s pretty normal.  I was waiting for GF to get here, so that with GF and DGS here, I could leave for a bit. 

There was a slight hitch to my plan.  When I went out to start the car, the battery was dead.  I’m quite sure I must have accidently left an inerior light on (when we came home Monday it had been raining).  I called DSS, and he came over and jumped it.  I didn’t actually expect him to come right away; but he said he did so I could take advantage of DGS being there.  It was around 3:00 when I finally left (all I did was go to the bank, pay storage rent, and go to grocery store.  Nothing “exciting”, but I was ALONE!).  When DSS came, he went in and talked to Jimmy before he left. 

I got home around 5:00 or so.  Jimmy had the quilt partly over him, and had asked DGS to turn off the a/c, said he was too cool.  Hmmm. 

Around 6:00 I sent DGS to tell grandpa to get up.  Jimmy wouldn’t get up – he told GDS he’d “felt bad” when he first laid down.  Well, first thing he’s said to anyone about that!  So I went back to see if he was going to get up or not, and he told me too that he felt bad.  Nothing specific, no pain anywhere, but he felt bad.  He never did get up.

I finally went on and got the dialysis set up started.  But in the middle of that, he decided he had to sit on the B/C.  I had to help him stand up to get to it (he cannot seem to grasp that he cannot remain seated and “slide” over onto something that has arms.  He continually tries to do that, in several different circumstances.  He’s very weak, but also not willing to make any effort).  I had to wait – nearly an hour – before I could finish the set up.

For awhile there I wasn’t sure if I should call DSS to come take him to the ER.  I was so stressed .. I just HATE being in the position of trying to figure out what’s the right thing to do.  He doesn’t seem to be able to be specific about feeling bad … I have to try to ask if anything hurts, etc.

It really felt like I was being punished for actually leaving the house by myself for 2 lousy hours.  The last time I got out (my once-a-year treat, TGF takes me and her mom to a play for Mother’s Day), he also got sick.  He stayed “sick” from Saturday night until Monday morning.  But this time I was only gone 2 hours instead of 9.  I’m not saying he gets sick on purpose; but I really do believe at least some of it is (maybe not deliberately) pouting.  And I know, even as I’m saying this, that it doesn’t make sense.  For one thing, other than all the *stuff* I have to do, he’d WAY rather have DSS’s and/or DGS’s company!

Today is his weekly appointment with the dialysis nurse.  I had to use drainage bags last night so we take in fluids (they test regularly to be sure there’s no infection as well as to see how well he is dializing).  He was also supposed to pee in a jug, but didn’t.  Anyway, since he was already up on the B/C earlier, he won’t be telling me he feels too bad to get up.  If need be, DGS and I will get him up and dressed; he WILL be going in today!

OK, getting back to this later.  The car is crammed full of trash, and we will go by the dump first.  With help from DGS, Jimmy is not only up and dressed, he’s out on the porch (don’t need to leave for 10 more minutes!).

I used to get very annoyed at this weekly visit.  But lately, seems the nurse and the social worker are the only ones I can actually talk to who seem to comprehend what’s going on, and my frustration.  There’s really nothing they can do; but they keep trying at least! 

So, we’re off for another “adventure”!