Day 21

As I’ve said before, not writing every day since there’s not always much to say.  There are little things.  Like one night he went to sit on the bed, and missed, fell flat on the floor.  We got him up, but he did scrape one arm.  It wasn’t bad or deep, but he does bleed easily now; I got it cleaned and bandaged (he took the bandage off the next day, insisted it was fine.  I’m always afraid of him getting infections; but there’s no way I can force him to keep a bandage on his arm). 

Saturday some friends came for a visit.  He sat up while they were here (2 hours), and long enough for a sandwich after; but he was laying down by 7:00, and never got up again.

Yesterday DSS picked up his son at the airport.  We spent all afternoon thinking they’d come over; but not until around 5:00.  DSS was sick and didn’t come; and getting to see Michael meant we got TGF and her 3 as well as DGS.  At least I didn’t have to cook, they brought pizza.

Today TGF brought DGS over when she took the 2 little boys to school.  He couldn’t cut grass, it was rainy.  So he helped  DH get into the car, and we all went out.  First to drop off some trash, then get gas in the car.  Then we went to pay the rent.  It started pouring – really hard – on the way.  What a horrible nerve-wracking day of driving this was! 

We got the rent paid; picked up some med refills, and went to Wal-Mart.  I asked DGS to get a wheelchair for grandpa.  Well, for whatever reason he decided to get him an electric wheelchair (and I found out later they had talked about that at home last night, and he’d been told that wasn’t a good idea!).  DH had a hard time .. not good at direction, and kept going much too fast.  But he didn’t even realize he wasn’t *driving* well.  At one point DGS had to go to the restroom, and told grandpa to wait for him.  Gues what.  DH went riding off on his own … and it took DGS and I both going through the whole store twice to find him!  I was NOT a happy camper.

On the way home we also stopped at the Boost store to get my account number so I could change phones.  Geez, ridiculous how hard it was to get my own account number!  (Side note – not so sure if I’ll like the new phone; but, it has a bigger screen so I can see it better; and it’s a cheaper plan.  The rest I’ll figure out).

Right now, I just feel tired.  I’m depressed, discouraged, exhausted.  It was nerve wracking driving today (I shouldn’t be driving under any circumstances; but the chauffeur quit, so what can I do?).  By the time we got home I was SO tired; and really wasn’t able to get everything I wanted to (Wal-Mart just does not carry some of the items I prefer to get from Food Lion). 

When TGF came to pick up DGS, one of her boys was whining about “not fiar” that his older brother is out of school earlier than they are.  I nearly lost it!  I told her she needs to tell them “Life’s not fair, get over it”.  I told her it’s not *fair* that I feel like I’m in prison, it’s a major pain to get out of the house to do things that need to be done and never mind any hope of having any time to myself.  It’s not fair that I’m exhausted and frustrated and all of the family is too busy to help out.  It’s kind of like talking to a brick wall – she doesn’t “get it”. 

OK, I guess I’m just venting now.  Nothing is going to change. There’s still no word from the P/C lady – I didn’t expect there would be. There are no “rules” that apply, so we’re on our own.  I know the nurse and social worker at the dialysis center have recognized that help is needed (they see us every week, not every 3 to 6 months).  But there just isn’t anything, and I really don’t know how long I’m going to be able to hold on.

Oh, and tonight I tried to do the heparin injections.  I know DH can’t do it any more (last time he tried it took him 2 hours because he kept forgetting what he was doing).  DSS is “willing” to help.  But willingness isn’t much good if he’s not here (now he’s sick).  So, I figured I’d give it a try.  I don’t think I even got it into the syringe on several; I couldn’t get the needle into the valve.  This is another issue I’ll have to discuss with the nurse.