A Lot of Days Later

I have not updated in a very long time now.  There hasn’t seemed to be much point.  There is nothing in particular going on in my life that anyone would be interested in reading about. 

I once used to blog to express thoughts, feelings, emotions.  But since I received so much negative feedback, I quit.  It has been suggested that I make my blog “private”.  Well, I never advertised or invited anyone to read it … my take is that if someone doesn’t like what I say, they don’t have to read it.  But no one has the right to criticize how I feel.

We have been in the apartment 5 months.   I do not know what will happen this summer, but I know this arrangement can’t continue.  I accept that it’s all my fault.  Clearly I didn’t take good enough care of my husband, so he died.  Clearly I did something awful (don’t yet know what) that has caused me to be osing my vision.  And of course the only reason I have any trouble getting along now is that *I* have an attitude problem.  It’s up to me to adjust to everyone else’s temperament or attitude or emotional issues or whatever.

The weekend before Thanksgiving I went to the Christmas parade, which I enjoyed very much (especially the marching bands …. Which have always been my favorite part even when vision wasn’t an issue).  I did miss going to the Meadow Lights as I had done for the previous 15 years on that weekend.  Well, life has changed and I have no more “traditions”. 

Thanksgiving was spent at my sister’s house where both of my brothers (and all in-laws of course) were also visiting.  I very much enjoyed the time with family.

In December I spent a week with my son and his family, which was very nice.

On Christmas Eve my brother and sister in law took me to the Christmas Eve service at the church I’ve been attending.

I spent Christmas Day at my sister’s house.

On my birthday my brother, sister in law, and sister took me out to lunch at a very nice restaurant I had never been to before.

On New Year’s Eve my son and 2 grands (daughter in law was in CA with her parents) came to visit.  We went downtown to see the “Acorn drop” and fireworks.  On New Year’s Day they took me by my sister’s house where they stayed and watched the parade before heading home.  I spent the rest of the day there.

On the first Saturday in January my step-son, his girlfriend, and their combined 6 boys came to visit for a bit under 2 hours in the evening.  It was the only time I got to see my 2 GA grandsons, or any of the rest of them.

The Society for the Blind has been helpful, although everything with them takes weeks and months to happen.  I’m still waiting for one small item I was promised in early November.  However, the library (for the blind) has been most helpful.  I have a tape player and they send books on tape.  I seem to listen to them faster than they can send, and I frequently have gaps with no books.  And, occasionally their choices seem a bit odd (I did have to call and let them know I really wasn’t interested in listening to “Ware and Peace”).  After several months of waiting, I do have a talking clock which is useful.  And I have  a magnifier that is connected to a TV (small one not being used) that is very helpful.  There is a taxi service available but I’m waiting for assistance with the paperwork for that.  It has limitations but will still be useful in some ways, eventually.

I’ve enjoyed going to church, although that becomes more limited in winter.  I can no longer go on Wednesday nights because it’s simply too cold and dark to risk taking the bus (too far to walk to get to and from the bus).   Occasionally there’s an issue with a ride on Sunday morning, but not very often. 

I also go to a senior’s group that is actually through Parks and Recreation, but meets at the church.  They usually have a speaker with some sort of useful information, and a very nice lunch.

Otherwise, for the most part I get “out” to walk up to the laundry room; or take trash to the dumpster.  Maybe once a week or so I walk to the shopping center .. to the bank, or the drug store, or the Chik-Fil-A.  Every other week or so I walk up to the grocery store  … either on my own or to meet my roommate.  I don’t much care for those excursions as they are exhausting and mean carrying home what always ends up being a fairly heavy tote.

The bulk of my days, especially weekends, is rocking.  Or sitting here at the computer .. but I do less and less of that.  I do have a new computer .. purchased from a company who builds computer for the blind.  But the components are sitting on the desk, unattached.  So far no one has had time or inclination to get it connected.  Once it is plugged up, I still won’t be able to use it .. it will have to be converted to accept wireless internet.  Thanksfully it was very inexpensive, so I can just keep on using the laptop as long as I’m able (and it holds up).

I am looking forward to a trip in March.  That’s a long time off right now, and I know anything can happen.  But I choose to be optimistic, because I really need something to look forward to!