Day 17

One NEW Day At A Time

Day 17

Monday, September 8, 2014

This was a better day – as I knew it would be, because of course things always get better.  The difficulty is in never knowing when things could change.

Contrary to what I had thought, it did not get hot.  In fact it was cool and gray all day, getting progressively more overcast as the day went on.  In the morning, though, I got “brave”.  I decided I will not be as trapped as I felt before the move, and I had to take that first step sometime.  So .. I got out and walked.  And I walked all the way to the shopping center .. bought a sandwich (without having a clue what kind! LOL) .. and walked back home.  Because I went a little slower, and paid more attention to what I could tell of my surroundings, I not only had no problem at all; I wasn’t even all worn out when I got back.   It wa so very pleasant out, and the thought crossed my mind that I am looking forward to another month or so and enjoying fall leaves!  I’ll have a huge yard full of them, and don’t even have to rake! J

DN got home around 1:00ish.  Apologetic of course; and if I’m to survive at all, I have to try to “let it go”.  All except for the constant slight eddge of wondering what will happen next, and when.

It was pretty much a do nothing afternoon.  I mostly just watched SVU reruns, and dozed.  Both of us snacked a bit (though I had actually had lunch).  Then DN didn’t want to bother to fix supper.  That was fine with me, as I had also gotten a salad at the market.  It turned out there was something about the salad she didn’t like, so I ate half and have the rest for today. 

Even though I now have a working TV in my room, I can’t  figure out the remote.  DN got the TV turned on, and I finally managed to scrool down (the number buttons don’t seem to work) to the local station.  When I went to sleep, I just turned the sound all the way down and left it on.   A little silly .. I’d have preferred it off; but it’s not completely dark at night anyway, and I was tired enough for it to not matter. 

I woke early and got up to check windows.  It’s not raining in, so I turned up the sound a little for morning news .. and went right back to sleep for almost 2 more hours!    The rain has eased a bit, but it seems like it might be a bit of an all day rainy day. 

It’s September.  It’s a cool rainy day.  This feel “right”.  I hope by this afternoon I can come up with a surt of ambition .. but right now it doesn’t feel likely.  It feels like a good day to start listening to a book. J

Day 16

One NEW Day At A Time

Day 16

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Yesterday was a horrible day.  It started nicely enough, with the cable guy setting up my TV.   But after he left, it went downhill.  I made the mistake of wondering if TGF was going to be able to get here in the afternoon … why is it that it is ALWAYS *my* mistake?  I can’t live like this.  I’m lonlier than I was the last few months with DH.  At least I could talk to him.  Now I can’t say a word at all for fear of accidently saying the wrong thing.

DN flew into a rage; and when I asked her (and I did NOT raise my voice) to leave it alone, stop meddling in something that was none of her business … she screamed and cussed at me.  (the cussing didn’t bother me .. I’ve been known to have potty-mouth when made enough … but I can’t tolerate being screaming at by a 3 year old brat).

I’m trying very hard to cope.  I have a lot to deal with already.  I resent that now that I’m old and going blind, suddenly I’m worthless.  She’s allowed to hahave as badly as she pleases, and I’m told “well you know how she is” or “you should have know she would be like that” and I’m supposed to be OK with it.

And right now .. for the record .. if anyone doesn’t like anything I say … just don’t bother to read this blog!!  I’m fast learning that I’m not allowed to talk at all; but I will not be told I can’t write out my feelings.

After DN left for the day, I got busy.  I unpacked a few more boxes, and rearranged some things.  I cleaned the entire apartment .. dusting, vacuuming, mopping.  It’s a bit of a waste of time if I’m the only one who cares;  and not what the “agreement” was supposed to be.  However, I’m also realizing that an “agreement” is only to make sure I pay my share .. other terms in it have already been totally disregarded.

Anyway, the cleaning was done, and it did (and for now does) look nice.

Late in the afternoon DN called … and *informed* me what she was going to do even though I told her it was already being done.  I ended up hanging up on her … she wasn’t listening to me anyway, and I’d already had enough of being screamed at. 

It was just after dark before TGF got here (they’d already had to take 2 loads to their house, and have to go back today to finish).  She had everything she was supposed to have except some of the outside plants … she will take them to her house (and try to keep them alive .. though all she has to do is leave them where they get rained on) and bring them later.  We got everything to storage, and I retrieved a couple of things.  She took home with her the boxes I had saved for her, so at least some of the excess clutter is gone.  But there wasn’t time to take any of the extra stuff her to storage.  I’ll have to wait until next weekend when my DIL can take me over.

One of the things I did yesterday was go through a lot of pictures again.  It is totally breaking my heart, but the majority are in boxes to go back to storage.  This is in addition to more than half that were put in storage to begin with.    I will have as many of my personal (family) pictures as I can cram into my room at least.

I got more of my floor space cleared (some of the piled up stuff was the pictures).  Today I’m going to just rest and try to enjoy the clean apartment .. and the peace for however long it lasts.

At some point, if I survive thisturmoil, I have to find someone who can actually help me with some things.  DN is trying to help … but only to the degree she understands.  And she’d rather try to control me than teach me.  I’m not allowed to have the internet password, even though I’m expected to help pay for it … apparently she assumes I will just hand it out to everyone I meet, which I find extremely insulting.  She clearly doesn’t think MY son has any right to have internet access when he comes here.   (she won’t even put it on my Kindle .. says she will, but not until she’s good and ready and nevermind how I feel about that).  She keeps going on about bus schedules, but we’ve yet to ride a bus (though I have a pass .. and offered to pay half her fare when she’s helping me learn the bus routes).  I can’t *learn* anything if she insists on Telling me we’ll do this or that.  I’d like the numbers of the busses I would need to be written on a chart I can see … for whatever reason, she either doesn’t understand that or doesn’t want me to have that.  I seriously hope I’m not going to be expected to just stay here and clean all day when she goes to work!!!  I’ve been looking forward to more independence.  Perhaps today is the day for that.  I have no clue when DN will be home, so I don’t know what her plans are for today.  I can’t take anything out of the freezer because I don’t know for sure what she wants or where it is.

I don’t know how hot it is supposed to be; but if I go on and get showered and dressed, I can go out and enjoy the cool morning.  Or maybe I’ll take my time and go treat myself to lunch somewhere.  I don’t know what I’ll do, but I do believe I’ll get outside and make a start on reclaiming some independence.

Day 15

One NEW Day At A Time

Day 15

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Yesterday I had a marathon of phone calls; but I finally got everything on my list taken care of; and even remembered to call to pay an electric bill (that call wasn’t even on my list).   There are still things to handle, but  I’m closer; and at least I’m no longer paying several bills I didn’t need!

DN and I took a couple of loads of laundry over in late morning.  She had a friend come visit at lunch time, and then she went and put the laundry into a dryer.  Later we went and retrieved the laundry.  Oh, we’d also cleaned out the freezer so she took a bag to the trash bin too.

I didn’t really get much done in the way of organizing except I did tackle the kitchen a bit more. It’s so small, so I’m still working on ways to better organize or store a lot of things.   There isn’t much wall space, but I think with the right hanging solutions what little there is can be better utilized.

When BF got off work he took us to Roses and Food Lion.  I bought us a floor mat for the kitchen door (most often used).  We got a few groceries (didn’t need a lot), then came back here.  DN made homemade pizza .. it was very good.  Then we sat around “watching” a movie.  In my case, it was mainly listening and having no idea what was going on! LOL!

I didn’t have a very good night.  I got to sleep fine; but around 3:00 someone was singing out on the sidewalk.  And a few minutes after that, someone (I think upstairs) was pounding (really hard) on a door.  I even got up to make sure they weren’t at our door (it was that loud).  I got back to sleep but then had odd dreams and woke up again weepy.   Plus around 4:30 there was a loud noise .. sounded to me like a gunshot, but could have been any number of things.  I know I just need to get used to sounds of the city; I don’t believe I’ve ever lived in such a busy and populated area.  I like it, but it takes adjustment.  I imagine I will eventually sleep right through night sounds .. even if I have to have  “help”!

I’m writing late today because the day got off to a busy start.  DN had arranged for the cable guy to change the active TV from her room to mine (I did not know about that until later).  Anyway, they had misunderstood what we wanted.  So when the guy got here and we explained .. he connected my TV, left hers alone, and no charge.  Wow!!  Nice. J

Any minute now BF will get here to pick up DN and they’re going to the beach for the day.  Hopefully while I have the rest of the day to myself I will be productive.  Even though my room is much better, I still have a lot to do.  And I want to give the apartment a bit of cleaning while I have the chance.

Also, hopefully TGF will get here sometime late this afternoon with the last things to be retrieved from the  house.  I won’t know until later, so for now I’ve lost half the morning and need to get busy!

Day 14

One NEW Day At A Time

Day 14

Friday, September 5, 2014

Yesterday didn’t turn out quite like I thought it would.  Big surprise, right?  To begin with, I needed to find some documentation I thought I would need.  I got very frustrated at not being able to find it.  Plus it turned out DSis was coming earlier than I thought.  So, I rushed to get showered and dressed; and I got a mountain of dishes done.  There wasn’t time for anything else.

We went by the office and got a copy of my lease .. just in case (didn’t need it).  Then she took me to DMV, where we waited  (felt like a long time, but wasn’t really).  When I finally had my turn .. the only thing I needed was my expired driver’s license.  I told the lady I don’t drive any more and only needed a photo ID.  No problem!  So she did the paperwork; I had the picture taken (and will probably be glad I can’t see it!!) … and the ID will be mailed.  Just like that .. not even a fee!!  Yay. 

Then we picked up DN, and found (with a lot of riding) the place to get a bus pass.  That too was free .. but took less than 10 minutes!

DS took us back home.  She had brought a dresser for DN; and took one of her folding cots back with her (the other is folded smaller and not in the way). 

DN heated us some leftovers for lunch, and we both rested awhile.  I didn’t think I wa *that* tired, but sure did doze off!!   Later, we decided to walk up to K&W to eat; and then around the corner for milkshakes.  That was very good, even though I couldn’t finish it!

It was getting darkish and thundery, so we hurried back home.  There were a few disappointments (and a bit of temper, but I can take the blame … I am gradually learning the triggers! LOL!).  Anyway, TGF was not able to bring anything up because of truck trouble.

DS/DIL got here really late; and around 9:00ish it finally started raining.  We got right much rain for several hours, and I wa concerned about them getting here so late.  But they finally made it safely here.  DIL helped me with some paperwork, then we all went to bed.

I got up when I heard them up this morning (I was already awake), around 7:00.  She found one more phone number for me.  She was going to get a book to download onto my Kindle; but I didn’t know the internet password.  For some reason, DN doesn’t seem to want me to have it (she said she’d put in on the Kindle for me when I asked her for it).  This is something to be worked out.  I can’t see paying for half of something that I’m only allowed limited access to!

DS/DIL got on their way early for her to get to an appointment.  So now it’s already getting late.  I have a bunch of phone calls to make today, but I have to get showered and dressed and find something to eat first.

DN has decided that we will go do laundry this morning (there hasn’t been a chance yet to get me a key made).  And she wants us to go through the freezer and make room  …I said I missed being able to have ice cream.  (but if “making room” means throwing out everything I brought and claiming it has freezer burn, that won’t happen).  I have all those calls to make.  And she has coerced her boyfriend into taking us to a grocery store this evening (we need very little, but for some reason she’s got that in her head to do.  I’ll at least use the opportunity to restock water .. I seem to go through a lot!).  So, a busy day.  I better get moving.

Day 13

One NEW Day At A Time

Day 13

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Last night DN gave me an alarm clock she wasn’t using.  It has digital numbers much bigger than the one I had, so I can read it better.  My old one still kept time, but the alarm wouldn’t work any more.  When I plugged in the “new” one, it automatically set itself.  Neat, right?  And I thought Yikes, I’ve stayed up too late, so went on to bed.  This morning a noise outside woke me, and I looked at the clock .. already 7:20?  And still a touch dark?  And not much traffic outside?  Hmmm .. something is not quite right.  So I got up to check another clock.  Guess what .. the “new” clock is an hour fast!! LOL!  (guess it sets itself to SDT instead of DST).  So .. I’m awake early; but it’s nice, a lovely cool breeze coming in the window.  I know this super hot spell isn’t over yet, but this is nice anyway. 

Yesterday morning I again chipped away at a list of phone calls to take care of.  I got a few more things accomplished; ran into a glitch wiwth one, that is hopefully being taken care of today.  Then DN and I walked to the bank (I deposited a check, and inquired about any services they have for blind customers … they do have some, and someone is supposed to call me with more information).  We walked over to the Fresh Mart, and to the pharmacy.  We’ve calculated that the particular circuit we take means we walk about a mile. 

We had tomato sandwichs for lunch .. I got to play with my new gadget: a slicer that keeps my fingers away from a knife!  (I actually have a very old one; but the new one is made with a hinge).  We both rested .. I thought I would nap, but the mind wouldn’t shut down.  I flattened some boxes for DIL to use, and packed up some packing materials for TGF to use eventually.  Then I worked on my room more.    It’s going to take a long time; but for now, I have it arranged so I can function easily, not trip over stuff, and take my time going through things.  This has to be good enough for now, there are other things to be done.

DN fixed a very nice pork chop recipe .. and enough for leftovers (lunch!).  After supper we quickly walked down to the trash bins (after cleaning out the fridge!) .. and hurried because it was thundery.  During the rest of the evening there was random faint thunder, and at one point some lightning; but we never got any rain.  I tried to watch a favorite TV show .. but missed a lot because I had gotten to a point in my room where I needed to kepp going to get to a good stopping point!

Today will be super busy.  DN is doing volunteer work at the library this morning.  My main goal this morning is .. besides a mountain of dishes … to go through the house with dust mop and vacuum.  DSis will be here later and will take us to run a few errands (some things to storage; hopefully get IDs; and bus passes).  Later in the evening TGF *said* she will bring the last of the things to be rescued from the house …  I don’t know if she’ll make it or not. (note to self: remember to call ReStore about pickup next week).  Then late this evening DS/DIL will get here to spend the night, so they can go on to DIL’s appointment tomorrow morning.

DN will be leaving soon.  I need to get myself organized and get busy!

Day 12

One NEW Day At A Time

Day 12

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

I had a productive day, though not in the way I expected.  Last night on TV a lady said “never have expectations.  That can spoil an experience.”  That makes sense, but it’s hard to follow .. especially when you try to make plans but are dependant on someone else to follow through.

Anyway.  I did get a lot done.  I have either checked or unpacked every box.  There are some I had to put aide because I have other steps before I can deal with them. There are shelves to be put up, containers to sort … lots of little steps.  But still, I made progress.

DN got home around mid afternoon.  It was too late, and too hot, to go to the bank by ten.  We did go get some of my laundry done; and while it was going we walked over to pay the rent.  Hopefully today we will be able to make a copy of the key to the laundry room; and then I will have a bit of independence to do that at least.

Since we are still in the season of reruns, last night we watched several episodes of “19 kids”.   I don’t know why that show is so interesting .. they are a little strange.  But still, not reruns.

DN is up (earlier than usual), so I can quit being “quiet”.  It’s time to get showered and get things accomplished today!

Day 11

One NEW Day At A Time

Day 11

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Yesterday turned out busier and more productive than I expected, especially considering the heat.  After having had a much cooler than “normal” August, we’re  now getting the 90s and the triple digits heat indexes.  It may be “normal” now, but certainly makes moving a major pain.

In the morning I continued working on getting things sorted .. unfortunately, the result of that is that my room is again a major maze.  I’ll get it sorted eventually, but want the “public” (shared) areas done first. 

In the late morning DB/SIL got here and brought up the last of the things from storage that should be in the apartment.  More of that will have to go back of course, but hopefully not too much.  I only had 2 boxes for us to take back this trip. 

DB treated us to milkshakes, we dropped off the few things at storage, and then went back to the house one last time.  Almost all the rest of storage stuff was loaded, as well as some things they wanted.  The only things left at the house are trees, some stray lids, and some outside plants (in pots) that I’d like to put at the entrance stoop.  I’ve emailed TGF, and she says she will bring the rest of those things later this week.

Hopefully everything is falling into place; although until things have been removed as romised I don’t really know.  Today or tomorrow I plan to call to make arrangements for  ReStore to pick up what’s left next week.

I unpacked a few boxes, and made some minor furniture changes.  I hope DN doesn’t mind, they’re things I told her about.

Since I had thought DN was coming home, and she didn’t (and didn’t bother to call, so I guess the  “plan” is that we can each go our own way as we please.  Except for doing laundry).  But I did fizzle too early, and dozed off watching TV (very very old L&O reruns!).  However, when I went to bed, I couldn’t sleep.  I don’t have nights like that very often, but it is SO frustrating.  I tried hard to relax (which sounds like an oxymoron).  I took Tylenol PM.  I fidgeted and adjusted .. but it was well after midnight before I finally got to sleep.  I didn’t get up this morning until after 7:00, so now it feels like I’m wasting too much of the day (especially the cooler part!).

I turned the a/c off just before dark, and it was comfortable in here.  But I feel I will have to turn it on earlier today … but not until I really have to!

I’m going to go on and get a shower (hope I can find something clean to put on!!), and get started on the last of the boxes.  The sooner I can get through that, the sooner I can tackle my room again.  There are a lot of other things planned for this week.  DN has mentioned going to get our photo ID, getting bus passes, and something else I can’t remember right now.  I need to go to the bank, should be today if I can.  I HAVE to get laundry done. And in and around all this, I need to get busy on the cleaning I promised to do .. especially since it appears it’s all going to fall on me if I actually want it done.  I don’t really mind doing it, but I do mind being taken advantage of.  I don’t much care for being treaed like I’m too stupid to walk out a door on my own, but it’s perfectly OK to work myself to pieces doing both unpacking and cleaning while someone else takes 3 hour naps.  Just saying.

OK, time to get myself in gear and get busy!